Relocating

[Casey_03]

Hello all, I'm writing again in the hopes of getting some advice. This time, it's about relocating. I've struggled with PTSD for about 10 years but only recently stopped abusing alcohol to deal with it, so I am contemplating things a bit more carefully than I used to. Anyway, I'm currently working as a journalist overseas, a job which is rewarding in the sense that I get to learn a great deal and, to some extent, be a part of history. But at the same time, I have no real friends here, no connections, and I don't really feel like I'm genuinely helping people, which is something I believe I'm meant to be doing. So, I'm wondering if it's time to pick up and leave? I don't have a job lined up but am considering just moving back to the States first to get settled. At the same time, though, I am hesitant because I have a pattern of moving to a new city every two years, I don't know why. I assume that, to some extent, that is me trying to run away from myself and create new distractions so I don't have to face my real problems. I'm not sure if this desire to move is just a symptom of that, or me realizing that I can never truly be happy here or build ties with people. Any advice? Anyone else ever go through this?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I used to bounce around quite a bit. I'm back in the area in which I grew up and have been for the last few years. I finally stopped running from things as I've worked on my healing. Don't get me wrong, as I know this place is NOT my final destination. I have no desire to settle down here. My plan is to finish my education and then once I've done that, I'll be able to get a job almost anywhere, so employment prospects won't be what ties me to any given place.

There is a difference in running *from* something and running *to* something. You've already expressed a desire to have friends and connections, so is this possibly something you could achieve a bit easier back here in the states? I think that support is a very important part of healing, and there is nothing wrong with you seeking out support.

If you move back to the states, I would create a game plan ahead of time. You write about running away from your problems, so would therapy be a good option for you? I'm guessing that trauma treatment is better here? I guess what I'm trying to say is to not just move back here and then get distracted with other things in life, but dedicate yourself to getting better and working on your problems. This is how you can break away from your "running away" pattern.

 

[Casey_03]

Yes, I suppose my main motivation for wanting to come back is because I'd have more support in the States. Here, I can't afford therapy and I have no form of support whatsoever; I'm hanging on but I kinda feel like I'm in free fall, and I'm really just hanging by a threat at this point. At the same time though, I'm afraid if I do come back I'd have to settle for a very medicore if not terrible job, whereas here, there is potential for going pretty far in my field -- though that potential is hampered by the untreated PTSD and overall lack of support. I also feel like the situation is complicated by the fact that I've spent a decade in Russia, learned the language and sort of stopped feeling American. I did try to move back once a few years ago and was only able to stay for about 8 months - I felt like an alien back home. I don't want to make the mistake of returning only to land an even worse job than the one I currently have and feel like I made a mistake coming back. But you're right, treatment should really be the priority. Anyways, thanks for the advice! It was helpful. I will try to find something worthwhile to run to before making any decision.

 

[scout86]

JMO, but journalists DO help people when they provide good and accurate information to the rest of the world.

I've moved a lot too. And, I'm starting to realize it's my go to reaction when life gets complicated. (My dad always used to say, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going." I think I tend to put a different spin on that idea. LOL)

I'd hate to see you move back to the States and get a crummy job, if you don't have to. You must have some unique experiences and insights that could be put to use back here. Maybe that will help you land a job here that you'd really like.

I felt like an alien back home.

I've felt like an alien all my life, I think. And maybe part of the appeal of moving is that, for a little while, there's an obvious reason why I SHOULD feel that way. (Never really thought of that before!)

I guess the only other thing I'd say is, if I could change one thing about my life, it would be to have addressed the PTSD soon enough that there was some life left to salvage. By the time I became aware of what was going on, I was old enough and things were messed up enough, that there's not much left to salvage. Sounds like you have enough life ahead of you that dealing with your issues would be a worthwhile priority.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I noticed your comment on alcohol. I isolate and move a lot and struggle forming relationships. However, I did go to thousands of AA meetings as I am a recovering alcoholic. I made many friends there who could relate to me. It is the greatest phenomenon! I have since moved, HA!, and have not been to a meeting in years. There are AA groups all over the world. Perhaps that could be a good place to connect with like minded folks.

 

[Friday]

There is a difference in running *from* something and running *to* something. You've already expressed a desire to have friends and connections, so is this possibly something you could achieve a bit easier back here in the states? I think that support is a very important part of healing, and there is nothing wrong with you seeking out support.

^^^^^^
This.

I've spent most of my life moving. Every 6-24mo for most of it, often across continents. From birth to 30mumble years later.

The only time I ever ran from my problems, my problems were pretty stationary. Aka? Running solved that particular problem. It never occurred to me I could outrun my own problems. Internal, not external. To borrow a famous quote: wherever I went? There I was.

But moving also taught me that while I'd be über-popular in one school, and a social outcast the next, that I'd meet and fall in love with an amazing man after being in one city 5 minutes, and suffer terrible loneliness for years in the next, be sought after for employment in one community, and be begging for any kind of work in another... That how other people respond to me has virtually nothing to do with me. It has to do with luck. Who do I happen to be in front of? My choices only stretch so far. I could set myself up for success, only to meet with failure. If so? Time to start over. Change some things up. I could completely fail to plan, and be met with opportunity after opportunity. Ahem. Those are, yes, the outliers. Generally the harder I work, the less I need to depend on luck. I try to never depend on luck. That way I can be happy when she shows up, instead of despondent in her absence.

It seems like, right now, you are dependent entirely on luck. That you have pursued everything you can in your current place of residence, for a good 10 years, and are met with nothing but walls.

It's not running away from your problems to quit running into walls, and choose a new direction. It's sense. Just my 2cents.