Restless because healing needs my attention 24/7

[Friday]

while healing is put on hold?

It’s not putting healing on hold to be living your life, that’s actual healing, rather than reading about healing. Because you’re putting into practice what you’re learning by living; emotional monitoring and regulation, stress management, relationships, grounding/being present, eating, sleeping, etc. It’s not healing to become less functional by not sleeping, getting more dysregulated, avoiding your life, and diving headlong into all or nothing thinking, just so you can read about not doing those things, ya know?

Think about a surgeon who gives up performing surgery to read about surgery all day. That doesn’t make sense, right? Neither does reading about how to have a better life, to the exclusion of actually living your life. The best surgeons both read about surgery AND perform surgery. Not one or the other. And the reading? Is a very very small percentage of what they do. Even in medschool, where doctors read the most? It’s being good at what they DO that matters, and where they put most of their time/energy. Reading and memorizing only gets you so far. Have to actually see one, do one, teach one.

Really. It’s not putting healing on hold to sleep, eat, go to school, study, build relationships, and live your life.

 

[pam4him]

It kind of sounds like a manic episode. I'm wondering if you've sought therapy, and if not, perhaps should. In the meantime, consider setting timers for time to study and time to read the help books. IE. Study for 30 mins, read for 30 mins. Try to think of the reading as a reward for studying. Then set a sleep schedule. If you're getting about 4 hours now, push it to 5 for a few nights, then 6, etc. Try to be as committed to the schedule/timers as you are to the reading and hopefully it will get to a balance. Prayers for peace, strength, and balance.

 

[The Albatross]

How did you get out of a self-sabotaging mindset? It’s something I do with a lot of activities, task, and growth that’s uncomfortable. I freak myself out.

Recognizing that you freak yourself out is a good solid starting place. The lesson being, I contribute negatively to my base mindset day to day with pretty awful and self destructive results.

How? SMART goal setting... combined with practice/patience/persistence/perseverance. BUT first and foremost was securing solid footing for the start of each day... a good foundational base point. Learning management tools and how to recognize unhelpful/detrimental moods/thought chains/PTS or PTSD cycles are key.

Core beliefs are important. If you are self-sabotaging then you're trapped in cyclical behaviors and have taken on/taken up subconsciously the cycle of abuse. First thing is to learn how to put the club you use to beat yourself up with down. Second thing is to learn how to create moments and a base point of peace and calm... third thing is to learn how to establish habits and behaviors that actualize more supportively the goals you set for yourself. Like school.

 

[The Albatross]

Life requires prioritization. If healing is preventing you from doing schoolwork, maybe schoolwork should take priority for right now. I firmly believe that it's OK to postpone healing if you are in the middle of life events that make healing difficult as long as you are safe.

Hooooo boy, disagree. Time management and reality based thinking/organization can allow "healing" and goal achievement at the same time. Postponing healing... ignoring the signals that something needs to change in order to give a goal/school priority is contra indicated. It is not an either or situation. Both can be examined/improved/accomplished in tandem.

I'm curious as to why some people think that school v.s. healing is an either/or. It is quite possible to do them in tandem.

 

[The Albatross]

Too late to add in edit... P.S. It is detrimental to override the impulses that cue healing. Learning how to ignore them can become just as engrained as the problematic symptoms/behaviors.

 

[purple diamonds]

Recognizing that you freak yourself out is a good solid starting place. The lesson being, I contribute negatively to my base mindset day to day with pretty awful and self destructive results.

Learning management tools and how to recognize unhelpful/detrimental moods/thought chains/PTS or PTSD cycles are key.

Core beliefs are important. If you are self-sabotaging then you're trapped in cyclical behaviors and have taken on/taken up subconsciously the cycle of abuse.

I’ve been practicing positive self talk for about two weeks now and I can feel the difference. I’m also engaging in conversations instead of being just receptive to what the other person is saying now. But I still feel vulnerable like if a person’s personality is really dominant, I go back to just taking in whatever they say good or bad instead of putting my beliefs into the conversation confidently. It’s like the belief that my opinion isn’t as good as theirs reaches my brain before my positive self talk do. It makes it hard to create moments.

 

[purple diamonds]

Too late to add in edit... P.S. It is detrimental to override the impulses that cue healing. Learning how to ignore them can become just as engrained as the problematic symptoms/behaviors.

I felt like I was in denial for a while about my need to focus on my mental health and when school got really tough one semester, I couldn’t ignore it anymore. Now I’m to a point where I know I need to grow to love me but trying to balance that need and my need to continue with the program I’m in that I love.

 

[purple diamonds]

Hooooo boy, disagree. Time management and reality based thinking/organization can allow "healing" and goal achievement at the same time. Postponing healing... ignoring the signals that something needs to change in order to give a goal/school priority is contra indicated. It is not an either or situation. Both can be examined/improved/accomplished in tandem.

I'm curious as to why some people think that school v.s. healing is an either/or. It is quite possible to do them in tandem.

I feel really stagnant and like I’ve lost myself when I don’t take time out my schedule for healing. I definitely need both. I’m in my early 20s and I rather get to know me now and grow slower in my career than to focus on my career and not be able to enjoy it because I’m not at peace on the inside. That’s how I felt in sophomore year, like I was making huge accomplishments as a first gen but couldn’t enjoy it.

 

[The Albatross]

@purple diamonds It is good that you recognized mental/emotional difficulty after pushing through a hard semester. That's the cue that initiates rest, self examination, self care and looking for ways to change habits so you can manage better in the future.

Life balance stuff can be helpful. Like good study habits become behavioral and are an aptitude... Time/life management is a great tool to learn/practice/acquire and it is never really outgrown. While a student, no doubt a "balanced" chart is going to be really hard. But the tool is really to examine and assess where you are giving effort to and where is coming up short. Some areas while a student may come up wanting... but it can be easier to know realistically where your time & efforts are being used? Eventually the goal is to bring more balance to areas that create and promote health and well being and can be a good "map" of what might be lacking to give you the best footing for mental/emotional stability and well being.
Lifestyle Balance Pie - SMART Recovery

The feeling of making huge accomplishments but robbing yourself of the satisfaction/appreciation them is common - I call it "moving the goal posts". In the longer term it can become habitual and feed the cycle of unease/discontent/sense of competency... because as quickly as you reach a goal many people forget to relish the achievement before setting another goal. Even if it's something small, try to remember to celebrate yourself a little as you are able when you accomplish goals/have an achievement.

Take a bit of time to balance yourself mental/emotionally at the beginning of the day... could be something self loving/nurturing and some journaling or reading something that inspires you. It's okay to recognize the propensity of interactions with others without judging. The awareness of areas to improve don't arise to be harmful... but assistive. As you can, cuz being a student is time intensive... try to work in mood management and stress management techniques so that you start your day from a good foundation.

I forgot to give you the link for SMART goal setting... SMART Goals: – How to Make Your Goals Achievable

Be realistic about basic needs... rest, hydration, nutrition, exercise and/or stress reduction and promoting healthy habits... they go a long way to mood management with consistency and maximize your efforts.

I hope there's something helpful for you.