Reflection

[munkinmama]

I have spent this month reflecting on my past. I am hoping to open a discussion on a couple topics which will be clear at the end. I share this in hopes of helping someone

My history
I have had many traumas in my life starting at the age of 2. At age 2 I was burned by coffee in an accident and have second and third degree burns on i would say about 5-10 % of my right side.I was bullied in school severely. I have suffered all forms of abuse. I was raped at school during a school event. Over a year I have the view that if I had not endured these events I would not be who I am today. What I have taken from these traumas are valuable personal lessons. Yes I struggle but show me one person who does not.

REFLECTIONS
As many know in my life this is a rough month for me as it marks the 11 year of my last suicide attempt. I take death very seriously and after my experience of almost dying I find Halloween shameful for me death should be respected as things could happen so quickly. Originally Halloween was not what it is today. It was a celebration of the harvest not about gruesome things. I am horrified that we think it ok to dress up as a murder victim for Halloween as an example but the rest of the year we are against murder. Is this not hypocritical? Why are we celebrating such horrific crimes ?

What bothers me about some people in my life as well as things I have read. When people talk about suicide they make statements without ever experiencing that black hole I will call it. They are thinking rationally and using logic that when you are in that place you do not have.I wish people would be more understanding at times and less judgmental. I have found in my life it is so easy to cast a judgement rather then helping someone. I know on my dark days I am not looking for anyone to take my problems away but to have someone be understanding and just listen..

The next thing I reflected on was our willingness to help others. Today is a very much "ME" society. Many will not make the effort unless there is something in it for them. I have had a few people over the years criticize me for in their mind not willing to ask for help. They have the opinion if you do not ask then you deserve to struggle. I have had a few situations where I wanted help BUT did not know who to talk to or where to turn. I also in other times was over my head and was just trying to survive. Yes I wanted help but i was just so focus on getting through the day praying someone would call and offer to help. These situations I would tell myself I am ok and I am doing the best i can but in reality my head is just above water.I have had situations where I begged for help and was ignored. There are resources out there but sometimes they might not be the right one. So should i be judged and criticized in these situations? I get there are people who expect people to rescue them but what is so wrong in calling someone and offering them some help or checking in on how they are doing ? Why not get out of the "ME" society and come into the "US " society as there are situation a person can not manage alone.

 

[beautifulpain]

I really like what you said! I feel the same way about Halloween. I find the gore and stuff very offensive. To me, it's for cute scarecrows and pumpkin pies and Jack-O-Lanterns and dressing toddlers up as animals.. or something. And it's also a time to take flowers to the grave and light candles. But mocking death and making a game of dressing up as a murderer or trying to scare people? No. Just no. I don't like that at all.

I also agree about this being a ME society. Whenever I have ever attempted to reach out to people, I get really negative and hurtful responses. That's not the way it should be. We should be looking out for each other. There's enough bad out there without us being mean to each other.

 

[joeylittle]

I think most humans have a complicated relationship with death. And I think when the topic is suicide, many, many people are terrified of the topic itself. So it's easier to not reach out and assume that there are other resources for that person. Unless you have some degree of experience with or training in talking with a suicidal person, it's hard to know what to say, because there are so many reasons why it's illogical to them - esp. when it's involving mental health.

It makes me really I can talk about it with my therapist and not be afraid of being sectioned.

I have had situations where I begged for help and was ignored. There are resources out there but sometimes they might not be the right one. So should i be judged and criticized in these situations? I get there are people who expect people to rescue them but what is so wrong in calling someone and offering them some help or checking in on how they are doing ?

No, you shouldn't be judged or criticized. I think it's just very, very hard for people who haven't been there and don't have training. And even people who DO have training are sometimes not-so-good.

I wish there could be more education about how to help someone in distress.

Something I have tried to do, that has helped me, is when I'm OK, I reach out to my tiny little network and tell them that I get suicidal sometimes and how they can help me if I call them in that state. Just giving them practical things to do, questions to ask (like have you taken your Klonopin?), and re-assuring them that their job isn't to "save my life". Their job, should they choose to accept it, is to come over if they can, understand that it's not what I really want to do but I'll sure think I do, call my therapist if they want, or feel free to take me to the hospital. Stuff like that. They all have said it helps alot.

