really sad again keep crying and feel so lonely

[yellow rose]

Feel so lonely and isolated and messed up by things in life
i dont know how to stop being isolated how to get to the things I want
today I have felt empty all day and broken and a bit in the past
I have done a couple of things to soothe myself
but these things havent taken away the pain
and i am sitting here crying
wondering why life wont stop hurting me
doesnt seem to matter how much I have suffered in life by traumas
life continues to make things painful

 

[MrMoonlight]

I have felt empty all day and broken and a bit in the past

So sorry you are feeling like this @yellow rose . I know how hopeless and disconnected that can feel. Do you feel safe right now?

 

[yellow rose]

Yes safe
but really struggling with my trauma symptoms
I thought I would try and help myself I did some yin yoga
felt bit calm
but now still feel in pain and a bit stressed and i just getting very frustrated with this mental illness and all I have to deal with
Even when I help myself I still sometimes sit here struggling
And I dont know how to deal with that
It feels overwhelming all this sometimes

 

[MrMoonlight]

overwhelming is when I usually start with the SI. To break my own isolation I started with just going out to feed ducks around a local lake. It provided some normalcy and gave me a chance to get out in the world a little in a place that I found most comfortable. I did that for a few months and then started going to inexpensive movies at off hours. This got me a little closer to actual people and interaction. I have been built on that and now I have a couple friends from IOP that I stay in touch with and go out with.

But I'm also struggling right now. I try to ride the storm and remember my DBT lessons.

Do you have any goto distractions? I love music, movies maybe sitting and watching listening to nature.

Distress tolerance also comes to mind.

I'm going to look at yin yoga on youtube, thank you.

 

[yellow rose]

overwhelming is when I usually start with the SI. To break my own isolation I started with just going out to feed ducks around a local lake. It provided some normalcy and gave me a chance to get out in the world a little in a place that I found most comfortable. I did that for a few months and then started going to inexpensive movies at off hours. This got me a little closer to actual people and interaction. I have been built on that and now I have a couple friends from IOP that I stay in touch with and go out with.

But I'm also struggling right now. I try to ride the storm and remember my DBT lessons.

Do you have any goto distractions? I love music, movies maybe sitting and watching listening to nature.

Distress tolerance also comes to mind.

Hello the other thing that is upsetting me aswell
is that I actually have been struggling to do normal things outside for a couple of years now
I try and try and I cant hardly walk outside further than five minutes
yes I do get into the garden but that can depress me sometimes as it is always the same scenes
I find it unfair that I cant hardly get out
therapist keeps telling me to try
but because of the way I am I really feel I cant
I dont do normal things like with friends and socialising and things in the world
I have my sister and sometimes occasionally I see my niece and nephew
But it isnt enough I feel so isolated
my mind just seems to stop me
and as for DBT skills I know a little about this but never practiced it fully
my therapist doesnt use DBT
she uses EFT, CBT, art, integrative
I am just sitting here feeling really upset
i dont know why I have to be so isolated and why I cant still lead in a normal life

 

[MrMoonlight]

I'm one hundred percent with you. I've been in this place for a very long time like you probably but I have made progress. Not in huge chunks most the time but in small bits that usually go unnoticed. I record these little (w)ins...today showering and dressing were my wins. It's a lost day but I'm okay with that. I'm not okay to sit here forever but right now it's okay. I'm allowing myself to get the rest and isolation I need.

Can you make a point to change the garden in some way that gives you pleasure? That would be a great way to start imo. A little project to improve your life, a sense of accomplishment when done and the continued relaxation that sort of space could give.

Maybe if five min is all you can walk outside then push yourself to do the five min. Then push for ten and on it goes. You may be really surprised how quickly you can build on this.

 

[yellow rose]

Hello yes it would be better if the garden was a little nicer
I mean it is ok its just there is no flowers really and I sometimes feel a bit trapped in it
As for walking outside I have tried improving that but I never get further than a few minutes
I am kind of fed up of myself and the way that I am and my stupid feelings and lack of confidence because of trauma
Well that is good that you had a shower, I did some yin yoga and ten minutes mediation

 

[MrMoonlight]

am kind of fed up of myself and the way that I am and my stupid feelings and lack of confidence because of trauma

You are worth the fight, you and your feelings are not stupid. We act in a way consistent with a brain trying desperately to keep us safe. You aren't crazy, you make sense. We can work on confidence but for now, we need to cut ourselves a lot of slack. We fight with an impossible thing and need tools and strategy to successfully deal. You can do this and you are worth it.

For me, it's really about diving into my DBT stuff and continuing on with EMDR. Learning, challenging thoughts and building tools in the good moments so I'm prepared to use them in the bad. Making some DBT techniques a working part in my life along with challenging my isolation.

 

[yellow rose]

Oh I see thank you very much for your kind words.
I guess I am not sure if its my feelings that are stupid or the fact that I sometimes feel all this is ridiculous.
Just the amount of things some people have to deal with like myself is absurd
Aah I see I wouldnt know how to use DBT as my therapist doesnt use it
But I realy struggle with my emotions at timesSometimes I think i do not do enough to help myself
Is it easy to learn DBT yourself or do you need a therapist. It is just I cant afford another therapist for DBT
I have had so many negative thoughts aswell today about things, like life is just for pain
which for me sometimes feels in the main that it is just pain
How does one challenge a thought like that when it seems to be the case
:(

 

[MrMoonlight]

Is it easy to learn DBT yourself or do you need a therapist. It is just I cant afford another therapist for DBT

I've never studied CBT but my understanding DBT is built on that therapy. I'm sure you could do well using a workbook?

I have had so many negative thoughts aswell today about things, like life is just for pain(*snip) How does one challenge a thought like that when it seems to be the case

If you wanted to challenge the thought that "life is only for pain" you could use positive affirmations. Or you could challenge the thought by listing all that is pleasurable about life, if you can only list one the belief or thought that "life is only for pain" is challenged.

I need to do work on my core beliefs through affirmations, thought challenging and in my notes I have "re-parenting" but I don't remember the details of that. A few I have identified are 'I'm not safe', 'I'm not good enough' and 'I wasted my life'.

edit: sorry for the double post, wasn't thinking.

 

[yellow rose]

I guess I could try challenging it. But I think I always come back to that thought because the pain never leaves always returns, always having problems, had alot of mental illness and trauma. It can be extremely hard to feel it isnt just pain. When so much has been. I try to re parent I think.. I am not sure if that is what it is, but i talk to the younger parts of myself sometimes and try to tell them that they are ok, they are safe I love them and that they are good enough. but then on the flip side I go to calling myself names, critisicing myself ect ect. So it is hard isnt it.
I too have that thought most of the time that '' I am not good enough'' that there is something wrong with me and that I have wasted my life.. Can you private message people on here or are all the posts out on open in the forum

 

[MrMoonlight]

The private messaging feature was removed with the latest update I'm afraid.