ClearAsMud
Bronze Member
My partner has been home from Afghanistan for almost a year, after 3 yrs straight (except leaves). Other than the first month home, which was unbelievable...I say unbelievable because we were just friends until he got home, and I had no idea what I was getting into despite researching occupational stress disorders...Remembrance Day week was the worst.
He has turned to drinking heavy since he got home, but I can't even believe last week. Beer is the only thing that he feels helps, even tho I know it just makes things worse. He drinks pretty much every day, sometimes starting at 5 am, because he doesn't sleep much. Sometimes all night even. But he hit the booze really seriously this time, 5 dozen beer then onto the bourbon and wine when there was no beer left in the house, all in less than 48 hours!! He was so wasted that in that time he pissed on the floor and the couch three times, wet his pants five times, and the bed once, not to mention was completely impossible to deal with as I tried to accomplish normal life responsibilities. Life does go on as these things are happening, I guess.
I got upset with him several times...like freak out upset when he walked past me to go back to bed as I cleaned up the piss cause he just doesn't even care (when he's having 'war days' as I call them), or when I came home from work and stepped in his piss the third time he went on the floor :mad: . And the result of that is I'm bitchy and mean. Who wouldn't be bitchy??? We almost ended it, I tried to kick him out of the house and was going to drive him elsewhere, but he wasn't willing to leave...for some reason...and we kept talking. I was so done, and the only reason I didn't drop him off somewhere...anywhere...was because he admitted he had become an alcoholic and said he would at least try to make things better.
Then the next day he got upset with me for suggesting that he wasn't trying. That each day putting on his pants in the morning was the hardest thing he has ever done. That each day he didn't shoot himself in the face was a good day :(. Then he tells me the awful things he saw and did, some of them anyway, and I feel so guilty for getting upset with him. I know his pain and difficulties are magnitudes greater than mine. But where does one draw the line? What is 'acceptable'? Normal under these circumstances anyway???
He has made huge strides since that first month home, and often he is awesome, and we are so happy. Sometimes he has bad days, war days, and it usually lasts a couple days or so, and I'm learning of ways to recognize it, and to try to diffuse the situation and support him as best I can. But Remembrance Day week was the worst since the first month and I was at my wits end. Things have settled down now, and I am not giving up on him...hopefully ever!! I love him more than anything, and he loves me :inlove:
What I am most afraid of is that one bad day one of us will give in and just walk away and it will all be over with one angry fight. I'm also frightened by how many people in this forum seem to be struggling so deeply even decades later. But I'm in this for the long haul, and am just needing to vent. I'm glad I've found a place where I can do that...thank you for listening.
He has turned to drinking heavy since he got home, but I can't even believe last week. Beer is the only thing that he feels helps, even tho I know it just makes things worse. He drinks pretty much every day, sometimes starting at 5 am, because he doesn't sleep much. Sometimes all night even. But he hit the booze really seriously this time, 5 dozen beer then onto the bourbon and wine when there was no beer left in the house, all in less than 48 hours!! He was so wasted that in that time he pissed on the floor and the couch three times, wet his pants five times, and the bed once, not to mention was completely impossible to deal with as I tried to accomplish normal life responsibilities. Life does go on as these things are happening, I guess.
I got upset with him several times...like freak out upset when he walked past me to go back to bed as I cleaned up the piss cause he just doesn't even care (when he's having 'war days' as I call them), or when I came home from work and stepped in his piss the third time he went on the floor :mad: . And the result of that is I'm bitchy and mean. Who wouldn't be bitchy??? We almost ended it, I tried to kick him out of the house and was going to drive him elsewhere, but he wasn't willing to leave...for some reason...and we kept talking. I was so done, and the only reason I didn't drop him off somewhere...anywhere...was because he admitted he had become an alcoholic and said he would at least try to make things better.
Then the next day he got upset with me for suggesting that he wasn't trying. That each day putting on his pants in the morning was the hardest thing he has ever done. That each day he didn't shoot himself in the face was a good day :(. Then he tells me the awful things he saw and did, some of them anyway, and I feel so guilty for getting upset with him. I know his pain and difficulties are magnitudes greater than mine. But where does one draw the line? What is 'acceptable'? Normal under these circumstances anyway???
He has made huge strides since that first month home, and often he is awesome, and we are so happy. Sometimes he has bad days, war days, and it usually lasts a couple days or so, and I'm learning of ways to recognize it, and to try to diffuse the situation and support him as best I can. But Remembrance Day week was the worst since the first month and I was at my wits end. Things have settled down now, and I am not giving up on him...hopefully ever!! I love him more than anything, and he loves me :inlove:
What I am most afraid of is that one bad day one of us will give in and just walk away and it will all be over with one angry fight. I'm also frightened by how many people in this forum seem to be struggling so deeply even decades later. But I'm in this for the long haul, and am just needing to vent. I'm glad I've found a place where I can do that...thank you for listening.
