Really Severe Physical Pain During Flashbacks - Normal Or Not?

[WTHdoIdoNOW]

I can't possibly give a thorough background; I guess I'll just say I've survived a lifetime of trauma (childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, etc.)

Most recently, after getting out of 13 years of severe domestic abuse, I was diagnosed with PTSD. Was unable to work for awhile due to the intensity of the flashbacks.

My question is this:

Has anybody else ever had really intense PHYSICAL pain during a flashback . . . or even not during, but as a result of a trigger or thinking about an event?

I was in session with my therapist this week and as part of an exercise got really "deep" into SOMETHING (not sure what to call the experience really; we weren't using hypnosis or anything like that; just talking about some traumatic events in general) that triggered intense physical pain (abdominal & pelvic cramping similar to transitional labor). It doubled me over and I couldn't breathe; my session ended up going over by 1/2 hour (which really embarrassed me) because I couldn't pull myself out of it very well. I felt so bad making the next client wait, but I physically couldn't even get up off the floor.

I'm guessing the pain is somehow related to the numerous pregnancy losses that I've experienced (won't go into detail because I'm not comfortable with it & also because I promised my therapist I wouldn't "go there" again unless I'm in her office (last week had a similar episode and nearly passed out from the pain; fell and hit my head on the coffee table . . . so she says I have to be more careful).

Has anybody else dealt with this? I don't know what to call it. There doesn't seem to be an emotional component to it, just the excruciating physical pain that apparently was "stuffed" away @ the time of the trauma. This is not the first time this sort of thing has happened. I've also experienced 'pins & needles,' numbness, & pseudo-paralysis (when processing memories of being bound/tied/restrained for long periods of time). Sometimes just a smell is enough and I'll feel 'it' (pain of a specific incident) in my body. Am I going crazy?

This is REALLY bothering me, because I really want to get better and "get on with my life." But I don't know what to make of this. I can't find anything in any books I've read . . . and my therapist said she'd never heard of it or seen anything like it.

Also, sometimes I almost pass out when the pain gets really intense. Today my abdominal muscles were stiff & "sore" from the "contractions," but there's NO PHYSICAL REASON for me to have experienced the pain . . . . and it quit once I was able to reground and get myself "together."

Any thoughts? Would really appreciate some help with this . . . I'm stumped . . . and it REALLY HURTS!!!

 

[DreamCatcher]

The Body Remembers

Hi WTH,
It is normal. You will be ok. I'm sorry you are going through this. Be especially careful to take extra good care of yourself during this time. You were helpless to protect yourself and process the trauma that happened. You are not powerless now. Your inner child needs you to stay safe... so heed your T and take special care of you.
I have had similar physical flashbacks. It's scary and hard to understand, but don't be embarrassed. Treat yourself with special care during these times. Practice self comforting and do things to increase your self worth and self love... like bubblebaths, mac and cheese in bed with a good book or movie.
It does pass. I hope this helps in some small way.
Sending love your way ((hug))

 

[heather q]

You are absolutely not nuts, I have this all the time, especially when I'm talking about things at the T's office. He is not sympathetic and doesn't take any interest. I ended up crying in frustration because he had no understanding. I read a book called the Body Remembers and I do the work on my own, it is good for me because I'm programming myself and it is working. I was going to switch counsellors and go to a 'body type' but have not found one that I'm willing to talk to at this time, I sensed that one was not right for me and decided to do my own processing while going to this same T, despite the fact that there are problems. I decided I needed to work on those issues and do the boy work myself.

My pains are very severe, sometimes it feels like I'm being hit and I've even ducked out of the way, so it is real and it can be worked through, for me it is part of the flash-back, that in itself makes it a challenge. I have had so many traumas that I have all sorts of different pains at different times. I believe that everything that has happened to us is stored in our body. One of the useful things about it, is that I'm using it at times as a warning signal that something is not right, either where I am or who I'm with. So before I get into a worse problem, I can leave, so I'm learning to trust my body by being aware.

The pains I have are all over the place, so bad that I get nausea with them, how I'm handling it right now is to talk to myself, say something like 'oh that one again,' then I try to stay with the pain and ask myself what else is going on, what am I feeling, most times I don't get an answer but my main objective is to allow myself to feel.

It is feeling that I've avoided and it's feeling that I'm trying to develop, odly enough I feel really good about where I am with this because I've developed some caring for myself, some patience and I'm able to spend time working through this.

Thank you for writing about your experience, I'm glad you did because it allows me to see how far I've come, realizing that I have got a hand on this and that is progress. Once I realized that it is real and that it is known and that it's up to me to take care of myself I found that I could. A lot of my stuff I don't have a clue where it came from, but it's the same process, I don't need to know it all, I just need to let it surface. In the book 'she' talks about breaking, so as not to retraumatize yourself. The breaking is the most important thing to learn because when I find that I'm in a flash back, I brake, slow down, then I start to feel, then I brake again. It's a good process for me, takes a bit of work and is deffinitely the way to go.

I've been doing this for a month or so and it is making a great difference.

Wellcome to the forum, it's good to have you here.


Heather

 

[cat]

Hi WTH

welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear about your pain, the first great thing you've done is having the courage to share your experience with us.

