Responses To Your Therapist That You Will Probably Never Say

[Skywatcher]

I’m still scared you will disappear. Only now it is different because I do trust you. It doesn’t make the abandonment fears any easier, though. People die.

 

[Kubash16]

I’m still scared you will disappear. Only now it is different because I do trust you. It doesn’t make the abandonment fears any easier, though. People die.

So much this.

 

[Missycat]

T: i could tell you were frustrated with me when i had to cancel our session at short notice
Me: no i wasnt, things happen and its never happened before. I understand
T: well when i messaged you to see whether you wanted to look at an alternate time i didnt get a reply and usually you reply almost straight away
Me: oh, i must have missed the message ( i know im lying)
T: its absolutely okay that you were frustrated , its ok to have those feelings, we can talk about it...
Me: well i didnt , its ok ( im actually thinking FRUSTRATED, i was bloody ANGRY, felt let down, abandoned and i dont want to talk about it i want to sit here and almost sulk and be childish ... lol

 

[Skywatcher]

Since the schedule is what it is this week, your answer to my question really doesn’t matter and maybe that’s why you haven’t replied. In all honesty, I think my little parts just want to know you are out there.

 

[Ronin]

Seriously thanks for getting I’m so totally on things ahead & bunch & how to not f*ck that up any other sorts of supports just piss me off as distractions.

One more WinWin & hat off to you, too. I had a bet with myself seriously perceptive non mil Ts just do not exist, much less somewhere location compatible, and there you are.

Stiiill kind of angry about the gear comment you had, though.
Even if it means I outright admitted I want you safe & well that much.

 

[Let It Be]

Went to see my new T that I had been seeing on a weekly basis.

Began to tell her about what had happened to me since I had last seen her the week before. She stopped me from talking and told me that I couldn't talk or vent about what I needed to, because in her words: That is in the Past.

I sat there and thought then why am I here! This situation happened to me since I was here last and now I'm not allowed to talk about it because it happened 5 days ago and you have no idea what it is!

I cancelled my next appointment because I would always be showing up in the present but couldn't talk about what happened to me before I walked into her office!

 

[somerandomguy]

Yeah, that's an actual treatment method. Some people respond to it. I think it would really suck. Sorry, @Let It Be.

 

[Skywatcher]

I’m really angry that you will be taking two weeks off.

 

[Kubash16]

I understand why professional boundaries are there but I wish we could be friends outside of therapy. I love that you text random YouTube videos to me on the hard days. I love that you are still here after the complete bitch I was to you in the beginning. It helps me so much that you don’t seem fazed when I feel like I’m acting crazy.

 

[TruthSeeker]

New Art Therapist (my artistic part who is quite the perfectionist liked the idea of adjunct art therapy)-until she got into the therapy session....kinda funny now, wasn't at the time.

T: Today, you are going to decorate a box.
Me: Listening, cringing (WTF-that's not art)

