Retraumatized

[Shattered]

Hi,

I'm new to the forum and not a vet.
Ten years ago, I severed contact with my family. Since that time, I've made some really good progress with my PTSD.

My mother (and family) is my abuser. I found out over the weekend that she has been in secret contact with my daughter (18) for the past year. My mother has been sending her money and cell phones, etc. They have been telling her personal (and incorrect) information about me, and referring to me with repugnant language.

I also found out that my only friend has been in league with my mother and they have been phoning. I told my daughter that if she was going to have contact with my abuser, then she can't have contact with me. She chose my abuser.

I can't breathe, eat, sleep. I cry all the time and feel like I'm constantly going to vomit. I don't know if I will survive this hat-trick of betrayal.

Note: I did see my therapist last night.

 

[Bumble-Bee18]

Im so sorry, I really am! I have nothing specific to say but I just felt I hadto say something, You really have been through the worst life can throw at you, you must remember things ALWAYS get better!! x

 

[Shattered]

Thank you. I'm not seeing the light.

 

[Deleted member 10425]

Ok....I can completely relate....A few years ago my brother (who was abused as well as me, but who is an abuser too) had a daughter with a woman he raped....his daughter found me...I spent 3 years getting close to her because all of my attempts with family that I DID not want to contact came back futile. Loved the kid and her babies...

Well, she found her father a few months ago. I had to sever all contact because she was playing games. Telling me things he was saying even though I told her the only rule was DO NOT SHARE me with him or him with me....I found out later that she had been writing my son and trying to turn him against me with the lies she was being told by my brother...ok...part of the trama

A few months ago my 22 yr old son tells us he wants to be in contact with my brother and i flip out. My brother was trained by master manipulators and he molested my little sister and brother so I have never allowed him around my children without one of us.

When the kids were little I had repressed much of the abuse that happened with my brother and I was still very 'controlled' if you know what I mean.

When my son was arguing his point for contact with my brother it was breaking my heart....years ago I had a nervous breakdown and unbeknownst to me he had been trying to turn my children against me. He was secretly calling them and telling them that i was a liar and had made up all of our past. Telling my daughter how sick I was and how I didn't love her as much as my son.

I understand completely....and here is where i got to in my mind....not easy....but i got here...

To me it felt like a betrayal of my son to even want to speak to him....but

I had to understand that my family was sick and I had done all I could to protect them as children....now my son is grown I cannot make a decision like that for him. If he had pursued or if he does....he would find out who my brother really is...I just have to be here for him so that he always has me....I couldn't abandon my son because he is my treasure....

My brother told my niece that if she wanted to talk to him...she couldn't talk to me....i bowed out ....My first instinct with it was to give my son an ultimatum...but that would have pushed him even farther away from me...and safety....and closer to them....and more damage would have been done...

I know it is hard....I find out little tidbits from my kids at different times in their lives....but I can never make them choose....they have to know from me ....that i will never walk away....no matter how hard it is for me....

I hope this helps...i completely understand the pain you are in.....my last fight about this with my son was several months ago...and it was in a car ride from nc to tennessee....no escape as he told me how much he disrespected me and how horrible i was...and i cried and cried and listened to him berate me....it has only been a few months...my son loves me and respects me so much today and I am so grateful for that love and that relationship....

Remember when you were 18 and all the adults who had authority in your life were nuts? Well....she is the same way...that doesn't just happen because you are abused...Young adults tend to push their parents away so they can claim their independence!

And your close friend...screw her...she never was your friend or she would not have betrayed you like that...she helped cause division between you and your child....that is unforgivable

but....what do i know...my mind works right sometimes though...

 

[Shattered]

I appreciate your post. I think it is just too fresh for me to have any perspective right now. You are right, though, about people revealing themselves, they can't help it. My fear is that are causing irreparable harm to our daughter. They will not hurt her physically.

I cannot have those people in my life at all. Just the thought makes it hard to breathe and I feel like fleeing.

<The post you quoted above has been removed by Amethist>

 

[Deleted member 10425]

I completely understand...If you would have been with me in the months that me and my son were arguing you would know that I know exactly where you are...But I am not there today....so there is a light!

My baby brother is the only one I stay in contact with and I have to see pics of his first baby being held by the pervert who ruined my life....let me tell you....I know how hard it can be. I go through every emotion and then I just have to realize there is nothing I can do. I protected my children...

I am sorry for where you are...I had nowhere to turn when I was there so atleast you have this....

 

[Shattered]

I do feel better. I know my husband can only take so much talking about it. He is numb right now. Talking doesn't help him, it just dredges up all the emotions to the surface. I'm also doing therapy twice a week. I'm really happy to have found this board/website. A couple of nights ago, I was working up a first draft of a a suicide letter in my head. That's the first time I've revealed that. I'm afraid my husband and therapist with are ready to put me in the rubber room.

 

[Deleted member 10425]

do u wanna go chat? so we quit blowing up your board....i have already shared stuff in 2 days here that i never shared with anyone in 43 years

 

[Shattered]

I don't know how.

 

[Deleted member 10425]

just go up to the top of the home page and there is a chat button...push it and enter the room

 

[Artemis]

Gosh Shattered, I cannot imagine how you must feel.... I would have trouble not having murderous thoughts if my mother tried to take my daughter into her sick little world... I know that kids at that age do question their parents and I can only hope that she comes to see who your mother really is and get away from her soon...

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Welcome to the forum, Shattered!

I hope you find support in the forum that can help you cope with your experiences. Your situation definitely sounds extremely difficult. My thoughts are with you...

Take care!