Reporting In Two Weeks

[mytai]

I've done the majority of what I need to do before I go to the police. So I have set a date now for myself as a goal. I plan on doing it on my days off. I will report first thing on my first day off, and make sure I have an appointment set with my T for later that day or the following day.

I have the date set right now as February 20th to report. That's exactly two weeks from this Thursday. I'm having daymares about reporting. Some of them are but not exclusive to: that I'm so stressed out and anxious I can't say anything to the police when they arrive; that I'm so scared and anxious I have a stress induced seizure; that my T or my advocate can't explain to the police about my dissociation; that the police tell me they won't do anything or can't; that my abuser hurts me so bad I wish I was dead; or that after I report, I can't cope, that I start hurting myself again, or attempt suicide again.

I really need to talk to my T this Thursday about it. Right now she is slowly getting me to talk about what I am going to report to the police. Getting me to verbalize the memory I am going to tell the police. I have never written this memory down, or told anyone about it ever. Last week we started to talk about it but she got me to stop before I dissociated and puked. She said talking about it at least once before might help and make it less intimidating and overwhelming when I talk to the police.

The sexual assault centre that is providing the accompaniment for me feels I should make the report asap, my T agrees but based on the reasoning that by waiting it is holding me back from healing the longer I put it off but think about it.

Has anyone ever done this with the police before and have any advice? I've reported 3 times at this point (2 for my current abuser, and 1 for someone else), it's never been a positive experience for me so I am really looking for advice or tips here to help myself.

 

[novemberDark]

Hi I cannot give you advise ( I couldn't report)
I can say I wish I had the ability.

If you can do this, you have the ability to protect other lives your way.

All the power to you and be safe.

 

[scout86]

I haven't got any advice specific to the police, but have some ideas on handling the situation in general.

Awhile back, my T was talking about a kid he works with who has test anxiety. He told the boy, as he was preparing for the test, to visualize a time when he felt competent and relaxed. This kid is a good football player, so he pictured a scene in a football game. Then, he told the boy to imagine how he felt in that situation. To focus on those feelings and practice making them stronger and fade away. Then he told him to squeeze his knee with his hand and "attach" that sensation to the internal feelings he was imagining. Squeeze harder, feel more confident and relaxed, etc. He told him to practice this while he was studying for the test and then to use it when he went in to take the test. According to the story, it worked.

A similar thing. When I worked at the ranch in OK, they hired a sports psychologist to work with "the team". She talked about practicing an event in your head before hand. The idea is to "practice" the perfect run. You do NOT want to spend time picturing stuff you DON'T want to have happen. Picture it perfect. You might try to include things like picturing forgetting what you were going to say, then smoothly handling the problem. That's different! You can picture any problem you might expect to encounter, but make sure you picture yourself HANDLING IT.

I've used this in a number of situations and found it to be very helpful. Otherwise, sounds like you have a good plan in place. I have a lot of faith in your ability to do this and do it well. No matter what, I truly respect your courage in doing it at all!

 

[Ryn]

I don't have any advice, but I just want to let you know how truly incredible and courageous you are. You can do this! We believe in you. <3

 

[Mercy]

I'm having daymares about reporting. Some of them are but not exclusive to: that I'm so stressed out and anxious I can't say anything to the police when they arrive;

I suggest that you might like to write down what you want to say to the police. You can check it with your T over the phone if you won't see her soon. Reading it to her will be practice for reading it to the police. Picture the police station where you have been before. See yourself calmly sitting down on a chair beside a desk. I have watched down hill skiers close their eyes while in the starting gate. As they turn their heads or lean to the right, you can see them practice the run they need to make. I've seen board divers do it too. Practice, yup and more practice what you have written again and again until you know what you want to say. And if you forget, it won't matter because you have what you want to say with you.

Would asking for a female police person make it easier for you. It is OK to say that you are nervous and scared. You can do this. Courage and bravery has been defined as being scared and going ahead anyway.

I'll be praying for you if you accept prayers

 

[macca]

I'm afraid I can't add anything, but the rehearsing beforehand and the method Scout described sound like really good ideas. Take your time, and remember to breathe. You are very brave. We can't be there for you, but we are here for you.

 

[jmni]

Don't go in with the attitude that anything will go wrong. These are just people who are doing their job. So they may do a bad job or a good job. Protect yourself by recording it with your phone / ipod (of course don't tell them you're recording it). If anything seems fishy to you or if you are not satisfied, walk away and leave. Make sure to get their cards and their names (id numbers).

 

[Barconian]

What I see is that your T has a strategy. You will do great!!! Mytai, trust yourself :)

 

[jmni]

Maybe get their badge numbers / ids before you start with the report, etc. That way you will not have to worry about that the rest of the time.

 

[mytai]

So I called the sexual assault centre yesterday to let them know I had decided on a date to report, that way they could notify the volunteer who is going to accompany me. They also let me know when I was speaking with them that they wouldn't be available that day to talk to the police for me about my dissociation so that I should contact my T and see if she was available. I called my T last night and spoke with her briefly, she said she would be able to do that for me.

I'm glad my T is willing and able to do this for me, I think it will really help the police to get less frustrated with me during the whole process. At the same time I don't know how I feel about my T being there, even if it is only to talk to the police briefly. I know she probably already has a pretty good idea how panicked and stressed I am about this, but I don't really want her to see me like that. I don't know why... I pace, a lot, when I'm this stressed and panicked. I have a lot of weird things I do with my hands when I pace. I just don't want my T to see that. I know it will probably help in our session the following day for her to see first hand how I was, but at the same time that scares me.

It's just a little over a week away now. :bag::banghead::sorry::sick:

 

[novemberDark]

Mytai you're going, going, going, good for you !.

I do the pasing too, for me I figured out it's in a way, me keeping in controle. I do things with my hands and fingers when I have to tap into memory, to get through remembering in sequence, when it's hard and overwhelming (also to stay in controle).

Don't know about you of course, but I find it just so great to read you're moving forward full throttle !.

 

[Echo]

@mytai, just a brief post, but I think it is good that everyone sees you like this. Your therapist can explain why to the police and can help you cope with it all. She's not going to judge you. I hope you'll find it helpful to have someone in the room who understands you so well. Maybe she'll be a calming influence.