- Post starter
- #49
Bristol
Diamond Member
Struggling with this again today so just popped back to read all your messages again so at least i know im not the only one!
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Rescue fantasy
- Post starter Bristol
- Start date
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barefoot
Diamond Member
I've never really thought about this but, reading your thread, I can sort of relate too.
It reminds me of when I was a teenager and I used to fantasise about being attacked in some way. But the focus of the fantasy wasn't ever about the attack itself - I don't think I spent any time at all imagining the actual event. It was all about what happened afterwards. So, the focus was generally someone (usually a female teacher) noticing that something was wrong and me saying I was fine and them sort of coaxing me to tell them what had happened and then them listening and showing me kindness and compassion and often me then staying in their house with them so that they could look after me.
In fact, although this started when I was at school and involved a teacher rescuing me, the running theme of these kinds of fantasies continued into adulthood too. And, if I'm really honest, I suppose I still have these sorts of day dreams only the person in the rescuer role is usually my therapist.
I don't think it is freak-ish at all. As to whether it is problematic at all to have such fantasies - I guess that depends on how they impact you. Mine haven't ever caused me major distress. Slight disappointment sometimes, yes, when I realise that, of course, this person I am fantasising about will never actually play that role for me in real life. I was never going to move in with my teacher, for instance! But I don't think I ever really wanted that in reality anyway. And, bizarrely, the teacher I used to have these day dreams about is actually now a good friend of mine! Funny how that turned out!
For me, these types of fantasy always provide me with some comfort and a sense of calm. So, I think they serve a positive purpose. Is there stuff I could try to unpack to work out why I have these sorts of fantasies? Yes, probably. But in and of itself, I think it's probably a harmless way to feel some comfort.
Actually, thinking more about it..in retrospect, I think the only thing that has maybe been slightly problematic about it is how much time I sometimes spent lost in these types of daydreams. So, not a problem with the theme/content/rescuing nature of the daydream. But the fact that I quite often as a teenager preferred to spend more time in my head day dreaming about this kind of stuff than in being in the present reality. Even now, when I don't feel great, I tend to retreat to day dreaming a lot. Is that a problem because I'm choosing to lose myself in fantasy rather than engaging with reality? Or is it an effective self-soothing tool? Not sure!
Sorry - didn't mean to hijack your thread to talk about myself but my initial "I sort of relate" then turned into realising that I did (and still do) this a lot and I've never really thought about it or questioned why I do it.
Thanks for starting this thread @Bristol1485 Be gentle with yourself today.
It reminds me of when I was a teenager and I used to fantasise about being attacked in some way. But the focus of the fantasy wasn't ever about the attack itself - I don't think I spent any time at all imagining the actual event. It was all about what happened afterwards. So, the focus was generally someone (usually a female teacher) noticing that something was wrong and me saying I was fine and them sort of coaxing me to tell them what had happened and then them listening and showing me kindness and compassion and often me then staying in their house with them so that they could look after me.
In fact, although this started when I was at school and involved a teacher rescuing me, the running theme of these kinds of fantasies continued into adulthood too. And, if I'm really honest, I suppose I still have these sorts of day dreams only the person in the rescuer role is usually my therapist.
I don't think it is freak-ish at all. As to whether it is problematic at all to have such fantasies - I guess that depends on how they impact you. Mine haven't ever caused me major distress. Slight disappointment sometimes, yes, when I realise that, of course, this person I am fantasising about will never actually play that role for me in real life. I was never going to move in with my teacher, for instance! But I don't think I ever really wanted that in reality anyway. And, bizarrely, the teacher I used to have these day dreams about is actually now a good friend of mine! Funny how that turned out!
For me, these types of fantasy always provide me with some comfort and a sense of calm. So, I think they serve a positive purpose. Is there stuff I could try to unpack to work out why I have these sorts of fantasies? Yes, probably. But in and of itself, I think it's probably a harmless way to feel some comfort.
Actually, thinking more about it..in retrospect, I think the only thing that has maybe been slightly problematic about it is how much time I sometimes spent lost in these types of daydreams. So, not a problem with the theme/content/rescuing nature of the daydream. But the fact that I quite often as a teenager preferred to spend more time in my head day dreaming about this kind of stuff than in being in the present reality. Even now, when I don't feel great, I tend to retreat to day dreaming a lot. Is that a problem because I'm choosing to lose myself in fantasy rather than engaging with reality? Or is it an effective self-soothing tool? Not sure!
Sorry - didn't mean to hijack your thread to talk about myself but my initial "I sort of relate" then turned into realising that I did (and still do) this a lot and I've never really thought about it or questioned why I do it.
Thanks for starting this thread @Bristol1485 Be gentle with yourself today.
- Post starter
- #51
Bristol
Diamond Member
You havent hijacked it at all, its just more reassurance to me that im not on my own with this so i appreciate that :)
barefoot
Diamond Member
Not on your own with it at all. From this thread, it looks like a pretty common fantasy. But how it works for us (or not) individually is what's important, I guess, in terms of whether it helps or hinders.
- Post starter
- #53
Bristol
Diamond Member
Yes definately, right now its just making me feel lonely but this thread helps counter some of that
I used to believe as a kid that one day, someone witnessing one of the many instances of my fathers abusive behavior towards myself or my brother, would step up and call him out, but it never happened. Never been any kind of validation of the shit he pulled on us. Different today, much more transparency, parents are held accountable more often, social media, TV shows like What would you do, etc.
I have found that I'm pretty sensitive to kids being excessively punished or verbally abused when I'm out... so maybe we can be the person who is trekking across a desert (bouncing around through life) looking for that person that needs rescuing. I dunno, what a silly fuk I am sometimes.
What everyone really wants is for these things not to have happened at all. Rescue fantasy is a distant second.
:(
- Post starter
- #56
Bristol
Diamond Member
Not silly thats a great plan, maybe we can be the rescuer who didnt rescue us :)
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