Elena Farely
Bronze Member
I have a reoccurring nightmare. I remember it so well and sometimes think I see something from that dream in the streets and I start to panic.
I'm in a dark room lying on the ground, same position every time. I get up and begin to look around, eventually after wandering for a while, there is a door. As always, I open it and see a little golden blonde haired girl sometimes standing, sometimes sitting facing away from me. When I approach her, I see it's me. As a child.
I usually fall backwards in shock and she/me walks up to me and then keeps saying the same lines over and over. And what is said is not nice.
"You'll never make it in life"
"You're in debt and it's your fault"
"It's your fault your parents divorced"
"Your daddy never wanted you. No one wants you"
"Pathetic"
"Disgusting"
"Kill yourself"
"<Partners name> is using you"
"You're not loved by anyone"
"Give up"
And many other things. Eventually I start covering my ears, start crying and screaming things like "Shut up", "You're lying", "Leave me alone" and various other things.
Eventually she/I come down to my level and then takes my hands and uncovers my ears and smiles at me. She then starts crying blood and bleeding from random areas and I'm covered in this blood. (I am very weak around blood. It makes me feel sick and I panic when I see large amounts of it)
She wont let go of my hands until blood is just covered and I usually wake up screaming with a small voice in my head saying "Give up".
I usually start to shake and/or cry when this happens and it sometimes wakes my partner up, sometimes he spends minutes trying to wake me and it doesn't work. It's worse when I'm alone at my home. Because I feel isolated and scared when this happens.
Some nights I fear going to sleep, try to distract myself and keep my self awake but it never works in the end. Does anyone know any kind of strategy to help stop something like this happening. Which as of recent has become very frequent. And no matter what I try, they all happen exactly the same way no matter what I try to change it.
I'm in a dark room lying on the ground, same position every time. I get up and begin to look around, eventually after wandering for a while, there is a door. As always, I open it and see a little golden blonde haired girl sometimes standing, sometimes sitting facing away from me. When I approach her, I see it's me. As a child.
I usually fall backwards in shock and she/me walks up to me and then keeps saying the same lines over and over. And what is said is not nice.
"You'll never make it in life"
"You're in debt and it's your fault"
"It's your fault your parents divorced"
"Your daddy never wanted you. No one wants you"
"Pathetic"
"Disgusting"
"Kill yourself"
"<Partners name> is using you"
"You're not loved by anyone"
"Give up"
And many other things. Eventually I start covering my ears, start crying and screaming things like "Shut up", "You're lying", "Leave me alone" and various other things.
Eventually she/I come down to my level and then takes my hands and uncovers my ears and smiles at me. She then starts crying blood and bleeding from random areas and I'm covered in this blood. (I am very weak around blood. It makes me feel sick and I panic when I see large amounts of it)
She wont let go of my hands until blood is just covered and I usually wake up screaming with a small voice in my head saying "Give up".
I usually start to shake and/or cry when this happens and it sometimes wakes my partner up, sometimes he spends minutes trying to wake me and it doesn't work. It's worse when I'm alone at my home. Because I feel isolated and scared when this happens.
Some nights I fear going to sleep, try to distract myself and keep my self awake but it never works in the end. Does anyone know any kind of strategy to help stop something like this happening. Which as of recent has become very frequent. And no matter what I try, they all happen exactly the same way no matter what I try to change it.
