Childhood Repressed memories of CSA?

[mhg]

Hi, I'm unfamiliar with this forum, so if I'm doing anything incorrectly please let me know.
I have a question I'd like to ask...
Is it common or even possible to have had sexual trauma at a young age (6 - 7 years) but not remember any of it, and instead just have a gap of memory?
I've been diagnosed with PTSD and every professional I've seen seems to agree with this, but I don't have any memories of anything happening. I have memories from when I was younger, too. I can give details if anyone wants, but I came to this conclusion from surrounding events and my own symptoms. Sorry that's vague, I don't know how much detail I'm allowed to give here...
I guess I would just like some reassurance...? I was reading something earlier that said it was very unlikely for someone to forget something like that and every time I hear someone say this it makes me feel alone and I doubt my own experiences. Does anyone else experience this? Is there any way I can be more sure about what happened?

 

[Emotional girl]

Up until last March I had no memories of CSA and then I went to the dentist and that triggered me. Over the last year all these repressed memories have come out.
I have had doubts about remembering after such a long time but I have been told by most mental health professionals that our brain can completely block out certain painful memories from our childhood as we have not been ready to deal with them.
I would say if you feel it in your gut that something happened then follow it.
You are not alone and we are hear to listen.

 

[ladee]

I have many blank spaces in my life. Not only days but a few years that I do not remember. And I do have PTSD. It's hard I know, to learn to trust yourself and what you are feeling.

Try not to focus so much on what is not remembered, but on feelings and simply knowing that something is not right. I always felt there were puzzle pieces missing. So I learned to deal with the feelings, whatever they were, and how they presented.

 

[Hopefulphoenix]

I have not had CSA but was otherwise abused and neglected as a kid. I have huge memory gaps..years too. I used to believe the “thing” that was so wrong with me was being bullied and having a terrible time at school. All the home stuff was completely blocked out.

 

[mhg]

Thank you guys for the responses! <3 That makes me feel a bit better. I've been having a hard time recently (this time of year usually sucks for me...) so I might consider poking around here a bit more and maybe make an account idk though.

 

[Kubash16]

I remember a lot, but there’s even more I don’t remember. I have a ton of hole’s. You aren’t alone and you can share however much detail you are comfortable with. Some on here prefer to stay vague and some describe things explicitly. Both have their pros and cons and it’s completely up to you.

 

[zarae]

I cant remember when my CSA started, how long it occurred, just know that it had to end before high school (death) and it happened more than once; I didnt start remembering anything until undergrad, which was a vague sense of something. I didnt even make the connection that it was CSA for another 8 yrs.
I still only have fragments, lack of clarity.

 

[XXbabydollXX]

Hi, I'm unfamiliar with this forum, so if I'm doing anything incorrectly please let me know.
I have a question I'd like to ask...
Is it common or even possible to have had sexual trauma at a young age (6 - 7 years) but not remember any of it, and instead just have a gap of memory?
I've been diagnosed with PTSD and every professional I've seen seems to agree with this, but I don't have any memories of anything happening. I have memories from when I was younger, too. I can give details if anyone wants, but I came to this conclusion from surrounding events and my own symptoms. Sorry that's vague, I don't know how much detail I'm allowed to give here...
I guess I would just like some reassurance...? I was reading something earlier that said it was very unlikely for someone to forget something like that and every time I hear someone say this it makes me feel alone and I doubt my own experiences. Does anyone else experience this? Is there any way I can be more sure about what happened?

Yes it’s totally possible. I was sexually abused as a child ( i don’t remember every situation I only remember 1 or 2 of them I’m sure there were more but most of that time frame was and still is somewhat cloudy) aswell but my brain blocked it out up until I was 16 or 17 and I began to have flashbacks and body memories then everything made sense. Don’t doubt yourself love.

 

[MPCD73]

Hi, I'm unfamiliar with this forum, so if I'm doing anything incorrectly please let me know.
I have a question I'd like to ask...
Is it common or even possible to have had sexual trauma at a young age (6 - 7 years) but not remember any of it, and instead just have a gap of memory?
I've been diagnosed with PTSD and every professional I've seen seems to agree with this, but I don't have any memories of anything happening. I have memories from when I was younger, too. I can give details if anyone wants, but I came to this conclusion from surrounding events and my own symptoms. Sorry that's vague, I don't know how much detail I'm allowed to give here...
I guess I would just like some reassurance...? I was reading something earlier that said it was very unlikely for someone to forget something like that and every time I hear someone say this it makes me feel alone and I doubt my own experiences. Does anyone else experience this? Is there any way I can be more sure about what happened?

Hi, I have repressed memories of CSA, I'm no visual memories but the body memories. I have tried EMDR therapy for awhile and I had a major panic attack and thought I would pass out. My therapist told me to take a break because there was too much stress in my present life and I wouldn't remember under those conditions. Quite recently I been having strong body memories again, feeling literally sick to my stomach.
There is enough to go on that something happened but I don't know by who or exactly when. There are times I'd rather not know but then times I feel a need to know. I do relate to your feelings of feeling alone and questioning yourself.

 

[Starfire]

Very common, very likely. At that age, there is no vocabulary, no life experience, no understanding of what adult behaviour means. The scarier it is the more likely the brain does not want to deal with it. Just check the news about the abuse by clergy, coaches, scout leaders. At 6-7 age we are taught to do as we are told, trust our elders. Not remembering is an effective way to deal with the pain & confusion.

 

[Rose White]

Hi, my sexual abuse happened by my dad when I was 2 and under. I lived with my dad until I was 39; I’m 42 now. Here is how I experienced repressed memories.

I did not have explicit memories of the infant (under age 1) sexual abuse, but I had a very vague memory about one event when I was a little over 2.

It lingered with me all growing up but it was very confusing and I didn’t know exactly what happened so I mislabeled it in my mind. I even told a therapist about it when I was 22, but she did not call it abuse. (Either the memory was still hazy in my mind or the T didn’t want to face it.)

The memory slowly came into focus the older I got. I told another T when I was in my 30’s but I still wasn’t exactly clear on what happened, and wasn’t explaining it right.

Finally at age 39 it all came clear. I had a T who first helped me see that I was treating myself like crap and everyone else like royalty. Once I realized that I was lying to myself my mindset shifted and I could see that I was ignoring and permitting abusive behavior from those close to me. Around that same time I had a meeting at work about mandatory reporting of child abuse. I put all the pieces together, correctly labeled what had happened that day all those years ago, and made the full disclosure to my T at the next session.

I think my skepticism helped me because when I finally realized what happened I knew it was true so I didn’t have doubt. It took me about 3 weeks after the therapy disclosure to disclose to my mom. She asked my dad if it was true and he said yes, which is an unusual blessing. Then she told him to leave and I haven’t spoken to him since.

After the memory was confirmed by my dad I had body memories emerge over the next six months. The body memories were of two events when I was an infant. I never asked him if they were true. It was like I needed the confirmation of the first memory to unlock the whole story.

I am proud of how far I have come. I realize that most people don’t get their memories validated. However, the important thing is to validate it for yourself. I needed to accept my body memories to understand the severity of the situation because the memory he validated didn’t seem *that* bad. But when I added everything together with the physical abuse and narcissistic manipulation I saw a clear tipping point. If I had never accepted the truth of the CSA, I would have continued to “forgive” him for the physical and mental abuse.