Just Woke Up From Nightmare That Makes Me Want To Do "the Dog Thing"

[The Albatross]

Link Removed

Be well got to jet. Have you read/learned much about schemas?

 

[Nikie]

There is not a 1 second of a thought in me that you ever want or will hurt your dog. You sound like a type of person that can stay mmm focused on what ever you decided.. You have a lot of inner strength.. . :hug: :hug: :hug:
I don't feel like reading of that again.. The dog is in no danger.. At all.

But you lostforgottensoul. You are, because you have the will power not to harm something else .. But harming yourself is something that very little people can have control over.. May I ask you a big question will you please tell me how do you feel now after letting your dream out on paper reading allllll these replys... Gathering a lot of knowledge about this..
(I don't know if I am going to say this right . How does your inner critic feels now at this moment?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

If you, though accept and believe that you're indoctrination was Satanist..

It wasnt, its just the closest one. Mix of Satanism, Children of God now calles the family, some wiccan, and some made up shit.

It was my step dad's own made up religon.

 

[joeylittle]

Im not 'looking' for anything. I couldnt of cared less if anyone responed of not. I waa looking for a way to get it out of my head and not do it.

I absolutely understand this, and it's a big part of what many of us do on this site.

If you are looking for no replies to certain posts, there are two things that will help you get what you want:

Use your trauma diary and include that you don't want responses to that entry
Clarify in your threads whether you would like an answer or not.

Because you've posted quite often about wanting replies and wanting to be challenged, or supported, but that you don't get what you need when no one responds - I understand why people would be responding to you.

The forum sections are for dialogue - that's what a forum is. The diary sections are for journalling of any kind - and then, you can also ask for responses or you can be clear that you'd not like any, and you can even change those rules from post to post.

This post is here now, and you've also said that you'd like to hear more replies, so there's no reason to move it or to stop this conversation that I can see.

You've been doing great with developing your interpersonal skills here, and I'm offering this post as encouragement on how you can keep developing them.

For what it's worth: I was strongly conditioned to do a handful of things. One involved hitting myself with a hammer. When that was especially triggery for me, I'd have an uncontrollable need to do that action. To help myself, I made sure I got rid of any hammers, strong sticks, loose bricks, my rolling pin - anything solid I could possibly use - and got myself a piece of styrofoam, like a pool noodle.

I'm not proud of beating myself in the head with a pool noodle when I couldn't control myself with all the other things that would usually work - including drugs - BUT, I'm glad I forced myself to limit my option to a pool noodle.

Sometimes it's a process. Think about how you can give yourself another option.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I absolutely understand this, and it's a big part of what many of us do on this site.

If you are loo...

Well im not saying i didnt want replies, chava said i was looking for someone to tell me im not bad and i wasnt...i was just posting it so it wasnt stuck in my head. So i wasnt for or against replies.

Actually some of the replies are good and i can put them to use. Just getting fruatrated with myself again...

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Sometimes it's a process. Think about how you can give yourself another option.

Yep, what is needed. I REALLY like the idea and having him just sit with me, pet him etc. He's a great listener and gives wonderful hugs. Maybe it will connect the ritual to the emotions surrounding the ritual? Also its sort of changing it too at the same time. I dont have to do THAT, i can do THIS instead sort of thing.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

You've been doing great with developing your interpersonal skills here, and I'm offering this post as encouragement on how you can keep developing them.

Thank you!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

That you have a freakish neighbor is a bit irrelevant in my opinion as well, as you'd actually have to make contact and leave your home for that I expect? Just some thoughts.

I have no idea why thats irrelevant since i ha e gone over to his apartment (about 20 steps) when i felt much stronger urges for this ritual and had him have friends bring over dogs that were not neutured to have intercourse w/ me. I find that EXTRWMELY relevant to the content of the post as i also find the 'fetish' site i found where i could have men bring me or i coyld go there to also do the ritual.

My point to that was, ive only had my dog for 3 yrs however this ritual has contiuned my entire adult life, w/o owning a dog. So no dog DONESNT mean the ritual stops.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I think that for a cutter to have blades, or an addict to have their substance of choice handy, or in this case an animal you act out with is just not a good idea.

Finger nails in my sleep. Want me to cut them off too? Ive gotten rid of my blades and that doesnt work either. If i want to cut/burn whatever bad enough i will just go to walgreens and buy more.

In addition also sells duster, which i dont want to start back up.

BUT replacing it, sounds like a much better idea to me.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

How does your inner critic feels now at this moment?

Hey Nikie! Thank you for all your kind reponses!

Not sure how to answer this, i am a bit triggered (NOT by anyone as one is trying to say i state) but im at work so not sure if im processing things completely; also im dealing w/ the trigger ok, settling it down some.

Just trying to figure out what causes the rituals as this isnt the only one i do. Just trying to figure it all out is all.

Maybe i can answer that a bit better later?

 

[Nikie]

Hey Nikie! Thank you for all your kind reponses!

Not sure how to answer this, i am a bit tri...

Sure you can sorry I thought it was still night time. . :roflmao:.. Just know you are exempted by the people on the site . and we care about you a lot!!!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Because you've posted quite often about wanting replies and wanting to be challenged, or supported, but that you don't get what you need when no one responds - I understand why people would be responding to you.

Joeylittle, i think the issue was chava's reply. We went back and forth about this in my diary and it wasnt the day for it as it was the day after the blame shift and i respectfully bowed out of the convo as i was triggered (not by a person) and then it was brought back up in the thread i was talking in about how to start drilling down on this stuff. i feel that reply is very accusatory and maybe i still do things w/o knowing it, though trying to stay aware; but there is never any bad intent in anything i say and i feel a lot of it is taken wrong or said wrong.

Compassion is what was needed here as i already judge myself enough and im not sure if i even should have posted it but i was faced w/ post it or do it.

Im trying like hell to keep the blame where it belongs and i know im responsible for what i do now but have no idea why i do it and cant "just stop".

I do want to be challenged in the way i think, i know though that i still have an issue w/ miss understanding intent especually when harsher or more dramatic words are used. Something im working on very hard.

For some reason, i needed the forum to see it. Not sure why. The ritual is already in my diary; and already caused an issue there; but i needed this out of the shadows if you will.

Sometimes i post things and have no clue why i feel the need to. But good ideas have come out in here and ideas/alternatives, other than gerting rid of my dog, is what i needed.