Rough Emdr Session Today

[Marymickaela]

I started EMDR in July and it was rough for the first few months. I usually dissociated and it took me days to recover. The last couple months we've been working on present things, like health problems, issues with my psychiatrist and last week we worked on my H getting frustrated with my need to have things perfect. I was feeling manic last week when we first started. Doing EMDR I realized I needed approval from my father, thus the need to be perfect. At the end of the session I felt so much better and calmer. The last couple months have also been that way. I've felt so much better after processing the issue.

Well today I was in a really good place. I've been doing lots of meditating everyday and using self-talk to keep my Christmas stress under control. I said don't know what we should work on and my Tdoc said let's work on your abusive father. So we went back to an incident when I was about 13 and witnessed my father kick my mom so hard in her ribs I could hear the bones break. I went thru the entire senerio in as much detail as I could remember and all that trauma came flooding back. By the end of our session I was a mess mentally and physically. It's now 8 hours later and I just feel so out of it and I can't explain the feeling. Drained.

She said next week we'll do this all over again and keep processing that memory until I've worked thru it and it doesn't bother me. I wish we hadn't done that memory today as I don't like feeling this way. It just hurts too much. When we were done we talked a bit and she talked about my PTSD, which made me feel validated that here I am, going to be 65 in 3 days, and how can something from so long ago still have such an impact.

 

[VioletButterfly]

I've come out of therapy like that as well. Just kind of shaken and stirred. It was usually after we tapped some feelings that I don't feel comfortable with and behind which a lot of memories are waiting to flood out. It's like a door gets opened a little and it is jarring, to the say the least. I'm sorry you've had the reaction and hope that you can find a way to soothe and care for yourself. It sounds like you have good tools on board with which to work, that's a very good thing to know, right?

Regarding why things still hurt and affect as they do after so many years, all I can say is that perhaps it is because they've been bottled up, stored away, denied - basically, and ignored for so many years. Now they are being pulled into the light and it seems to upend our desire for stability and normalcy. Change is hard and for me when my boat is rocked, I don't do so well with it the older I get. I'm closer to your age, so maybe that is the page you're on. Not sure if that's what's going on with you though, but just something I've been ruminating on.

I hope you can find some peace. If that is your dog on your avatar, maybe you can roll around in the grass or hug him/her. So cute! :) VB

 

[seedling]

I've had some hard days after EMDR. The first time on an intense memory is the toughest for me. I started EMDR after five years of therapy combined with almost four years of acupuncture. I think the EMDR would have been much more intense if it was one of the first therapies I tried. I have childhood trauma that popped up after my adult trauma that caused the PTSD.

If the aftereffects lessen with time and you can continue with the work with positive results then I would say that the side effects would be worth it.
It your reactions are more and more intense be sure to talk about this with your therapist. The end result you want is a lessening of symptoms after all your hard work.

Hang in there, EMDR is challenging. Hope you are feeling better today.

 

[Marymickaela]

Thanks for your responses. Got little sleep last night and this morning was rough. Went off on my H a couple times, but as the day progressed I started feeling better. I working on a quilt for my H for Christmas so worked on that, which felt good. Laid down this afternoon and meditated using a wonderful stress tape and for some reason regressed again, meaning I'm feeling very tired, listless and my emotions feel blunted.

I guess I was feeling so good before the EMDR yesterday I naively thought I was over that childhood abuse, that the EMDR work I'd already done had cured me. NOT!!!

I've been in traditional therapy for over 10 years and the last 2 years I would see the therapist once a month to check in, talk about why I couldn't lose weight, moan and groan about trivial stuff and say see you in a month, although she did keep me stable even seeing her once a month. However, I knew I needed more and found this Tdoc in April. She's a Godsend. Even when we've worked on current issues I've been extremely upset about, after doing the EMDR on it I'm so much calmer and able to put things in perspective.

I guess the childhood stuff is just going to take time as that's where I need to go to get to the root of my problems and heal. I just wish I had found her 10 years ago.

I want to add that I started getting therapeutic massages every two weeks back in September and that's been extremely helpful.

 

[seedling]

I was feeling so good

This is great!

It sounds like you are on a great road for recovery and healing. Yeah, the early stuff is difficult.

It's been wonderful for me to have the bad old memories start to turn positive with the EMDR. I know when I'm getting to the end of processing when the positive cognitions start to take over. Instead of "I was powerless" or " I couldn't do anything" I start to understand how I was powerful and how I did do something.

Massages sound good!