A good start might be to lower or change expectations? You could consider the experience as 'On the Job Training', real life exposure therapy, an exploratory and learning opportunity to test your limits.
My temperament is more defensive pessimist biased, so I'm more comfortable thinking about worst case scenarios in advance, so that if total failure happens, it's been prepared for. But if I get almost anything accomplished, that turns out as a pleasant surprise.
But many people also don't recognize there's many benefits of neutrality, instead of focusing on positive, or negative, simply include both perspectives, and focus on neutral aspects. This can also lower the charge of expectations.
WHAT IS HAPPENING INSIDE US WHEN WE ARE NEUTRAL?
When we are neutral we stay objective, are able to understand the people and the situation, are more open minded and balanced. We are unbiased and impartial.
We are not reacting to what a person, a group, an organization, a government, or a country…thinks, says or does, or does not think say or do.
DOES THIS MEAN WE HAVE NO FEELINGS OR CONNECTION ?
It is quite the opposite – we are more free to feel, to love, to support, and to act with full energy and commitment. We’re not holding ourselves back – we’re connected to our passion instead of to our energy blocks.
-- source: Link Removed
Neutral is where all choices have equal energy and there is no bias or preference for one over the other. By having all choices available to us as equal, rather than being “bothered” to prefer or avoid a polarity (“good”/”bad”, “positive/negative”, etc), new outcomes can manifest in the next moment so we’re no longer stuck.
Neutrality is the best path to change in the next moment.
So, what does this “neutrality” or being neutral mean?
WHEN WE’RE NEUTRAL, we realize the power is in this state of being satisfied with any outcome, with no struggle, need to fight, suffer, hurt or punish ourselves (or others).
And being satisfied is not about being “in the moment” or “always thinking positive” or having positive visualizations. Those seemingly positive choices often trigger a (larger) negative reaction to our prior experiences of avoiding things or covering up something negative.
WHEN WE’RE NEUTRAL, we’re motivated by our true self, not by what bothers us. Think of something that you’re motivated to do or passionate about. Ask yourself. Am I motivated because of an innate and contented sense of purpose? Or, does this purpose require pushing a hidden button or bother (fear of opposite, imprint from childhood, etc) to generate enough energy to do it?
-- source:
http://www.thepowerofneutrality.com/category/neutrality
Noting can also be a powerful practice, "Name it to Tame it" is a variation. Whenever emotions or EP's come up, simply recognizing and naming or noting the emotional feeling, has a natural neutralizing or normalizing effect. Some public speakers choose the route of sharing their anxiety at the beginning of their talk, this has a self-easing effect, but also ironically often makes the audience more receptive.
In the brain, naming an emotion can help calm it. Here is where finding words to label an internal experience becomes really helpful. We can call this “Name it to tame it.” And sometimes these low-road states can go beyond being unpleasant and confusing—they can even make life feel terrifying. If that is going on, talk about it. Sharing your experience with others can often make even terrifying moments understood and not traumatizing. Your inner sea and your interpersonal relationships will all benefit from naming what is going on and bringing more integration into your life.
...
Learning to deal with emotions means being aware of them and modifying them inside us so that we can think clearly. Sometimes we can name it to tame it and help balance our brain’s emotional intensity by putting words to what we feel. If we say the name of an emotion inside our own minds, it can help. There are even some brain studies that show how this naming process can activate the prefrontal cortex and calm the limbic amygdala!
--- excerpt from "Brainstorm" written by Daniel J Siegel, MD
There is a large percentage of the population that deals with some level of social anxiety or feelings of shame. It might even be majority of population. The thing is, that you can't really tell from their exterior. Everyone has gotten good at hiding their inner anxiety and shame, so simply being more honest with it, can help set everyone at ease.
Brene Brown shared that after her most famous TED talk, she was quite panic stricken. Paradoxically, great talks often come from inner turmoil, maybe it's because people connect with that shared humanity, while talks that are too perfect might be counter productive because people might be left feeling inadequate.
And I'm thinking to myself, "Brene, what are you doing? What are you doing? Why did you bring this up? Have you lost your mind? Your sisters would be perfect for this." So I looked back up and she said, "Are you really going to try to break in and steal the video before they put it on YouTube?" And I said, "I'm just thinking about it a little bit." (Laughter) She said, "You're like the worst vulnerability role model ever." (Laughter) And then I looked at her and I said something that at the time felt a little dramatic, but ended up being more prophetic than dramatic. I said, "If 500 turns into 1,000 or 2,000, my life is over." (Laughter) I had no contingency plan for four million.
-- source:
https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame/transcript?language=en
As for grounding suggestions, anchoring/priming towards positive parts like shimmerz referenced is a good suggestion. To communicate with the body directly by focusing on sensation, movements, breathing, repetition, etc. seem to be the way in.
'Stimming' behaviors that are often used by autistics might be helpful for more severe stresses. These involve self-soothing behaviors that are a bit more extreme. Maybe better to do it in private, because they aren't always socially acceptable. There's many ways of stimming, extreme ways might be flapping arms, jumping, spinning in circles, bouncing, self-hug, etc. More subtle techniques are fidgeting which most all people do, tapping, clapping, biting nails, rubbing hands, self massage, drumming, humming, chewing gum, playing with hair, etc. There's also external tools like a warm/hot/cold bath, holding your breath, deep pressure tactics (ie. wrapping yourself in tight blanket, covering yourself up with heavy pillows/blankets), etc. Basically methods that do a sort of controlled sensory overload.
here's a link describing various methods:
Dead Link Removed
8 year old stimming, notice the raw repetitious nature of movements:
Stretching and Yoga can be quite effective, or more specifically there is TRE (Trauma Release Exercises) developed by David Bercelli... TRE is a series of lower leg movements that are designed to weaken the PSOAS muscle, and then once weakened, the position is to lie on your back with knees up, soles of feet together, and hold knees sideways out 45 degrees until the PSOAS muscle (inner thighs) start trembling and shaking. Then stay with the shaking and try to encourage it to naturally continue. The theory is that a lot of trauma energy is stored and trapped in the PSOAS muscle.
end result video:
basic details of pre-exercises:
anyway, I offered ideas for Head, Heart, and Gut soothing. Head ideas were about perspectives or managing expectations by shooting for neutral. Heart ideas were emotional awareness by 'Noting' emotions and also possibly sharing it with others, and physical ideas were stimming, stretching, and TRE.
There's also spiritual methods, of focusing on the present moment, giving a sincere deep prayer, self-compassion, etc.