But I still get too afraid to call. I don't know what's up with that.

 

[Friday]

I spent a significant portion of my childhood in Japan. Affects a lot of stuff including both my views on Halloween Gruesome and Death in general.

I have a terrifying mask on my wall right by by front door. I love him tons. He's an Oni mask, meant to be so terrifying as to frighten away other Oni (demons) and evil spirits. Similarly, I was taught that on the nights where the spirit world and the living world are close... One has two options : Dress as your dreams to inspire yourself, or dress as the scariest thing you can think of, to chase evil off. I love Halloween. A night of dreams and nightmares, where people wear their wishes and their fears on their sleeves. Or the wishes and fears of others. I like those, too. Sure the 14yo boy dressed as a pregnant nun, because it's funny, might not actually be deeply touched by forsaking of vows, or of rape, or of blasphemy... But in his mocking of those fears? Well, I'm a strong proponent of laughing at fear. Takes away it's power. Chases evil away. Murderers, victims, demons, loss, pain, suffering... These are all fears. And on Halloween we collectively give fear the middle finger. Bite me, fear. You have no power over me. Today, anyway.

 

[beautifulpain]

@FridayJones That's a good point of view on it. And, really, that is the whole origin behind most things on Halloween. Even jack-o-lanterns are designed to ward off something evil. I think what bothers me is that a lot of people aren't able to appreciate what they are doing and why. It would be very different for me, and meaningful, to attend a murder mystery party or dress up as someone who had died from a shotgun wound. But most people seem to take part in these things without being able to connect and understand why it's meaningful, if that makes sense? They just think it's fun, not fun designed to help us cope with the horror in our lives. I remember sitting in an English class once and we had to watch a movie on the Holocaust. There was a scene where a man was shot in the head and killed in front of his family. I started to cry silently in the back of the class. I was deeply affected. Everyone else? They started laughing. And not because they were afraid. But because they couldn't appreciate the fear and tragedy that would have been experienced by the family. Another example, and I can't remember what the movie was about, but a kid was scared and started rubbing his hands together frantically. Again, the class thought it was funny. They said what a weirdo this kid was. I was the only one who really appreciated his behaviour because I could appreciate his feelings When Halloween traditions were started, it would have been at a time where almost everybody could appreciate fear and death. Today, I think a lot of people grow up living very cushioned and disconnected from death and horror in comparison and so, while the tradition continues, I think people are disconnected as a whole from its meaning. Take for example, I've seen girls dress up as prostitutes. Why? Certainly not because they want to be one. And nor are they trying to express their feelings for those who are trafficked or find themselves in a position of prostituting themselves. It's just funny or cool or something to them.

 

[beautifulpain]

I wish there could be more education about how to help someone in distress.

There's not enough out there about mental health. I see that starting to change, which is positive. The average person knows basics about physical well-being: They know to put on sunscreen, they know eating vegetables is good for you and potato chips really aren't, they know what to do if someone cuts their finger or has a heart attack, we can easily take courses on providing CPR and many jobs require it. We just don't have that same knowledge instilled in the public in regards to mental health. We take for granted when our mental health is good, but when our health or someone else's health becomes weakened we don't know anything about it. People need to be taught how to care for their mental well-being, what to do if they or someone else is in psychological distress, etc. And I think if this awareness was out there, it would make a huge positive change for everyone.

 

[munkinmama]

I wish I could be ok with death but I am not. I wish I could snub my nose at it but I cant. Many say that because i came out of my coma on Halloween I should have the view that I in a way was laughing at death by not dying. I will get upset and tell them how dare they tell me to celebrate. I almost made my kids motherless, almost let my abusive hubby win. This is not a reason to celebrate but it is a time to remember that death needs to respected not mocked. I admire those of you who can point your middle finger at death but for me I cant. I just find society has many double standards in a lot of things.