Returning To Studies: How To Build And Maintain Confidence And Motivation?

[ms spock]

I am returning to my art studies this year. I am also returning to my study of ornithology as well.

I am concerned about having the confidence in my abilities and being able to remember things. Does anyone have an tips and strategies about this?

I am very nervous. I did manage to go to art classes each day last year but it was difficult and I was dissociated and rescued people a lot. This year I hope to be grounded, stay in my own space and not get overly involved in other people's lives and concerns.

I plan to do four 5 minute study periods a day to start myself off. Two for art, one for drawing and one for art history. Two for ornithology, one in reading/identification and one practical looking at birds.

I find it immensely helpful to reply to different threads about various aspects of life - it really helps me think things out and tease issues out that I wouldn't otherwise. It also helps me commit and come back and report that I did it. Accountability helps me a lot. So I thought I would report back my successes here. Please join in...

 

[71nothing]

Good for you for going back to your studies! It's a big step to take. I returned to mine after a major PTSD episode in my late teens. At that time I was forced to withdraw from college and was in and out of hospitals. I returned after about five years.

It is a hard step to go back but it sounds like you are planning ahead. Good idea to not get overly involved in others lives. It's very possible to be social without needing to be everyone's savior! Respect your own boundaries and expect others to do the same.

Great idea to pre-plan your study times. I find that when I pre-plan like that it keeps me more grounded and focused on what I need to do. If I do dissociate then I have a set schedule that I can use to ground myself to return.

Don't forget to add time to your day to report in on how it's going. I'm rooting for you!

 

[discarded]

I think it is fantastic that you are returning to study. My psychologist has suggested it to me on many occasions but I am nervous about going back after so many years and at my age. I think I would have to develop my computer skills just to do the assignments. First step of course would be to decide on what to study. I have no idea.

Good luck!! Do keep us all updated on how you are going.

 

[ms spock]

Well I cleared out space in my study/art studio area! I have a lot more to get rid of but I made serious inroads today.

I got ready for tomorrow.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Ms. Spock,

Sounds like you have thought out a plan and set goals. The only thing I can suggest is keep a schedule of some sort and check off each study period as it is completed. I find the more organized I am the less stress I have.

One thing about keeping a schedule, is make sure you just keep the priorities on it. I found that I could overload my days and then I ended up feeling like a failure because I didn't "do" everything I set out to do. I have learned to ratchet it back a bit, but it is a work in progress.

Best of luck in your studies. I sounds to exciting.

Deb

 

[ms spock]

Well I have to pack up my stuff but basically I ready for classes today.

I reenrolled at university yesterday for second semester.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think that's wonderful Ms Spock, great for you! :)

I agree with what the others have suggested above, and would only add, remember you love it, remember it's part of who you are and what you enjoy. And some days will be not so great, but I bet most will feel wonderful. Once you are back in, as time goes everything will be easier, starting is the hardest part.

At some point, maybe you can even do a piece (only if you want), in your friend M's honor? And one for you, as well.

Congratulations and I'll be pulling for you! A new adventure! You are very brave! :) (((((((((((((Ms Spock)))))), xoxox.

 

[Invisible-Guy]

Start off with 1 class and see how you do. Get ahold of disability services and see if you can get additional time for your tests and some free tutoring. When I was able to go to school I had to sit in the back. If I get nervous or restless, I'd just slip out for a few. They must have though I had a very small bladder LOL!

 

[ms spock]

Well I went to classes today.

I was so anxious I could barely draw on the page. It is all about knowing who you are so you can channel your vision. Well I don't know who I am. I really felt like I am not good enough today. I think coming in contact with who I am is dealing with a fair bit of not feeling good enough.

I had a sense today that I don't want to know who I am as I am not a very nice person and a great disappointment. It was challenging.

I was mostly grounded and present.

I was thinking about what Potter's Hand wrote in her diary about never feeling good enough. I have been working on that with my psychriatrist. It was challenging. This is why I have never been able to stick with anything because I have been so stuck in feelng that nothing I ever do will be good enough.

I did mostly stay present. I did the work. I have a LOT of practice to do.

I was there enough today to actually get it today. That was good. I was able to understand what was being said and take it in most of the time. I could see how I could work towards improving on a technical level and also on a knowing myself level.

There are so many levels of study going on.

For awhile I didn't compare my work to other people's work and I got a few things and I was doing the placement of shape and line on the page well. I felt competent for awhile. I feel like this is something I can actually get on top of.

When I came home I felt miserable about it all. I felt like I am not good enough. That nothing I ever do will be enough. That I can do it all. I felt like unhappy and blah.

Before we left all the work was critiqued and my work was the 2nd least developed drawing there. It was a little embarrassing. But then I like the other work that the other woman had done that was underdeveloped too.

So I realised that I have to work out what I like. This is a challenge. I have to develop enough of a personality outside the PTSD reacting and thinking to move into the world and decide what I like.

My drawing was pretty crappy. But I brought it home to work on it. I also have some extension work to do that my teacher suggested. So I will do that. It is a lot about being present and noticing. It is a lot about practicing and application.

 

[Invisible-Guy]

Hang in there, as the semester goes on, hopefully it'll get a little bit easier. It's great that you were able to set foot on the campus! You've already made progress. Not being good enough, not smart enough, not sure if you're a good person..... Just that fact that you asking yourself if you're a good person indicates that you are. All the negativity is the PTSD talking. I'm haunted by the same internal dialog every single day.

 

[ms spock]

Start off with 1 class and see how you do.

I have enrolled in one subject for my ornithology course in second semester - the second part of this year because I am concerned whether I will remember or even be able to read science at this stage that is why I am starting of with the two 5 minute periods per day, which I haven't started yet but I am planning to. So it will be one subject.

When I was able to go to school I had to sit in the back. If I get nervous or restless, I'd just slip out for a few. They must have though I had a very small bladder LOL!

That is a good strategy. For this class it is fieldwork and long distance study.

 

[ms spock]

I went to class last night. I paced myself and completed my task.

Today so far I have done:

1x 5 minute bino practice.
1x 5minutes reading study session

I hope to do

1x bird identification study session
1x drawing session