Just Woke Up From Nightmare That Makes Me Want To Do "the Dog Thing"

[The Albatross]

"Get rid of the dog that i do very much love (like everyone loves their pets) then i think it will make me unstable." Are you stable now? I think you have quite serious issues including this aspect. I think that for a cutter to have blades, or an addict to have their substance of choice handy, or in this case an animal you act out with is just not a good idea.

 

[The Albatross]

Redirecting yourself to a healthy/nurturing activity and distraction til the urges pass is a better tool than immersing yourself in the memory on the heels of a vivid nightmare. You also did not play the memory all the way through to the part where you are/became safe... when these abuses were no longer being done to you. That is a crucial element for me if I'm flooding... getting to the part where I am not "there" but am here and am safe. Do you feel "safe" in your present environment? Where did the abuse stop and your rituals begin?

 

[Chava]

Redirecting yourself to a healthy/nurturing activity and distraction til the urges pass is a better tool than immersing yourself in the memory on the heels of a vivid nightmare. You also did not play the memory all the way through to the part where you are/became safe...

So much YES. This is something to address right away and ask for support working on in therapy (I assume I'm blocked but thanks @The Albatross for adding). There are really practical grounding things to look at right now, not the retelling of trauma stories in hopes that this is how one heals, especially when so triggered. This really is flooding, and also why it probably feels like the forum isn't helping you lately.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Im just gonna post this generally.

Im not 'looking' for anything. I couldnt of cared less if anyone responed of not. I waa looking for a way to get it out of my head and not do it. Not one person on this planet can convince me im not bad BUT ME therefore i wasnt 'looking' for that so im sorry if it seemed that way.

I am not going to get rid of my dog, i feel i can do this w/o that extreme of meaaure.

Maybe i do post things i cant emotionally handle thus leading to a trigger but i dont remember anyone giving me a guide to how to be better quickly from being raised in a cult.

It was my attempt to get it out of the shadows, not do it in secert thua creating accountablity.

Im sorry if im not doing that correctly, but it did work as i didnt do it and would have otherwise

 

[The Albatross]

Your preference is your preference... you are driving the bus. Defensiveness is optional gal. If it kept you out of the behavior, comfortable or not it was perhaps "worth" it but there are easier ways.

 

[Nikie]

Lostforgottensoul now i underatand the meaning of your name so much bette .

This is the first thread I read that I can completely emagin the pain somebody went trough.. I don't like reading and I read every word on by one .. Your way of telling is very light to read spesaily for me that can not understand English always that well.

I can not say I know how you feel or must have felt it's worce than I can ever think of.
I don't know how therapy works cos I don't have real experience with a therapist the woman I went to is noting but a lie.

So maybe alot of people will crucify me for saying this but i want you to think about it ..really deepl . this is they way anarchy is trying to help me .. With out therapy cos I will never go back and maybe I miss interoperate stuff then I am sorry but so far its helping me cos I have 3 days ( I think) in this week I didn't thought of suicide for a very long time ..

So I feel that dreaming is a way the mind is cleaning itself and by writing down , in so much detail is perfect, even more will be better. Like smells and inner feelings .. This is a way your mind sort himself out..
I am really not very clued up with anything but I am reading on a lot of stuff and in the mindfulness I read that every thought you push away gets a burden ..

So next time you get a nightmare like this you can even call your dog that you truly love to sit next to you ... And then you think of this dream let it be.. Its their it happened you can do noting of it. Allow the thoughts everything that was desturbing write them down .. Don't push any thought away.. Its thoughts it did happen long ago but you didnt Do anything as yet .
Its like putting them all on this conveyor belt in front of you .. And allow them to pass.. Let them go with the belt and dump it on the end .. Some people put them in a balloon and let them go up up up ..!!
It's not easy honey I kno . I am still struggling with it

Lostforgottensoul.. You are so deeply in my thoughts wish I could be next to you .. Holding your hand and talk this thing over.

I truely hope I dint miss communicate something by my way of translating ..

 

[The Albatross]

Hoping you don't throw the baby out with the bath water... risk assessment is a valuable tool and having an emergency strategy is key to any recovery.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Do you feel "safe" in your present environment? Where did the abuse stop and your rituals begin?

I do but only b/c i own a pitbull; felf very unsafe before then.

Rituals/punishments seem to follow the pain inside; feeling bad about myself, when i hear a christian sermon (a lot since my dad & step mom watch it), sometimes im not sure why they come.

The process that anthony gave me doesnt seem to talk about the rituals/punishments as thats very more broad.

Im thinking if i can change my thoughts & my beliefs then the cult beliefs are debunked thus no need to do rituals & punish.

I really dont know how to do this but im trying really REALLY hard to follow the process anthony gave me to the best of my abilty & understanding of it.

 

[The Albatross]

So can you create an action plan or strategy to employ so that you can disarm the trigger and the maladaptive behavior/ritual with your dog?

Added: Link Removed
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/playing-with-the-motivational-poster-generator.23843/

 

[Chava]

I couldnt of cared less if anyone responed of not.

For sure?

I waa looking for a way to get it out of my head and not do it.

I understand that. I agree with @The Albatross in regards to grounding and distraction tools. I hear you want to quit this reenactment, but that you are also unwilling to give up your dog. Then you need strong grounding and distraction tools. You don't need to explain the whole background of your trauma while still shaking from a nightmare. Coming here to reach out is a tool, but maybe you can ask for ideas for NOT harming yourself. I'll call it self harm for lack of a better term. I have a behavior, btw, that is painful but does not feel harming but feels good, yet degrading. I won't go into it. But I lump it under self harm or abuse because it is abuse reenactment and it does not help me. I need to find other things to do instead.

Are you willing to let your therapist read some of this for perspective on asking for what you want/need from others? I do wonder about all the exposure, flooding, and triggering. There are many ways to use a forum like this. Telling our trauma stories is just one. But better to do that in pieces, and when not actually triggered. After a nightmare I might just get up and walk around. Or if I come on here I might just respond to other people's posts about anything, just to distract myself or take my mind off it...and maybe post a little once I feel more grounded. Just a thought.

You can change the behaviors if you begin to work on finding new ways to respond and reroute those urges and automatic reactions. Talking about it might help to an extent. But what tools do you have for grounding yourself in the present? If not enough, it is a great topic to bring up in therapy. It's pretty common across all kinds of trauma that telling our trauma stories in detail before having solid grounding and stabilizing resources in place is actually counter-productive because of the flooding and re-traumatizing potential. From an outsider perspective, I wonder if that's partly what is going on for you lately. Please talk to your therapist about this.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

So next time you get a nightmare like this you can even call your dog that you truly love to sit next to you ... And then you think of this dream let it be..

I like this A LOT! The nightmare bring pain, pain that i dont want to feel. And my dog is very good at giving hugs when im hurting so maybe if i can just per him, hug him, or even tell HIM about the dream; maybe that is a type of exposure therapy where im not associating porn/sex w/ dogs w/ the dream anymore?

I really like that idea! Thank you!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Keep posting guys, im reading them...just at work so slow to respond is all.

And @Chava yes really, i didnt post this for reaponses or for anyone to tell me im not a bad person, it wasnt for that.