Rupture is it worth discussing or just terminate treatment?

[FauxLiz]

Here is what the letter says any suggestions for tweaking?

This letter is to serve as formal notification of a termination of treatment by Dr. XYZ. in conjunction with ABC Mental Health Services for client FauxLiz. It is after careful consideration and significant effort to develop a therapeutic alliance with Dr. XYZ that the inability of the client and therapist to find a way to successfully work together necessitates termination of the clinical relationship between these two parties.

The client chooses not to engage in any further sessions with Dr. XYZ and does not accept any referrals from said practitioner. Practitioner’s responsibility and any formal or perceived liability is terminated and waived by both parties upon the receipt and signing of this document for which both parties will be provided a signed copy.

 

[blackemerald1]

Looks fine & will serve the purpose you need it to serve.

What happens if he doesn't sign it though?

Are you really that scared he will commit you? If so, it may be a good idea to discuss this with your gp - so somebody professional has seen you recently and knows what you are intending to do and why.

 

[Abstract]

Really sorry you feel so threatened that you feel you need to do this, Quite impressive though I have to say, I hope it works as you want it to.

why didn't I listen to my own instincts

Been there done that many times too and its always good to look at it. It sounds like you have some difficulties advocating for yourself at times so thats maybe one area to check. Wonder if really being in need of a therapist, being in a bad place etc may be part of it. Has happened to me before. Too overwhelmed an symptomatic to have the impetus and clarity of mind to action. For myself that is.

Be proud thought as you are taking control of this now. Could you enlist your ex t? Realise he may not answer.

 

[Friday]

Looks fine & will serve the purpose you need it to serve.

What happens if he doesn't sign it though?

Are you really that scared he will commit you? If so, it may be a good idea to discuss this with your gp - so somebody professional has seen you recently and knows what you are intending to do and why.

Very much agreed.

Your former therapist would also be a good backup, here. Both because they know you, and because it’s another psych expert to say “No. I do not agree with his assessment.”

 

[Justmehere]

Good decision to end, and to handle it formally. If a letter that he signs gives you peace, then I hope he signs it.

I guess it’s possible he could be so vindictive as to try to commit you for terminating, but it’s pretty unheard of happening. Typically, one has to be imminently in danger of life and death harm to self or others (not just having suicidal thoughts) or unable to clothe and feed themselves (is “gravely disabled.”)

Hopefully he is professional and not an invalidating jerk, and I hope you walk away with your head held high.

Don’t beat yourself up for staying as long as you did. You had hope, you gave it your all, and you were willing to walk away when you knew it needed to end. All good things.

 

[Nessa7]

I still have the termination of treatment letter from my old psychiatrist pinned up on my bulletin board. You covered a lot of the same stuff that it did. The only things that are in it that aren't in yours is about going to an emergency room if there's an emergency and being able to contact insurance for a list of options. That doesn't seem too necessary for your purposes, though. Everything else is there.

 

[FauxLiz]

Thank you everyone for the support. Last nights session was difficult, confusing, complicated and draining. I am still trying to figure out what we both said and how I feel about it. I am feeling like a raw nerve today while rushing through meeting after meeting which will keep me at work late by several hours today and all I want to do is fall apart.

I will try to post more later this week, I am traveling for work most of the next few days so will hopefully have time to do some processing but not sure how I will feel in a couple days.

 

[hithere]

It sounds like you did the right thing. You don't owe him anything; you already tried really hard. I hope you can process this and let it go. Grieving your old T sounds like a much needed plan.

 

[grit]

I only talk things out with people that I’m intending to repair things with, if possible.

Otherwise all I’m doing is paying $150 to say “F*ck You”.

My “F*ck Yous” are worth more than that.

OMG!!!!!
That is so right on. I think I agree if you are not coming back or able to cough up the fee so freely, then send a good email and say thank you.

On the other hand, I am meeting with my therapist to say good bye because I gained a lot of stuff from him but reached his limitation and I do not want to push his techniques to be different for me (well he is not willing anyways). but I am paying this session because he is much lower than the new therapist I picked (half the price) so I do not feel bad about the fee. but if I ever decide to leave my new T, definitely through an email cause too expensive.

 

[lynn T.]

I have been struggling with this T since we began working together not quite 4 months ago. I truly believe that in light of something that I found out recently in relation to our sessions and his perceptions of my issues that I don't see any possible way through. I have been trying to find someone new, have had two separate initial consultations with other T's but did not feel either was a good fit.

I honestly don't feel that it would even be worth to even discuss the extent to which this most recent issue has eroded any possibility of forward movement, development of trust or just plain honest conversations. So the question is do I just terminate treatment cancel future sessions and walk away or do I meet with him and tell him what I am doing and why.

My feeling is that since you went to a therapist and paid them for a service in which you ended up feeling re-traumatized or injured, having enough anxiety about it to want to terminate their services.. I see no need to meet in person again unless you want to. If it were me, I'd call or email and let them know I am not returning. Whether you leave a reason for not returning is up to you. Since therapists are probably used to having patients quit due to trust issues or a patient feeling no progress is being made and you'd like a better match, there should be no reason they don't accept your reason.

 

[FauxLiz]

So it has been a few days and my head has been spinning since the session on Monday. T was very defensive and really made me feel as though I was not only overreacting but just plain crazy. He said that if this is standard for me to end relationships because of a disagreement like this then he would just be “one more causality” of mine.

Honestly I left his office so torn up confused etc that I made plans on the way home to commit suicide because if my termination with him was so awful he was a casualty of my life I couldn’t see a way to not permanently take myself out of the picture to protect everyone. I was a mess on Tuesday and as crappy a reason it was to not move forward with my plan, one of my employees niece committed suicide Monday night and was found Tuesday morning.

In my travels for work I am back in the area where I had lived until this summer and I reached out to my previous T to see if he was willing to meet with me and give me his professional opinion if I was overreacting, crazy or who knows what else. When I explained the situation, how I feel (judged, demeaned, talked down to, discounted etc and some of the things he has actually said to me that made me feel that way he agreed that it was time to move on and not look back.

We discussed the reasons that I had concerns with the two other therapists I had initial consultations with and he reminded me that he had been very similar when we started and that based on what I was saying I should give one or both of them a couple more sessions and to tell them what I told him today about being scared and struggling to attend sessions without assistance from benzos or alcohol. And anyway a whole bunch of other things. I am so relieved that he agreed to meet with me and that he validated my feelings as my feelings and that they are important.

I know my next step is to contact one of the two I have met with and schedule another session, but I have found through research one more possible option that is about 30 minutes closer to me so I may try to an initial consultation with him as well. Thank you everyone for your support I have honestly been considering returning to the T I fired Monday because he had me so convinced I was to blame and failing at therapy that I needed to now I don’t.

 

[Abstract]

Really supporting your bravery and tenacity. I hate you now ex t. Therapy can be many things but it should never be centred around the t's ego. Credit to you. You have also learned from this that you are allowed to trust your judgment when things feel wrong. So glad your ex t checked in. Not all will be like this last one. Being willing to try again is a mark of caurage. Go you. And sorry about the employees niece. :(

Ps. it possible we have the same disease. Reasonable-itus.