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Really hurting today

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I am going through a change that is occurring within myself and my parts. I think for my youngest part, to somehow believe it was her fault, that what happened to her was somehow because she herself was so bad and wrong, defective, was a way she could at least try to be better, more, any one but herself so that ultimately she would be loved. I journal daily and I am slowly convincing this little part that what happened was never because of who she was or what she did. That the unspeakable acts that happened were never because of her at all. And she is emotionally at a young age, but lovingly, I am trying to let her know the truth. And she is beginning to trust me as the adult. That is grace. That in itself is love. She is good and she was always good, always enough regardless of what anyone said. And I need to be that loving, present adult so that ultimately she can heal with unconditional acceptance and love. It's a good day.
 
I am going through a change that is occurring within myself and my parts. I think for my youngest part, to somehow believe it was her fault, that what happened to her was somehow because she herself was so bad and wrong, defective, was a way she could at least try to be better, more, any one but herself so that ultimately she would be loved. I journal daily and I am slowly convincing this little part that what happened was never because of who she was or what she did. That the unspeakable acts that happened were never because of her at all. And she is emotionally at a young age, but lovingly, I am trying to let her know the truth. And she is beginning to trust me as the adult. That is grace. That in itself is love. She is good and she was always good, always enough regardless of what anyone said. And I need to be that loving, present adult so that ultimately she can heal with unconditional acceptance and love. It's a good day.

Can you play with her in your safe place in your mind? I gather with younger ones and explain things there. My sacred garden was super unkept and weedy so they plant seeds to make it prettier and nicer to visit.
 
I am very depressed today. Have to say it out loud...just in the last 48 hours intense body depression. Can't explain it...feels like a part and it is the hardest thing to go through when everything feels so grey and I feel trapped inside. It is just awful and I need to wade through it without overeating to numb out; I have to believe it will pass and I will be able to move through this. I just feel awful and trapped. I have meditated, journaled, tried to engage in tv with husband and it is just so stagnant and right in my face. I think it has to do with some really old stuff but I can't do anything when I am immersed in it. Just needed a place to write this. And share.
 
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