Reminding Therapist Of Things

[ellienad]

I get it, therapists are human too. They aren't going to remember every detail, every name, and every situation or experience that I've told them about in the past. However, it frustrates me when my therapist will ask a question about something I've already told her the answer to. Like how old I was when ____. Or why ____ was triggering.

I give her the benefit of the doubt in thinking that maybe this is a tactic to get me to open up more. By asking me about it again maybe I'll share more than last time or go deeper into the issue? But then again, maybe she's just not remembering and that's frustrating. It takes a LOT for me to share the first time.

Anyway, just venting. Has anyone else experienced this?

 

[ellienad]

I should also add that if it is in fact a tactic to get me to open up more, it doesn't work. I usually do the opposite and shut down because I'm mad she seems to not remember...ugh.

 

[Powder]

Hi, Ellienad,

I would be annoyed, too. I wonder if there could be other things involved. How long have you been in therapy with this therapist (T)?

 

[marylouise]

I think you may want to bring it up with her. Your feelings about it are important. I think that could help you with clarifying this issue. Right now you're just speculating about why this happens. Maybe it is a technique? Or maybe not. You can likely find out by asking.

 

[ellienad]

@Muse Not that long, a couple months.
@marylouise I've thought about bringing it up, but if she really is forgetting, I would feel really bad saying something... I also don't want to question her techniques if it is one, you know?

Sometimes I wonder if she's doing it to see if my stories stay consistent? I really hope that's not the case, as I don't appreciate feeling like she thinks I'm making things up.

I should also add that other than this "forgetting" occasionally, I really do love my therapist and everything she has to offer. This not remembering stuff just gets on my nerves though.

 

[macca]

I was having this happen with my T too, that I've only been seeing a few months, but who I seem to be working well with. I was very upset after one instance of her not remembering "the" thing, that I'd never told a living soul before, and thought I never would. I managed to make myself ask her about this at the next session, and she was honest and said she had forgotten (but explained this empathically and nicely). And, to be fair, I'd told her a lot, and I'm sure others had told her a lot. The thing she had forgotten could never be as significant to anyone else as it was to me, and she is likely to have heard similar things from others before. I guess what I'm saying is, see if you can overcome your fear and ask her - it might be really hard, but these difficult things are sometimes part of our healing.

 

[CVC]

Speaking up about your feelings in this case might even improve your relationship with your therapist. Sometimes working through a sore spot--and realizing you're emotionally safe when you do speak up--can do wonders for building trust in a relationship!

 

[ellienad]

@macca This sounds so similar to my experience! :hug:Thank you for sharing, it's really helpful to read. I too shared "the" thing for the first time, something no one else knows about, and when she forgets details about it it's upsetting. If you don't mind me asking, how did you bring it up to her in the next session?

In my last session she asked why I thought ___ was triggering, and I'm just like :banghead:

 

[ellienad]

@CVC Thank you. Opening up to someone and telling them how I feel is a new concept to me and something that I'm still getting used to ;)

 

[Sweethellishlove]

Oh yes I have experienced it. Actually today she was like what number session is this? I'm like really? Isn't it your job to know? Why the hell are you asking me? Also sometimes re-asking questions. Sometimes I would rather them write during the session and read it later rather then repeating themselves because it frustrates me that I remember everything but they can't seem to.

 

[macca]

@ellienad it was difficult, due to my reluctance to ask such a thing, and also due to my not wanting to have to mention the "thing" again. I think I said something like, "last week when you had to ask about something significant that happened to me, that I had already told you about, it was really hard for me because it meant I had to tell you again. The previous time I told you was the first time I had ever uttered it to anybody, and I was upset that you didn't seem to remember".

It was so very hard to confront the issue, but it helped the therapy relationship in the end - she listened and took me seriously and apologised for forgetting (but also explained it) - something I'd not experienced in relationships much, or ever, ever from my family.