Revisiting Past Trauma

[Beetle]

I have only ever spoken once about my past trauma when I was in therapy a few years ago. It took me my entire life time to achieve this. I vowed I would never talk about events again. I now find myself on an emotional roller coaster, I have a lovely psychotherapist who is very understanding but will not tell me what to do. He says I know what I have to do.

I guess their training means they do not tell their clients what to do and how to behave. I am ok with this most of the time and if he did tell me what to do I would tell him where to go.

So my question is this, do I need to talk about everything again or maybe just the events which have been evoked. Does talking about past events make their presence in the here and now weaker. Will reliving the past in therapy make life easier going forward.


The emotions I am having now do not belong to my life now and I know this. They interfere with me living my life. I spend hours and days being upset and unable to function because of the past.

If I know talking it all through again would help then I would find the courage to do this. I know doing this will cause me distress but if it means I will feel better afterwards then I know I can do it but if there is no benefit other than distress then I will find another way.

I am sorry if what I have written is not clear, I am trying to ask for help but at the same time I know I am avoiding the subject matter and how difficult this really is.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Is he a trauma therapist? The truth is that you don't know what to do. (Not being rude.) We don't get through trauma simply by talking about it because talking about it isn't really processing what has happened to us. It is the therapists job to guide us through the steps of processing so that we can truly understand what happened, leave the past in the past, and move forward.

To answer your questions.... Different therapies require different levels of detail. I had to describe/draw/re-view my entire trauma, but not in nitty-gritty detail. It wasn't necessary in my processing.

Simply talking about events won't necessarily make them weaker in the here and now. It may actually make them stronger because you could end up reinforcing negative neural pathways.

Why in the world would you want to relive your trauma in therapy? The ultimate goal is to process our trauma without reliving it. (Not an easy task, but it can be done in the right setting with the right therapy/therapist).

 

[Bedbug]

I like Babette Rothschild's approach. In her book, 8 Keys to Safe Trauma Recovery, she argues that reliving the details of trauma are not necessary to recovery, despite this being a commonly held view. For some, it can be beneficial, but for others it can lead to a worsening of their symptoms. Instead of reliving the details, she suggests working towards ways of recognising that our memories (where they exist) are memories, of events that are in the past, and which we survived. She has a lot of good advice on ways to recover from trauma without reliving details, although much of her advice would apply in both situations.

I am not currently in therapy but I have benefited from Babette Rothschild's approach. I would recommend taking a look at this book. However, we each benefit from different approaches and this may not be the one for you. I wish you success in your recovery.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@Bedbug,
I haven't read the book. Does she literally say "reliving the trauma isn't necessary" or does she say "discussing trauma in detail isn't necessary" or does she say both? It's possible to process trauma with a reasonable amount of detail without reliving it.

Reliving is very different from remembering or even being able to discuss it in detail. I ask because there is a misconception that if one talks about the trauma, they are reliving it, but this isn't necessarily so. I'm wondering if you are personally against processing because you don't want to relive your trauma?

 

[Bedbug]

Does she literally say "reliving the trauma isn't necessary" or does she say "discussing trauma in detail isn't necessary" or does she say both? It's possible to process trauma with a reasonable amount of detail without reliving it.

Both. And furthermore that it is possible for some to improve their quality of life to a degree that would be considered "recovery" without any amount of recall or processing.

She accepts that, for many, the surest route to recovery will be through detailed memory recall, discussion and processing (the "revisiting" the original poster is concerned about) but points out that the field of traumatic stress has moved on from this rather dogmatic position and now sees alternative routes to recovery. She does not dismiss the approach but suggests alternatives for those who might not find it the best route to their recovery.

I thought the original poster might benefit from knowing that an increasing number of professionals are turning away from the approach of: you must recall and discuss in great detail, over and over again (often to the point of "reliving"), in order to process and thereby to heal. Recovery can be achieved with a lesser degree of memory recall leading to processing (as you pointed out) and it does not always require discussion. It can also be improved without recalling the trauma at all. I realise that these last two approaches are more controversial but I think many will take comfort from the idea that recovery and healing is still possible. Some do not want to discuss their memories with another person, some do not want to remember, some cannot remember, some become worse when they remember. Recovery may still be possible without forcing this.

I'm wondering if you are personally against processing because you don't want to relive your trauma?

