Repressed Memories Are About To Surface

[chameleon]

I can feel them there and they are about ready to come out. They're saying that they are memories of prolonged sexual abuse throughout my childhood which I just realized happened just a few days ago. Seeing as I don't actually HAVE the memories yet I can't say for sure. Luckily though, if the memories do turn out to be true of what I expect them to be(sexual abuse) I already know who did it so I won't do anything too rash. Anybody else have an experience where all the memories come at the same time? And do flashbacks usually come with these memories after they have surfaced?

 

[zombie squirrel]

I'm sorry to hear that, Chameleon. If it helps at all, I've had Ts tell me that I would probably have memories come back to me if I did certain things, and that was actually often not the case.

I didn't have exactly the same thing happen, but I think it was pretty similar to what you're describing. After the trauma, I convinced myself that I'd just had a bad dream. I told myself that for a couple of years. I still had the memory, but it didn't really make sense to me so I mostly ignored it. However, when I was in seventh grade we had to one of those suicide awareness/teen pregnancy/etc. assemblies and they actually acted out a scene of what had happened to me (the beginning of it anyway). It was pretty graphic. All of the sudden I had all these memories come rushing back. I had to quickly leave and go in the bathroom. It was pretty bad for me, but I was twelve so maybe it's not as bad if you're older. I know that's not exactly the same thing, since I did kind of remember it already I just didn't know what it was.

However, even though some of the memories came back quite abruptly, I still don't remember the whole thing. Maybe it will be like that for you, where the memories come back to you in smaller, more manageable pieces. I've even been told (although I'm not sure this is true) that I won't necessarily ever have to remember the whole thing. And honestly, I didn't really have too much trouble with flashbacks or anything until recently when I started having nightmares about the event. I know it's really unnerving having people tell you that or feeling like you're going to have that stuff come back to you, but you'll be okay. Hang in there!

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

You are very brave to be examining your memories! I've heard memory recovery is kind of of like the layers of an onion. When you peel back a layer, another one is right there. I've often said..."isn't the onion gone yet?" Be kind and patient with yourself, and know that whatever happened in your childhood, won't happen again because you are a capable adult now. I believe that these things come up in order to be healed, and it's one layer at a time, as in one day at a time. Blessings & Prayers!

 

[shell]

About 4 months ago I recovered memories of being raped when I was 14yrs old. I am now 46. However I only recovered the part that I remembered when I was 14, and somehow forgot. I did not recover the memory of anything other than initial part of the rape, I not sure if this was because I was so anxious every time I was reliving it that I prevented it, or it's just not there. I did not get a visual memory, but rather felt it happening again and felt my fear all over again, I'm not sure if this was because it was dark when it happened.

I did however managed to confirm that it happened, because I wasn't sure if I was delusional and had never told anyone. My brother was able to tell me who did it, from my reaction at the time and in the following years, even though I had kept it a secret. I had not told him anything other than I think I may have been raped. He filled in the rest of the details for me, which my friend confirmed.

Amazing thing the mind, but it does not necessarily mean that you will recover all the memory.

 

[chameleon]

Thank you all for your replies. I see my T tomorrow so hopefully I can finally get some resolution on what happened to me way back when. Idk though... it feels like I'm gonna be a completely different person when all this stress/pressure is released from my system. That's what has kept me going. Knowing that regardless of what happened at least I will know the truth and the thing that has been eating at me for years now will finally be revealed.

 

[Srain]

Chameleon, my thoughts are with you. I do want to tell you that the important thing is that you don't need anyone else to confirm or believe your memories should they come. Don't force anything or expect anything. The way mine came was in an emotion, disbelief about a thought, denial, then rage, then loss of all that I thought was.I did not and still do not remember most of what happened just THE most important moment.

I immediately felt like I needed confirmation. My therapist reminded me I did not but feeling was strong that nobody would believe me. I want to reiterate for you, should that feeling come up, you do not. I'm glad you are working with a therapist.

peace,
Rain