One of the things that helps? Instant gratification.
I know that's not supposed to be a good thing, and it can definitely become reeeeeally unhealthy... But on the subject of need/wants? I'm sorta kinda working from the other end, here :p At least most of the time. There are other things I'm soooooo needing to put the breaks on. Ugh. But as far as using instant gratification to train myself into recognizing my need/wants?
If I get hungry? I need to shove something in my mouth, now. Or I won't be hungry again for about a week. Or if I have the impulse to go do <insert healthy necessary thing here> I need to actually do that thing, right now. Or it will be ages and ages before I get that impulse, again.
That's the thing, I'm so used to ignoring whatever basic need, that if I don't jump on one of them peeking in? Grab onto it, say hi, and fulfill it? It goes away again. They're skittish f*ckers.
The other really big thing is routines. Yeah, I'm not hungry, but it's 8pm so I'm eating. Or I've just woken up, so it's time to take a shower. Even if it's just almond butter in a spoon. Hell. Even if it's peanut butter (I hate peanut butter). Even if this is the 3rd time I've woken up today, so it's my 3rd durn shower. Something. Anything, just to get the pattern going. Laying a well worn path for these shy guys to maaaaaybe decide to start venturing themselves down. String up sparkle lights down the path (eat food I actually like instead of : probably edible substance...or hot water with super yummy smelling soap. Hedonism as a tool. Carrots over sticks.). When I've got routines down that meet "needs" that humans have (and I can recognize I'm human, even if I don't really believe in these so called needs, exactly, in relation to myself)... After a time I start actually desiring or looking forward to these little rituals, and may even get the impulse.
It's super duper hard in a lot of respects.
- One of which is fear. If I don't have it? No one can take it away from me. (Outside fear). I can't screw up, what I don't have to begin with. (Inside fear). I won't hurt over it, grieve over it, kick over it. It hurts so much more to lose something, than to never have had it to begin with. (Oh fear. You're so logical. :facepalm: Fawk. I have to come at this one a few different ways.
- Another of which is punishing myself. I didn't go burn off those chems or eat something. (Dammit). I know I should. But both of those things would make me feel better. I don't deserve to feel better. I f*cking earned this feeling badly, and I should just suck it up, and quit my bitching, and soak in all the pain and misery I damn well earned, and how dare I feel sorry for myself or say one word about it?. <<< Not exactly useful. I know this intellectually. As long as I can stay aware of it? I can maaaaaybe push those odds from 50/50 to 80/20, or whatever. I'm still trying. I DID make the decision to walk/run to the store to buy food. 2 birds, 1 stone. Takes care of the physical. But I was too busy punishing myself to execute fluidly. So I'm kinda doing it in pieces. Catch myself being stupid, put my shoes on.. Catch myself still being stupid get a little more ready. Catch myself being stupid. Oh. Right. I forgot. I was going to stop punishing myself and actually go fulfill a need. >.<
ETA...I did just go eat something. Since I'm sitting here talking about it :p Felt gross, and wrong, and I kinda hate myself for it, because I feel better & don't deserve to, but did it anyway.
***
I don't think you'll fail the puppy class! Others' needs are so much easier!!! They don't have all this freaking complicated nonsense attached to them! Oh. You're hungry? Here's some food. (But not so much your stomach ruptures, because that would be silly if it's you, but somehow makes sense if it's me??? IDFK.) Oh you're scared? C'mere. I gotcha. SMH.
