Regarding the Journal:
(3rd or 4th session) Me: I hand her the journal... which I labored over....and wrote all the shit I remembered......I was feeling it was an accomplishment to write, draw, and get it all out there.
T looks at me briefly, takes the journal from me, and quietly asks: Do you remember what you wrote?
Me: Of course I do, that's a dumb question- I know what I wrote (thinking why in the hell wouldn't I remember?)
Next time, I hand her journal 2 ask for journal 1 back....
T says: Do you remember what you wrote?...
I reply: Of course ( she asked me that last time...thinking wtf....I wrote it....thinking....didn't she hear me before? She's really dumb today.)
Now, I work in a school....and if someone is going to ask me to ..write stuff that equates to homework..I expect it checked in a timely fashion. Next therapy session:She's not done reading the last journal I gave her, which means she didn't do her homework.
T says: I haven't finished reading it. It is difficult reading and I can only read a little at a time, a little each day.
I say nothing and just sit quietly...…...then comes the unexpected......
"I haven't finished because I have feelings....it bothers me when I read this. You have a lot of trauma, a lot. I can only read a little at a time."
(I think, wtf....she's implying she's better than I am because she can feel shit better than me?.......what superiority! I got feelings and right now I'm pissed off) Then I think, it bothers me too....that's why I'm paying you the big bucks to read the shit in my journal and view my past to help me fix me! I go home....saying nothing, pissed off because T tried to one up me in the feelings department.