For myself I am working on recalling and processing my memories, without reliving them in great detail. Do not assume that because I am not currently in therapy that I am not working towards recovery, and also using a fairly traditional approach. I have put a lot of work into increasing my stability and safety and am beginning to look at, and process, my memories. However, I recognise that there is not a "one size fits all" treatment as we are all so different.

I strongly recommend reading this book if you get the chance.

 

[Marf]

I encourage you to read your post to your therapist and get his/her input. Plus, ask about experience in processing client's trauma.

 

[Hashi]

I've already said some things in this thread
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/what-does-processing-trauma-really-mean.27858/page-5#post-579915
as have others.

You're using the words "relive" and "revisit". That's not how I see processing at all. I think the most important thing is to be firmly in the present and to know that you're processing something that happened in the past. ie you work to be aware of it from a distance, you don't go right back there.

I believe in some amount of talking, because I think there's a point where it's good to have a witness, it's good to put things into a narrative (which also helps relegate them to the past), and it can lead to much-needed validation and reassurance. I agree with @Solara, though, that you want to avoid reinforcing negative neural pathways. Disclosing and discussing trauma can be very distressing, but it should also feel like a move forward overall.

I had somatic therapy (craniosacral therapy) before I had talk therapy. The somatic therapy released a lot of fear and trauma energy. I think I'd have found talk therapy much grimmer without that beforehand.

When I do talk about things, I use symbolism a lot. For example, to express one feeling I made a collage with myself represented as a mermaid being attacked by sharks, then talked with my therapist about it. I do the same thing with metaphors/poems.

There are a lot of different therapies, and a lot of ways to "talk".

I also agree with @Marf - everything you've said would be good to discuss with your therapist. The two of you need to be working in a partnership. I've always set my own pace in therapy, but my therapist and I talk a lot about how we'll approach things and keep things safe.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@Bedbug,
You repeatedly say that everyone is assuming things about you when this isn't the case. We can only reply based on what you've said and I was questioning your position because you were very unclear as to what you were saying.

I was once adamantly against processing in therapy, like you, but unlike you, I had tried a lot of different ways to process in therapy, none of which worked. I finally found one which didn't cause flashbacks, dissociation, etc. it is a new type of processing that hasn't been accepted by mainstream psychiatry. All of the research you've done is regarding older processing methods and I believe that many of these methods are archaic. You apply blanket statements which aren't necessarily true. Those professionals who say that recalling in detail isn't necessary say this because it puts people in a bad place. They were not referring to newer processing methods that prevent dissociation and reliving. We're not even arguing the same thing because you're discussing older methods whereas I am discussing a newer method.

 

[Bedbug]

@Solara, I'm sorry if my first post in this thread was unclear. Hopefully my second one was clearer. I only meant to point the original poster, @Beetle, towards some easily accessible material that I thought she might find pertinent to her dilemma. The thread @Hashi provided the link for contains some very good food for thought too. I learned a great deal from it.

Would you mind pointing me towards some information regarding this new therapy you undertook? I'm intrigued and would like to know more. From what you say, it may help @Beetle too.

Edited to add: I take it this was the therapy you were referring to:
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/intensive-trauma-therapy.20164/

 

[Beetle]

Thank you all for replying. Plenty for me to be looking into and considering.

My original therapy was with a highly respected and well known trauma therapist. I feel very fortunate to have been given the opportunity to work with him. As you can imagine it was far from easy.

I managed to go 18 months without therapy before a quite insignificant event in my life triggered my PTSD.

I believe my current therapist is encouraging me to process in a healthy way and to do it in the here and now. He is very patient and understanding and will not collude with me. I quite often give him a hard time, but he is ok with this. I am extremely avoidant and at times I become mute.

I will read up on Babette Rothschild and look at the links some of you have given me.

I do not want to talk about anything which is past as I cannot change it but it's impact on my life once again is just horrid. This time round I am experiencing it differently than before.

I feel very confused about everything, my emotions and understanding them, at times I cannot even give them a name, I am just flooded by them. I do not know who I am which is awful. I do not know who I want to be, how I want to be. At times there are many voices in my head and I do not know which one to listen to, which one is right.. ........ There is my dilemma, I have OCD tendencies and one aspect of this is the need to get everything I do right, I need order even with my emotions.

I am starting to feel panicky so I must stop this now. Thank you once again.