So... we had to go to our State Capital, which is a 5 1/2 hr drive away. Planned to go on Thurs, stay overnight at a friend's empty house and drive back on Fri. But my vet couldn't sleep - and if he can't sleep then no-one in the house can sleep. So seeing as we were all awake, we left the house at 4am on Thurs. Got to the State Capital nice and early, did what we needed to do. My vet was really struggling with the crowds, noise and heat so he decided that it would be better to drive home again than stay the night. Got home at about 9pm.
On Fri we were out in the paddock and he was busy with something and his dog (which he adores) was standing next to me. The dog took off after a roo. I tried to call it back but it never listens to me - mostly because he seems to find it amusing when the dog ignores me and the dog picks up on that. I quickly called out to him that the dog was after a roo and he called it but it ignored him too - which he doesn't find amusing btw!
He was furious with me and told me that I could forget about the puppy we've talked about because I'd let the dog we have run off. He also said I'd better find the dog seeing as I lost him. Anyway, the dog came back and he calmed down.
Sat we went hiking for hours and had a really nice day. I was thinking that we were getting along much better and things were good. I was still a bit upset about the puppy - which he said he did now want but I told him to think about for a few days. I'm worried that if the puppy does something wrong then I will get the blame.
Sun we were feeding our horses when we noticed one of them needed his hooves trimmed. My vet asked me to go and get him the stand and the files. i did. When I got back he asked me if I had got his gloves. Sometimes he wears gloves when he does the horses hooves but other time he doesn't. I offered to go back and get them but he said no it would be ok.
While he was doing the horses front feet his back went. He was a paratropper and his back is terrible at the best of times. He felt the disc blow out. He was in a lot of pain and I said to not worry about the back feet. He said it makes no difference - it just hurts all the time and lifted the horses' back foot. The horse moved and he accidentally rasped a big chunk out of his finger. He started yelling at me and threw the file into the ground. (Its a big metal file). He was screaming that people don't f*cking think and he ends up getting hurt. He walked off and then turned around and came right at me screaming that it was all my fault because I didn't think to get gloves and he shouldn't have to tell me everything and I don't give a f*ck that he ends up getting hurt. He flicked his hand which was bleeding at me and blood splattered on my shirt. He seemed to be more enraged by that and flicked his hand at me again so that the blood splattered on my face and neck. Then he stormed off.
He apologised for yelling once he had calmed down. I told him that I wasn't used to having blood splattered in my face and I was quite upset. He got a little cranky again and told me not to make a big deal out of it.
Once he had calmed down a bit more he started apologising over and over and saying how he is a horrible person and he should just go away and leave me because he is terrible.
I have previously spoken to professionals who say he is at least partly disocciating in these rage episodes. He literally doesn't know what he is doing.
I don't know how to express how much he upsets me when he behaves like this without having him feel (even more) worthless and miserable. Its really hard.
Last night I helped him by massaging his back and he was really appreciative. This morning he has sent me some affectionate messages and phoned to say how much he loves me.
On Fri we were out in the paddock and he was busy with something and his dog (which he adores) was standing next to me. The dog took off after a roo. I tried to call it back but it never listens to me - mostly because he seems to find it amusing when the dog ignores me and the dog picks up on that. I quickly called out to him that the dog was after a roo and he called it but it ignored him too - which he doesn't find amusing btw!
He was furious with me and told me that I could forget about the puppy we've talked about because I'd let the dog we have run off. He also said I'd better find the dog seeing as I lost him. Anyway, the dog came back and he calmed down.
Sat we went hiking for hours and had a really nice day. I was thinking that we were getting along much better and things were good. I was still a bit upset about the puppy - which he said he did now want but I told him to think about for a few days. I'm worried that if the puppy does something wrong then I will get the blame.
Sun we were feeding our horses when we noticed one of them needed his hooves trimmed. My vet asked me to go and get him the stand and the files. i did. When I got back he asked me if I had got his gloves. Sometimes he wears gloves when he does the horses hooves but other time he doesn't. I offered to go back and get them but he said no it would be ok.
While he was doing the horses front feet his back went. He was a paratropper and his back is terrible at the best of times. He felt the disc blow out. He was in a lot of pain and I said to not worry about the back feet. He said it makes no difference - it just hurts all the time and lifted the horses' back foot. The horse moved and he accidentally rasped a big chunk out of his finger. He started yelling at me and threw the file into the ground. (Its a big metal file). He was screaming that people don't f*cking think and he ends up getting hurt. He walked off and then turned around and came right at me screaming that it was all my fault because I didn't think to get gloves and he shouldn't have to tell me everything and I don't give a f*ck that he ends up getting hurt. He flicked his hand which was bleeding at me and blood splattered on my shirt. He seemed to be more enraged by that and flicked his hand at me again so that the blood splattered on my face and neck. Then he stormed off.
He apologised for yelling once he had calmed down. I told him that I wasn't used to having blood splattered in my face and I was quite upset. He got a little cranky again and told me not to make a big deal out of it.
Once he had calmed down a bit more he started apologising over and over and saying how he is a horrible person and he should just go away and leave me because he is terrible.
I have previously spoken to professionals who say he is at least partly disocciating in these rage episodes. He literally doesn't know what he is doing.
I don't know how to express how much he upsets me when he behaves like this without having him feel (even more) worthless and miserable. Its really hard.
Last night I helped him by massaging his back and he was really appreciative. This morning he has sent me some affectionate messages and phoned to say how much he loves me.