I experience pain & numbness in my legs during a flashback or just a small reminder of my trauma. During my last exposure therapy session I went into full flashback & couldn't leave the chair due to the pain.

As heather says when we are exposed to trauma it can be 'trapped' in us physically as well as psychologically. Although my last trauma happened three years ago my T says it is my trauma from 50 yrs ago that has been 'reawakened' & my brain has linked the two. she has explained that it is an adrenalin rush that causes the pain. Now that I understand why it happens & my T has helped me with some self talk I now longer panic when the pain starts. She also T advised me to read 'Waking the Tiger' by Peter Levine, its an easy read & has really helped me to understand why my body reacts this way. I also find sitting in a hot bath or hot tub a great help with the pain.

I hope that is some help & good luck with your recovery.
Cat

Heather - thanks for the book recommendation, I'm going to order it now.

 

[This Ends Now]

Body Memories: You Are Not Alone

WTH,

Hi, and welcome to the forum!

I am so sorry that you have had so much pain in your life, but I am very glad that you have survived it and are here working on your recovery!:Hug_emoticon:

Body memories are BY FAR my least favorite symptom, and until I found this forum I thought I was the only one. Unfortunately they are part of the healing process, and are "normal" for those of us who have experienced severe trauma. It is a concept that is very difficult for those who have never felt them to understand, and that can be frustrating. Don't sell those feelings short by saying there is no "physical" reason you are having them. Do you remember Pavlov's dogs? Those dogs had been trained to respond to the sound of the bell, even though there was no food to stimulate the salivation response. I find this is a good way to explain it to those who do not understand but are trying to help. Remember that the mind is a very important and real part of the physical body, so if you feel or hear that "its all in your head" remember that everything everybody experiences is on some level "all in their head".

It is great that you are taking your T's advice and being careful to not re-traumatize yourself. It takes a lot of self control to follow that advice and wait for the next appointment. I am very proud of you for taking care of yourself and protecting both your body and your mind!

There are lots of techniques you can use to help ground negative energy and return to the present. There are many methods I use to help my mind remember that I am safe now, such as:
-Press the spot in between my thumb and my pointer finger to cause a manageable and non destructive amount of "now" pain (a rubber band around your wrist that you can snap also works). This helps distract my mind and reduce those "phantom pains" or "body memories".
-Gently massage the area that hurts and remind myself that all all things are temporary.
-Expose my body to a taste or smell that I did not have during those troubled times (in my case coffee and cigarettes work, so does pine sol if I feel like doing some house work).
-Check the date and time on my computer and remind myself out loud that I am 29 years old, it is 2009, I am in a safe place with people who love me, and the people who abused me are no longer a part of my life.
-Talk to the pain, thank my body for trying to protect me and re-assure myself that I am not in any current danger.
-Yoga, especially forward folds and chin tucks can help ground energy.
-Hot showers or baths can help to relax muscle tension, reduce pain, and bring me back to the present.

I look forward to hearing about your progress,

Liz H.

PS: Thanks for the book info Heather, I will be sure to check it out!:occasion:

 

[heather q]

Here's a short list of helpful material, I couldn't remember the author so here you are:

'The Body Remembers' by Babetter Rothschild

'Healing Sexual Trauma' by Peter Levine,

'Healing Trauma' by Peter Levine,

'Emotional Alchemy' by Tara Bennett-Coleman

'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle

These books have been the most recent help for me so far, there are others that I listen to as well, I can add them if anyone is interested. I have found the best way for me to learn is from a cd and just keep repeating it, that way I manage to hear more completely, it's very easy for me to forget what I just learned, or not even pick up the information the first go around, so cd's help quite a bit.

Heather

 

[the racha]

I've also suffered from body memories; they began as soon as I was retraumatized. These are no fun and not good, as you know!! They have definitely lessened since then, but they tend to resurface whenever I'm too anxious. Even though they are uncomfortable, they do warn me that I need to slow down and take it easy.

Is your therapist specifically trained to treat trauma? I'm only asking because, to my knowledge, body memories are quite common in PTSD sufferers. Your body has stored-up a lot of memories, just as your brain has. And just as you are mentally processing those memories, so must your body process its own memories. One technique to get grounded: freeze an orange, then take it with you to therapy. When you start dissociating and/or experiencing body memories, hold on to the cold orange and make sure both of your feet are firmly on the ground. Repeat your age, the year, and the fact that you are safe.

Lastly, I can identify with your desire to want to just get this over with. Sadly, that just isn't how it works. However, you have taken an incredible first step-- good on you.

racha

 

[becvan]

The name of this type of symptom is somatization. From the book, "I Can't Get Over It" by Aphrodite Matsakis on page 36: "Somatization refers to situations where physical pain or physical problems are forms of rexperiencing trauma."

There is also an entire section on Somatization in the PTSD Workbook.

It is actually very common. I found it was very hard, and sometimes still is, to differentiate when it is a trauma memory and when it's an actual pain.

bec

 

[Cryptantha]

I can say from experience that I have pain like in my traumas when I have a flashback. I know that I'm very stressed and on the edge of having a flashback when I start feeling something I felt during traumatic times (don't want to trigger, but it's hard to breathe, I'll leave it at that). That's when I know to leave so I'm not further triggered and might be able to return (if necessary) after the trigger's gone. I'm very excited to read some of the books mentioned.