Really Angry About Having To Divulge So Much Detail To Claim Disability

[Shellbell]

I've had my disability pension support claim recently refused, so had to see a psychiatrist last week and go through everything for her to write a report. I've now read the reports that will go to Centrelink and my mental health doc's report and they have EVERYTHING in there - in detail!

I am SO angry that I have to divulge everything about my past to bureaucrats to hopefully make the right decision. And I know I have to, so they can see the severity of the trauma's, to understand the severity of my chronic PTSD symptoms and MDD. There's even stuff in there about my eating and alcohol issues. And personal details of how this all affects my marriage!

It's SO incredibly invasive and embarrassing and humiliating! This is stuff I haven't been able to divulge to anyone until this last year. I knew the reports would outline the trauma's, but not go into so much indepth detail.

When I read it all earlier, I just cried and cried. I know so many people have to go through this to claim insurance and benefits and I am so angry.

I hate all this so much, it makes me feel even more ashamed and humiliated that I can't work.

Does anyone else feel this angry like this, or am I just over-reacting?

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

When I started on disability, I was in the midst of the fallout from my daughter's death, which I later found out that it was 'timed' by a physician, and I was not consulted. That knowledge pushed me over the edge, and I ended up with spinal meningitis. At that time, my early childhood had not affected me yet....that I was aware of. I know now it all played a part in how I handled everything in my adult life.

For me, changing P docs is the worst, as if you have to bring up all the emotions to 'qualify' for meds. Thankfully I have only had to change a couple times.

A good friend of mine, fell apart when she had to testify against her brother, after he raped his own daughter. My friend had to bring all her pain up not only in court, but to receive benefits. It was an awful time, but with lots of work, and support, she is climbing back up into who she was 'meant' to be before her brother devasted her, and then his own child.

All that 'digging, hopefully will lead to you recieving benefits!

Blessings to you!

 

[Shellbell]

Thank you Angelkeeper.

I really feel for anyone who has to be involved in these criminal proceedings against these evil people. They are a massive trauma in itself. I'm sorry your friend had to go through all that, it's terrible.

And I'm really sorry you went through all that trauma getting benefits too after the loss of your daughter, I really am so sorry for your loss.

I also had a criminal trial at age 21, for the abuser that held me in total captivity for 4 years, raping and physically abusing me daily, threatening me with my life, putting guns to my head and threatening me with knives etc. I escaped and I am very lucky to be alive. In the court room, photos of me naked were shown, as well as my past childhood sexual abuse being brought up. It was absolutely horrendous. He went to prison, but not for long enough.

Maybe having gone though the court hearing is connected to why I'm so angry about all this having to be brought up and divulged in detail now to people I don't know and the unfairness and humiliation of it all.

 

[quaintpapercut]

Hi Shellbell - I am in the exact same position as you are. It's absolutely devastating knowing how many people will be reading all of my personal information and it's brought up a lot of anxiety and anger for me. My claims adjuster has all the additional information she requested from my therapist as well as all my medical records and I still have no answer. She initially said she would have a response for me last Friday but since then no word from her and she also wont return my messages to give me an update. To say I'm furious is an understatement. Both at the process and the fact that they are so seemingly dismissive towards me as a person who is dealing with really difficult things at the moment.

It's an odd feeling having my "secrets" out there, being evaluated and judged to determine if they are in fact "bad enough" to qualify me for disability.

I don't think your over reacting at all. I'm having a very difficult time with this as well.

 

[Shellbell]

Quaintpapercut, I'm sorry you are having exactly the same issues - I have cried many times about this yesterday. I hope your claim is successful and they don't mess you around any longer.

It feels so horrible to know all my secrets that I can barely talk to my T or husband about, will be in an administration system that anyone who works there - hundreds of people - can access anytime. Strangers, people I don't know, maybe people I do know.

And if they turn me down my appeal anyway for disability, it will have been for nothing. Complete invalidation for the mess I am in. I can barely function these days, just running on auto-pilot, trying to stop thinking everyone will be better off without me. I haven't got it in me to fight for anything anymore.

My T told me last night anger is good, because I have so much to be angry about and have never allowed myself anger. But I can never maintain the outward anger for long and always internalize it. Now all I feel is ashamed, vulnerable, pathetic, weak, a burden and self hate.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Shellbell. I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could take your feeling of being overexposed away. It is a shaming thing that is happening to you. I know you know you are not alone. Every year once a year my husband has to prove that he is disabled for the private insurance. It is always such a big hassle.

I hate policies like what you are dealing with. It makes me so angry. It is like secondary woundings. My heart goes out to you and everyone else going through this. I hate it when they do not return your calls. Big hugs.:hug:

 

[Shellbell]

Thank you gizmo :hug: It is like secondary wounding, that's just how it feels.

I'm supposed to be going there now to take it all into them, so it doesn't get lost, as so many things do if you send them in.

I can't do it. I can't go there and take it in. It will have to wait.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I understand too, Shellbell. I'm a nurse, and I have to give intimate info to someone who is not even a medical professional to decide if I am screwed up enough for disability. How does an office person know?

