Repairing Relationships After A Dissociation/ Flashback

[blueangel371115]

I had a bad incident about a year ago. My boyfriend was breaking up with me ( totally respectfully , none of this is his fault). I lost it I started calling him my abuser's name saying 'why don't you just f***ing hit me, we know you like doing it.' Then I took his hand and put it to my throat. He freaked. I don't know how to deal with this. We have mutual friends that could explain things , as he won't speak to me. I suppose I could just let it go. But I hate being judged when it was neither of our faults. And definitely not his.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Whatever you do, do NOT ask your mutual friends to get in the middle of things between you and your ex. That would be selfish of you, as you would pretty much be asking them to take sides. You could attempt to talk to him again, but if he refuses to have any contact with you, the best thing would be to try and move on. We have all done things in the middle of a flashback in which we later regret. But even more so, I wonder why you are so concerned about the opinion of someone who is no longer a part of your life? Do you KNOW that he is judging you, or are you guessing that he is judging you? I'm a tad bit confused because you say he isn't talking to you, and your story isn't quite complete.

 

[blueangel371115]

I think he is only because we talked after and we were fine but then a nosy friend got involved then he stopped speaking to me. I think she said something, though probably well-meaning, that made it worse. I just don't like people speaking for me without the right to. I didn't ask her to get involved.

 

[Abrasky]

I've been very self destructive in my flashbacks, mainly just a subconscious desire to destroy anything around me in a subtle way. Not very nice was I. I had a very angry 9 year old hidden part of me and I have forgiven her. Sometimes it can't be helped how much I try, I would still destroy myself in a pretty set pattern of ways. I wonder if maybe you think how old you feel when you feel like calling out your abusers name and have all this anger. It might help you to feel that it isnt' you doing this, but a part of the past, it might make you feel a bit better.

 

[blueangel371115]

I felt like I was about ten. Which makes sense. That's when all this started even though I was 26 when this particular abuser came into my life. It was like I wasn't even there, like I was not in control of my body.