Re-reading his words makes me want to throw up

[Ladivi]

Do you live together?

We do.

So I hit the high road when he's having a "episode".

I know when he's in a shit place, I can see it coming so I go to the grocery store, or meet my friends for a drink or I go visit my Dad. Just for a little while so he can cool off a little bit.

I can't be a verbal punching bag if I'm not in the room.

Yes, the words are absolutely awful. And I've heard them a time or two myself. You have to come up with YOUR solution to the problem. How do YOU want it to play out?

I love my guy very much and I know he loves me but he has a mental illness which we have to make adjustments for. I've chosen to tell him he's being unreasonable so I'm gonna leave for a bit. It works!

Oh yeah one more thing. DO NOT ENGAGE when you know he in a PTSD state. It will always escalate. In my experience.

*if this is killing your spirit? Maybe it's time to move on?

 

[Irato]

You know, mine does not do this. He might get bossy or wry but not like this.

However, I talked to a vet who was a bit like this a while ago and thought it might be helpful, because he said he had a sand bag and whenever he was feeling he was getting angry he went and gave the sand bag a licking.

And another thought I just had, butt may be completely idiotic, did he have a change in medication before he became like this?

 

[Cidid]

His lashing out like this is not a new thing, but is happening more frequently than it ever has before. I think it may be because he has been drinking more. I'm not sure if he has been taking his meds more/less frequently.

Ladivi, we don't live together. It was easier to judge his mood and sense when he was getting to that point when we did live together. I feel a bit more blind sided when it happens now, though sometimes I can still tell when it's coming. (Not living together is not a recent change.) How do you always not engage? Four out of five times, I refrain from engaging, and not take the bait no matter what he says or does. It's happened like this three times this week and I struggled (and failed in the end) to not to engage this last time. I'm starting to feel a bit desperate the more (and more often) it happens.

 

[Akef]

Mine does this too. And if I don't respond he ups the ante until he gets the reaction he's looking for. Then my angry reaction proves him right. GRRRRRR

Talking to him about it when he's calm gets one of two reactions. a) Fires him up and starts it all over again or b) He starts on about he's a terrible person and I should leave him. Neither of those actually addresses the behaviour.

I have got to the point where I have said 'if that is what you honestly think then we need to end things' at which point he backs down and apologises. But the same thing will happen the next time... It really sucks.

 

[Ejo]

If you're fighting the bottle, you're fighting a losing battle.

 

[Ulut]

I think it is a very, very stupid idea to drink when you are on mess. It can have harmful sideeffects including death and most likely also this one.

 

[Ladivi]

If you're fighting the bottle, you're fighting a losing battle.

100% accurate!!

@Cidid
Alcohol, especially liquor and antipsychotics are a horrible combination!! That's where my guy was right before he called the suicide support line.

It sounds like your guy is really in a bad place. I wish he would take his therapy more seriously. He isn't able to manage this freakin beast by himself. No one can.

I think if he continues to drink and not be proactive with his medical care you are fighting a losing battle.

I used to give back what he gave. And it got really ugly!! I didn't start walking away until I came to this forum. What? Really? I can walk away? Huh? Why didn't I think of that?
Oh the heartache we could have avoided. You live, you learn.

When he's raging like that... He IS 1st Sgt. blah blah blah. It's what brought him home to me. And I love him.

Keep us posted.

 

[Ujog]

Not only horrible combination but potentially deadly!

 

[Ladivi]

Not only horrible combination but potentially deadly!

Exactly!

 

[Cidid]

I've gotten onto him about the drinking more recently. I just looked up the one of his meds that I know off the top of my head, and it is considered and anti psychotic. I hadn't considered that before. I have lessened my own drinking lately and am hoping that might help motivate/provide support for him. At this point, I feel like all the therapy and the programs won't do any good if he doesn't see a problem with his behavior. I think he sees a problem with his behavior (to include the lashing out and the drinking), but it's only a rare flash of clarity when I get that from him.

I'm not really sure what more I can do for him at this point. He doesn't work, so I think the boredom and lack of schedule/responsibility compounds the problem.

 

[Ladivi]

He needs to get out of his head for a while!! Volunteer, exercise, nature, writing, reading, drawing, painting....

Not working and sitting at home is depressing for anyone. Maybe start a small project around the house, plant some trees, make new flower beds, wash the darn windows... Idk. Something to get him motivated a little.

XO

 

[Ovoku]

Ya might want to have him learn/look up the prognosis for co-occurring behavior people... PTSD and SUDS, substance abuse disorder syndrome... lowest prognosis for recovery. That can be really sobering... literally. It was for me.