Auburngirl
Gold Member
It's not one moment exactly, but I feel like celebrating. I haven't been on here in ages, which in itself is evidence of doing well. I survived fieldwork (not easy, but I did it), I'm actively dating again. And, I'm about ready to get my annual pap smear again, and get a copy of my medical records (something I've been worrying about and wanting to do for a while). I've also "come out" to a few more people, and have been feeling stable for a long time now. I'm not in a relationship, but I've now had "the talk" about my symptoms 3 or 4 times with the guy I was dating at the time, and they've all been pretty great about it. Which means I now expect my partner to be okay with it, and am less likely to feel like I'm just so lucky they are putting up with me (which is how I felt at the outset). I'm still awesome, and everyone's got their quirks.
It's not exactly what I thought "success" would look like, but it's good. I still have to be careful, but I don't feel held back these days. And, I really feel supported. I've talked to my psychiatrist, who has said it's okay if I continue to come by 3 times a year, or whenever I want. I've been worrying for a long time about when and how to stop and whether I'd be ready. I feel really supported knowing it's okay to check in occasionally. My family also went, as a family, to a fundraiser for the Cdn Mental Health Association. I don't know if this had anything to do with me, but it made me, again, feel supported, and feel good.
I don't know if this will help anyone, but I hope it does. It gets better. When I got sick I couldn't find any description of anyone like me, and any evidence of improvement. I hope this can be that for someone else. I sleep through the night, it's been over a year since I've had a panic attack, I only experience "shallow" spaciness now instead of the "frozen" (can't move) type of dissociation, I am actually able to talk about my "condition" without dissociating. I've travelled for months, alone, in Africa, I've dated. Many of these things didn't seem possible three years ago. For me, the medical system was a godsent - particularly the psychiatric referral. It made all the difference in the world.
It's not exactly what I thought "success" would look like, but it's good. I still have to be careful, but I don't feel held back these days. And, I really feel supported. I've talked to my psychiatrist, who has said it's okay if I continue to come by 3 times a year, or whenever I want. I've been worrying for a long time about when and how to stop and whether I'd be ready. I feel really supported knowing it's okay to check in occasionally. My family also went, as a family, to a fundraiser for the Cdn Mental Health Association. I don't know if this had anything to do with me, but it made me, again, feel supported, and feel good.
I don't know if this will help anyone, but I hope it does. It gets better. When I got sick I couldn't find any description of anyone like me, and any evidence of improvement. I hope this can be that for someone else. I sleep through the night, it's been over a year since I've had a panic attack, I only experience "shallow" spaciness now instead of the "frozen" (can't move) type of dissociation, I am actually able to talk about my "condition" without dissociating. I've travelled for months, alone, in Africa, I've dated. Many of these things didn't seem possible three years ago. For me, the medical system was a godsent - particularly the psychiatric referral. It made all the difference in the world.
