Hellokitty
New Here
I was pretty sure I had PTSD when I got out of the military but I was under the impression that I had to be put into a situation similar to my military job in order to experience an episode. Since my job consisted of being locked in a room with no windows for 8 to 12 hours, responding to emergency situations, and playing wargames, I thought I was safe because there's no way I'd be able to duplicate those exact conditions now that I'm a civilian. Well, I've since discovered that all I need to set me off is any situation that feels like an emergency. I'm in school to be a pastry chef and an 'emergency' can be as little as a complicated order for a cake that needs to be completed in one day. I'll have a panic attack and work myself into quite a state. I'll be angry with the people around me, start crying, develop a migraine headache and I usually miss school the next day. If I just feel a low level of urgency with my life, like when I agree to work extra hours, along with going to school, I start having insomnia again. Luckily, this only happens about once a quarter so I'm not missing tons of class. Since I identified this trigger, I've been able to talk myself down somewhat when I realize the symptoms are coming on. It's so annoying, though! It pisses me off that I still have this hangover from the military that's affecting my life! Being in the military was such a crappy experience and now I'm stuck reliving my feelings from that time on a regular basis. I am looking forward to a day when I can finally be free of the military and able to just react to things as they happen to me and not project those old feelings on new situations. I guess it takes time and work, though, so I'm grateful for this forum as a tool to help me work through it.