T. You may decorate a box using torn colored paper or using paint (acrylics).
Me: Thinking "She f*cking tore the paper up for me-I'm no child, and white isn't there, where's pink? No cool colors either. Paint is too messy. I hate collages-well not really, actually, I haven't done a paper collage that I remember. Doesn't look fun to me. This is not what I had in mind. Yeah, no not doing it. I stand there. She's sitting down...and I'm looking down at her by the chair I'm supposed to be sitting in. I'm thinking "Stupid idea. She's no artist ....ok, play the game, get more info, a hint maybe. What's the point, I don't understand....
Me: Aloud "What's the theme, what's the purpose, the point? I need a theme and I can better complete the task, and decorate the box."
T. Calmly she says, "It doesn't have to have a theme."
Me: Anxiety rising: Thinking "Not helpful. What no theme, just colored paper stuck to a box with no purpose? No structure? You're kidding right? You are giving me a pointless task, wasting my time with baby shit that hasn't a purpose? (Standing there totally clueless and stunned at such a stupid request" Now anxiety has kicked in, and I know I need to regroup. I sit and close my eyes to regroup for a few seconds. It comes to me, the perfect thing to say, "Yes, my friend says the art will make itself (thinking I've recovered-an amazing come-back for a stupid task, given these circumstances!"
T: Smiles and says nothing......(I thought it was brilliant in a tough moment-I turned this around-no positive reinforcement?)
Me: I think-"Okay I can do this-the task is to finish-to problem solve it not to get stuck on the details. Just glue something down. That's my goal. I make something safe-yes, something safe and be able to psychologically explain it as a good thing! With torn paper collage colored paper she tore up, were blue skies, just a few clouds demonstrating things could change (and white looks good with Lots of blue-blue is a happy color), some orange, a hint of red, behind a yellow sunset, with brown and green mountains, and my spirit guide, the eagle...the body and feathers are made....yes, it's coming together I think this is a safe box top. No depth, nothing too revealing, and I can explain it. Got this task!"
T: Is that a hand? (she was looking at the body of the eagle w/o the head)
Me: I think " WTF-can't you wait? (I was irked...I knew what it was and it clearly wasn't finished). I responded "No-shaking my head" trying to concentrate. I thought, "Hands have five fingers..not four......dummy."
T: Oh, and now as I'm gluing, she starts asking general therapy questions about my family and trials, etc.
Me: Wanting to say, " Will you just shut your mouth. Don't you see this has to be perfect and I can't think while you are running your mouth?" so I give super brief answers, and stop talking.
T: Interruption: "Let me take a picture of how it is progressing so you can see how it will change."
Me: Wanting to Say: "Now you're holding up progress, hurry up. Time's running out. This is dumb.....making a box top and not having a reason, and I'm paying for this? I say nothing and work.
T: Asks more questions about my family. So, how long have you been in therapy with your therapist?
Me: Body language speaking volumes-I hold up 2 fingers- Thinking first, "This is dumb" then....oops did that slip out?"
T: You think it's dumb?
Me: I nod- Thinking "I can't concentrate! You heard me...put in your hearing aids. Yes, I said it's dumb!" Then I ask, How much time do I have to finish this box top?
T: 10 minutes- you might not finish, let me take a picture....
Me: Now thinking," OMG I have to finish the task....finishing is the goal, not a theme. Hurry up with the photo....get out of my way." "Where's the glue?" I asked. "I'll finish in time," I said aloud.
T. Hands me BIG BOTTLE of MESSY ELMERS glue all and takes away the gluestick.
Me:-She purposefully upped my stress level on purpose giving me Elmers. I got this, turn them all over and pour glue on the box top....then get a piece of her paper and smear it around. Throw the collage papers on the top and just the eagle, mountains, and sunrise are important." Frantically working to meet my time frame with sticky fingers and a finished product!) Yo, I'm done!
T. Glue that down...(pointing to a small piece sticking up)
Me. "KInda thought it gave it a 3-D look" really not caring about the looks anymore...."
T. "I see you found a way to keep your fingers from getting sticky by smearing it on with the paper," she said.
Me: Thinking: "Did she really say that to me like I was six? I'm not feeling six right now! I taught elementary school...I'm no dummy. I played with children for a living and taught them how to, and how not to be messy. I was queen of mud puddles when I was 6!-Elmers is no match for mudpie Messy Bessy!"
T: You solved a problem with the glue. (as she hands me a Wet One to wipe my hands???)
Me: I think, "OMG, really, you said that? I should be proud because I solved a glue problem? " Some therapy."
T: Oh, you finished in time. What does the top represent?
Me: That's my power animal, the eagle. It keeps me safe.
T. The box is a transformation box....the theme is transformation, she says confidently.
Me: Thinking, "Why didn't you just say so? And now tell me, what was the real purpose of the task?"

 

[Justmehere]

How is it working for me? Please don’t Dr Phil-ize me today.

You don’t understand why poverty is less safe than middle class? Have you ever been poor? No? Then shut up!

I don’t feel like fixing me today. Pass.

 

[Skywatcher]

Well, I have my bricks and mortar ready for our conversation about your upcoming absence. Honestly, I already feel it. The distance is growing. I see your room widening. It was nice while we had that connection. Nothing ever lasts.