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Recurring dreams of sinister robots

Dorrie2553

Policy Enforcement
For as long as I can remember I've had dreams about evil robots that inflict harm on humans, including the act of somehow causing organic matter to transform into some sort of robotic, non-organic material. The earliest of which I remember at age 4 (in 2010), before anything traumatic happened to me. I had a dream if I sat in the back of a car which appeared to be moving on its own. There was what appeared to be an unspecified person, with shoulder-length brown hair, on the front passenger seat, and right in front of me attached to the back of the front passenger seat was a weird-looking translucent brightly colored robot toy thing made of plastic, or glass, or some other transparent material, which was supposed to play music. I also remember hypnagogic hallucinations at age 4 which would frighten me, they involved faceless yellow-skinned dolls which vaguely resembled my mother walking into my bedroom and I had to draw faces on to the anterior side of their heads or suffer serious unspecified consequences if I failed to do so.

I remember having a lot of robot-related dreams at age 6 in particular, the details of which I fail to recall. When I was 7 I began having recurring dreams of a tall thin golden robot, 25 months after my father died in July 2011. In one particular dream I remember it emerging out of a wrapped present and it was tightly grabbing hold of my hands and trying to pull me into the black void and I could not let go, and as I opened the box I had teleported from the house I relocated into in October 2011 to my maternal aunt's house, where I relocated to immediately after my father's death. At age 7 I also remember having a dream about this children's toy which was designed to help with drawing, but later on became evil and tried to eat me alive. Once it ate the victim, they would be shrunk to the size of less than a crumb and forced to walk around tubes enclosed in a tiny hollow brightly colored (either red, blue, green or yellow) sphere for eternity. I remember a very weird experience occuring at age 8, and I can't remember if it was before or after a mouth surgery I had in 2014. I remember being downstairs sat next to my step-father, it felt like a dream, and I don't remember walking downstairs. I then urinated onto the couch. When my mother found out, she took me to the bathroom and I "woke up" and no longer felt as if it was a dream, and I told my mother I believed that what I just encountered was a dream but she claimed it wasn't and she claimed that the entire time I appeared alert and wide awake.

I began having dreams of a recurring robotic figure which I call "Robot Queen Elizabeth II" at age 10, in September 2016. My first dream that I know of that involves this weird mysterious figure occurred at around the same time that I learnt what cannabis was on the Childline website, and also coincided with puberty and gender dysphoria. It has a grey and white robotic body (no color whatsoever) and a soggy grey big decomposed head with big holes for eyes and mouth, dark grey curly hair, and a crown. It always has evil intentions whenever encountered in dreams.

Recently my brother told me that although, unlike me, he very rarely gets disturbing dreams and nightmares, he once had a dream of an unknown mechanical object rattling under his bed after accidentally ingesting a lego brick at age 7 or 8. Almost every time I close my eyes and fall asleep at night, I see closed-eye hypnagogic visuals of severed heads in the black void, being hit by a vehicle while walking, or just things that make me feel uncomfortable to the point that I'd rather not elaborate on their nature. I sometimes also see severed heads in dreams, I sometimes even see my own head permanently fuzed onto what appears to be a giant disposable vape.

I often get premonitive dreams telling me that the afterlife is an eternal black void. Sometimes I get messages telling me that if I do certain actions I will go to the black void. If I disrespect authority, I will go to the black void. If I eat meat, I will go to the black void. If I smoke cigarettes, I will go to the black void. If I smoke cannabis, I will go to the black void. Even if I play too much video games, I will go to the black void. As a result I am a vegetarian and try my hardest to not smoke anything (except I lack the willpower). What I find disturbing is the fact that whenever I get very intoxicated I hallucinate the creepy robots of my nightmares. Whenever I am very stoned I have closed-eye visuals of Robot Queen Elizabeth II. I remember when I ate around 35g nutmeg and at some point I started feeling cold and shaky and I was panicking, and could imagine Robot Queen Elizabeth II enter my bedroom and end my life. That one time I self-administered a low dose of dextromethorphan I had closed-eye visuals of myself in a black void. Whenever I inhale nitrous oxide at the hospital I don't giggle at all, I just feel extremely relaxed and extremely dissociated but hear a vague unidentifiable robotic buzzing noise that I can't quite describe (and I probably heard similar noises while under the influence of pot).

As a result of these dreams, I think about death all of the time and fear the unknown nature of the afterlife if there is one. I am utterly frightened by the concept that the afterlife is an eternal black void where robots torture me. My brother thinks I'm stupid by taking dreams literally and even believing that dreams have a meaning.

What do I do?
 
Have you been diagnosed with PTSD?

What you’re describing sounds fairly typical of several disorders… (Pure-O OCD, a couple of different sleep disorders, HFA, GAD, & the quasi-delusional-but-NOT-actually-delusional-variant-of-substance-abuse-disorder).
 
Have you been diagnosed with PTSD?

What you’re describing sounds fairly typical of several disorders… (Pure-O OCD, a couple of different sleep disorders, HFA, GAD, & the quasi-delusional-but-NOT-actually-delusional-variant-of-substance-abuse-disorder).
Yes, I have been diagnosed with CPTSD, however, I've been having these dreams all my life, before I was diagnosed and even before anything traumatic happened.
 
As a result of these dreams, I think about death all of the time and fear the unknown nature of the afterlife if there is one.
Or perhaps it’s the other way around - you spend a lot of time with your attention on death and fear the afterlife, and your dreams reflect that?

No one can really say.

My dreams (nightmares, whatever) have an unusual focus on various forms of the apocalypse. Weird. *shrug*. It’s been that way for decades. And I know that if there’s going to be a focus on really distressing thoughts, I’d rather that occurs when I’m asleep, rather than when I’m awake and trying to focus on other stuff.

Nightmares are part of the package with ptsd. Learning how to cope with the distress they cause is part of the recovery process, and it may be valuable directing some energy at cbt and distress-tolerance skills. Massive help for me personally.
 
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