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Undiagnosed Repressed memories ?

marlborogold

New Here
Hi, sorry if this is a ramble but I need to get this off my chest somehow - I think I may have been molested during childhood. I was around A LOT of adult figures when I was younger since my parents both worked and mainly other adults looked after me. Some of these are extremely shameful to admit!

Some things I do/experience which I have realised aren’t common include:

  • Extreme fear of pregnancy from a very young age
  • Not being able to use the bathroom in public places or even ask where it was (so I would wet myself as a child)
  • Being essentially selectively mute for a year when I was 6-7
  • Bad body image / insecurity / developing anorexia later on
  • Feeling uncomfortable when I have a period, boobs or developed sexual organs
  • Vivid dreams about being SAd by people I know and (once) wondering whether it actually happened (waking up naked and wondering how I could’ve taken my clothes off)
  • hyper sexuality & sexual knowledge as a child more so than any of my peers / early masturbation
  • Getting sexually aroused when listening to others talk about their SA experiences
  • From a very young age, watching “violent” or “forced” porn
  • Extreme discomfort around men and flirting with men / any sexual interactions with them and a general gut-wrenching sensation when I think of or am about to experience intimacy with men
Sorry for the random list but I was wondering whether anyone might be experiencing anything similar as lately I’ve started to have more frequent panic attacks or feeling like I’m crawling out of my skin/shivering at the thought of memories I can’t quite pinpoint!
 
I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time, but I'm glad you reached out here for support. Sharing your experiences can be a crucial step towards understanding and healing. It takes a lot of courage to talk about these things, and I want you to know that you're not alone.

While I cannot diagnose or provide therapy, it seems like you have identified certain behaviors and feelings that are causing distress. It could be helpful to seek support from a trauma-informed therapist or counselor who specializes in working with individuals who have experienced childhood trauma. They can provide professional guidance and help you navigate the emotions and memories you're experiencing.

In addition to therapy, connecting with others who have had similar experiences can be immensely comforting. Myptsd.com is a peer-to-peer community where individuals who suffer from or support those with PTSD and CPTSD can share their experiences and find understanding. There are specific forums dedicated to various aspects of trauma, such as childhood trauma, sexual assault, and body image. Engaging with this community can help you feel supported and gain insights from others who have gone through similar situations.

Remember, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, and there are resources available to support you on your journey towards healing.
 
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