Rear Ended

[Nate1]

Today I got rear ended at a set of lights before I even got in to town and my monster went in to over drive. My father in law is here visiting so the truck was pack full with everyone one in there. I had been stopped for at least a minute before this dummy smack in to the back of me. When it first happened I snapped inside myself and put the truck in park put on my hat and winged my door open, my monster want to walk right to the other car and rip the driver out of it and give who ever a good pounding. As I walked to the back of the truck the other guy got out of his car with a smile on his face I wanted to rip it off so I said nothing. As I am checking out my back end he is going on about there isn’t any damage, still want to grab him by his throat but I don’t say anything. Then he sees that where his car had gone under my truck there was a black mark left on his car, he stops smiling. I walk away from it all with out saying a word because I know if I do it will be me that pay the price because my monster would have came out and it would of ended with his blood on the ground.
I felt like I was his target just as what happens overseas to convoys. I was his mark and he got me that am why I wanted to hurt this man. I have a hard time staying away from going into kill mode when things like this happen. I can’t bring myself to the place that I am stand but it takes me back to being over there.

 

[Jimmy1]

Nate, well done to you for not snapping. I know a lot of people in trouble with the law for not being able to stop themselves. You should be proud.

I had an incident myself recently, similar to that.

I went to the capital city to visit my daughter and grandson. I was in a massive carpark, and being Christmas and all, there were none. I finally found a guy backing out of one. I did not see the other guy waiting and just drove right in.

Well, the other guy was beeping his horn over and over and I felt the hackles on the back of my neck go up.
I did not realise it, but my girlfriend said it was like the temperature dropped inside the car. I got out and typical PTSD confrontation, I went straight for him.

You know, he defused the situation by smiling and saying "Fair go mate, I have been waiting for that guy to move for a long time."

I would hate to think of what would have happened if he had said or done anything else.

As my girlfriend is only new to PTSD, she was ready to pop smoke and bail.

Just sharing. And well done again Nate.

 

[Nate1]

I get the control by dealing with my 4 small children aging from 1 to 8 years old because I would hate to snap and one of them see me do something like beat some one or worst snap and hurt one of them. They make me control that monster that wants to attack.

Nate

 

[Jimmy1]

Nate,

Apparently I had PTSD on return from East Timor in 2002, but they put down the anger outbursts, hypervigelence, and drinking etc to a thyroid problem. In the end I just threw myself into work and promotion courses.
Anyway, after my wife left me and all that, I performed that well they sent me away to Iraq. You see, the military would just put you down as an angry NCO officer. Good in a way for controlling troops.
When I got back from Iraq, we tried to get back together, but my head as I explained in another post was somewhere else.

Once again, the military psych said I did not have PTSD, I just had marital issues.

So, once I had finally lost everything, was drinking heavy every night and did not give a f*ck, and threatened to punch his head in, the psych finally diagnosed me with PTSD.

The worst thing mate was my children suffered for those undiagnosed 5 years.
I used to find something wrong with what they were doing just so I could yell at them. I could not control my head, so I decided I would make everyone else feel miserable and pick fights.

That was the past though.

I still have my moments, but it does get better.
Since being diagnosed in 2007 and continuing therapy I think I have only really yelled about 5 or 6 times.
I have given up self medicating, I have given up cigarettes.

Jimmy

 

[Nate1]

I try not to yell at the kids and now that you say you would find things the kids were doing wrong, I do that all the time so I can't have something to yell at. Thank you for opening my eyes to that and I will now be watching for that. It sounds like you are really moving on I can't wait for that, I think once I am released this will be that much better so that I don't have to put on that uniform anymore.

 

[patrick]

Two depolyments to Afganistan? Jesus! I hope you are released sooner rather than later, Nate. I don't imagine the powers in even the Canadian military are very understanding about PTSD. Your posts give me hope, for me and for all of you young guys coming home damaged from war. You show tremendous insight. Keep up the open mindedness you have been showing here, and before you know it you'll be amazed at how far you've come in your recovery.

Pat