My short term disabililty person was a young woman who challanged my disability on a weekly basis. When I got the intake phone call for long term disability, she approved me after 15 minutes of talking to me and I will continue on long term for 2 1/2 years unless I tell them I'm better. Why? Why did the first gal put me through so much anxiety every week? I would feel so ashamed every week when I would have to provide paperwork to prove my disability.

 

[Shellbell]

Monster1977 - I'm really sorry you had to go through that - it sucks. Badly. I really feel for everyone having to fight for this and disclose so much. I know we have to, but it doesn't take away how deeply and devastatingly invasive, humiliating, exposing, embarrassing and shameful it feels.

Well I went today to Centrelink with all my reports, husband had to come with me as I couldn't cope going on my own. It's taken me days to get my head around being able to do it.

Everything scanned into their system. So, now every Centrelink employee has access to everything about my past. Not that any would want to, but that's not the point to me.

Totally stressed, and I hope they don't turn it down, or it will be for nothing. My mental health Doc, put on the medical form that she wanted to discuss it further with them, so I hope she does a good job explaining how bad everything is.

:cry:

 

[AS1975]

There are several diagnosis that are used (or misused) by tryhards who simply don't want to work anymore. They've fluked a PTSD diagnosis and are milking it for all it is worth. As a result of their crap, getting the DSP for PTSD UNLESS you are a Veteran is somewhere between hard and impossible. That is one reason people get short when dealing with people who fitted in under the broader diagnostic criteria and hope like hell the new, proposed criteria is adopted. On the other hand, there are several possible routes that could be used.

It is well known that people who have suffered significant trauma tend to develop not just PTSD but also one or more of a range of co-morbid illnesses (http://ptsd.about.com/od/mooddisorders/tp/The-Connection-Between-Ptsd-And-Mood-Disorders.htm), such as Major Depression or BiPolar Affective Disorder. There are several schools of thought on this - on one hand people with BPAD tend to take more risks and therefore are more exposed to trauma as a result, whereas the development of BPAD/MDD in those exposed to trauma and sexual assault, particularly when young, is also well known. Which came first?

For the record, I was diagnosed with RC-BPAD on the basis of a history of manic episodes and risk taking behavior, before I was injured (but after several significant traumatic events which were not mentioned - I'm not sure why I didn't think they may be connected). I was prone to exposing myself to traumatic events due to the manic episodes and risk-taking behavior, consequently I was exposed, repeatedly, to severe trauma with consequent development of full blown PTSD symptoms.

Nelson, et al, 2009, 'Association of Childhood Trauma Exposure and GABRA2 Polymorphisms with Risk of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder in Adults' Molecular Psychiatry, vol.14, pp.234-238 (http://genepi.qimr.edu.au/contents/p/staff/NelsonetalMolPsy09March234-235.pdf)

Hans-jorg, et al, 2009, 'Trauma Exposure and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in Bipolar Disorder' Social Psychiatry & Psychiatric Epidemiology, vol.44(12), pp.1041-1049.

 

[Shellbell]

It's clear why veterans would have less trouble getting disability for PTSD agreed, and I'm not knocking that at all, they should be supported very well and I support that in a big way. And clearly there will be no doubt as to what they have endured to get PTSD.

But, I have an issue with sufferers with other types of severe pro-longed and multiple trauma getting less chance of obtaining disability pension. There are other trauma's that are just as significantly impacting and those sufferers should not be treated differently with regard to whether they are capable of working long term.

It is like Centrelink do not 'believe' you, or the severity of the traumas and their significant impact, just because you cannot prove the traumas occured. And that it's less important, or less worthy because I wasn't fighting for my country. Like I don't 'deserve' it as much and should financially be struggling more. Or that politically, it is less important.

I'm not trying to get into a debate over comparing trauma types or in any way invalidating veterans needs, but this just makes me more angry.

 

[AS1975]

Shellbell, Centerlink don't believe anybody, after all they are regularly faced with absolute scam artistes willing and ready to milk the system for everything they can, it must be awfully wearing and cynicism would be a natural response. There is no point getting angry at them or arguing with them, there is a system and they merely follow the procedures and everything gets tied up in nice little bundles of red tape if you allow it.

The trick is, despite their beliefs, they aren't actually the final arbiters of Government policy. They are merely agents of the executive arm of government. There are two other arms that are capable of reviewing and altering their decisions. Looking at what the actual trigger points are in order to be classified as disabled is essential in more cases than you might believe. Expect them to be obdurate and obnoxious at the first level, if you have two legs, two arms and a heartbeat, obviously to them you aren't actually disabled, that isn't their fault, they are depressingly normal.

The trick is how you work the upper levels of the process. What words you put in the original application which fit precisely with the legislation and regulations governing the appeals process and the actual grant of DSP for mental illness. There is no point getting angry with low-level bureaucrats, they are not worth it and are incapable of doing much more than knocking back everything or referring it to someone above their pay-scale. Work the system or it will work you - from memory, in order for disability to be proved for Centrelink purposes, there has to be minimal chance of recovery (ie. permanent disability), a total debilitation (ie. total disability). Some diagnoses are more effective than others in this regard, expect an argument whichever approach you use.