Rough Spot With New Therapist

[Deleted member 28942]

Hi,

This summer I am living in a different city on the other side of the country. I have a new therapist here. She specializes in trauma - developmental, complex, etc. Uses EMDR, sensorimotory, somatic, CBT, etc. I've had 6 sessions so far but I don't feel like things are working very well. She wants to talk about attachment patterns and some other stuff like what is the cost of me thinking this or that, allowing myself to receive from other people etc. I told her I don't want talking about those stuff because I just feel more anxious. I told her I want to do EMDR -I am relatively stable and do not disassociate - and somatic work. I told her I believe I am not good enough, I do not deserve to be loved. This are deeply ingrained believes and I cannot just flip the switch. Today we did some EMDR but then she switched to talking and trying to change my thinking. Again I explained to her and told her how I feel and believe. She started asking me why I believe that EMDR is good for me? Answer: Because I want to change the negative believes and it helps me bring up memories and feelings i have buried. Do I think that my journey is different from other people? Answer: Yes, I do think everyone's journey is different and personal and I believe that is good. She didn't wanted me to feel that our session was a waste of time so she added extra half hour of EMDR. When we do the EMDR she never focuses on changing the negative beliefs. After session, I felt like I am being a burden to her and I felt misunderstood. When, I told her honestly that "What you are saying about attachment stuff and vulnerability makes sense but I believe I am not good enough. The shame is deep inside me and I cannot just make it go away". She told me "I feel sad for you". Not really the response I was expecting because I don't like pity or sympathy.

With my previous therapist whom I was seeing for 5 months things were going great. She was very empathetic and careful. She would always ask me if I am ready to work on something or not. I am moving back in about 8 weeks and continuing the work with my old therapist. I don't know if I should continue with this therapist. Any suggestions, opinions, ideas, experiences?

 

[Deleted member 28942]

In addition, she said that it may be good if I focus on someone who is more in need then me. I told her loud and clear NO. I want to work on having self compassing and self love. She felt disappointed. The session today really sucked.

 

[joeylittle]

she said that it may be good if I focus on someone who is more in need then me.

What does this even mean?

It sounds like you know the answer, which is, you aren't clicking, and you've given it a good try. Did you do a release between her and your old therapist? It could help, maybe - but this:

When we do the EMDR she never focuses on changing the negative beliefs

Is also strange.

You tried longer than I usually have - I don't tend to make it past four sessions, if I'm not aligned with their vocabulary and style, and it's not productive, then it's better to find a different way to support yourself - especially since you are stable.

 

[RavensPOE]

I have had nightmares about the Holocaust for 30 years. They began at age 13:
3 years AFTER the molestation stopped. I was molested/ raped from age 3-10 by
my physician. My mother was having an affair with him.

The first real, actual memory
I have as a child--is of the doctor raping me.

I started going to therapists before I left high school.
Since then, I have been in and out of therapy my entire life.

I trust no one.
I am anti-social.
I haven't been on a date in over a decade.

I have 2 failed marriages. Both lasted less than 2 years.
By 2012, the Holocaust nightmares had taken over my life.

I would look up during a lecture-and see my students flickering back and forth
in their seats from student...to concentration camp victim. I was blogging about
my issues--and someone recommended that I contact the ASK A RABBI link via Chabad.

They connected me with a Rabbi who is also a licensed, practicing therapist.
He works with military coming back from the front who struggle with PTSD.
Also, with holocaust survivors who struggle with PTSD.

I have been in therapy with my Rabbi now for about a year and a half.
He diagnosed me with PTSD about 6 months ago.
He is the reason why I am here, posting a reply to you.
He said there are many different forums, and perhaps someday--I would reach out.

IF you are a spiritual person: I can make a suggestion--
IF your therapy sessions are not working for you?

Perhaps--try finding a therapist who has the same spiritual, or religious belief system as you do.

I found out many things about myself in therapy with my Rabbi
that I did not discover in any of my other therapy sessions:

1. My therapy works with him because it WAS the spiritual component
that was missing from all of my other therapy sessions.

2. All of my other therapists WERE female. All they did was try and tell me
how men act, think, express themselves, etc. THIS did not help me gain any
positive attitudes toward them or learn how to TRUST ANY man again.

3. I was raped for 7 years as a child and trust no one. For me--learning to trust
my Rabbi has also been a large part of the healing process and living with PTSD.

4. Your success is your best revenge on any and all who have hurt you in the past.
Do not allow another broken therapy session to go by. Find someone who can identity
with you spiritually...and honestly see if it makes a world of difference for you.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

@joeylittle thank you for the support. I just finished my last session with this therapist. I told her the reasons. we had a nice chat. She apologized for breaking my trust. Not bad at all. I feel relieved now.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Well done @UniversalBeing