Rupture is it worth discussing or just terminate treatment?

[FauxLiz]

I have been struggling with this T since we began working together not quite 4 months ago. I truly believe that in light of something that I found out recently in relation to our sessions and his perceptions of my issues that I don't see any possible way through. I have been trying to find someone new, have had two separate initial consultations with other T's but did not feel either was a good fit.

I honestly don't feel that it would even be worth to even discuss the extent to which this most recent issue has eroded any possibility of forward movement, development of trust or just plain honest conversations. So the question is do I just terminate treatment cancel future sessions and walk away or do I meet with him and tell him what I am doing and why.

 

[Skywatcher]

You meet with him. I didn’t realize the deep betrayal I felt by my previous therapist until after I switched and it haunts me in my current therapy. Perhaps, if I had met with 1st T, I wouldn’t have felt so abandoned. I believe closure is important in all relationships.

 

[shimmerz]

Agreed.

 

[FauxLiz]

@Skywatcher and @shimmerz my concern with meeting with him again is at this point my anger is so intense I just don't know how to have a calm and measured conversation. I rarely lose my temper, I rarely express anger in anything but writing in my offline journal and this person has brought up and said things so many times in the duration of our working relationship that triggers me to a point of in session panic attacks and disassociation that have little to do with what I am discussing but his attitude, demeaning comments and actions just hit my hot button. I honestly reached my last nerve when his response to a comment I made in session was "DUH".

 

[Friday]

I only talk things out with people that I’m intending to repair things with, if possible.

Otherwise all I’m doing is paying $150 to say “F*ck You”.

My “F*ck Yous” are worth more than that.

 

[shimmerz]

Yeah, I agree with Friday. I was suggesting you wrap it up for your own benefit. If you see no rewards for yourself then as long as you can say 'they were a bad match for me' and walk away, then that sounds good to me.

 

[Abstract]

in context of what you say your past ways of addressing anger it may be helpful doing 1 more and expressing it but otherwise I think you have done your time and dont need to go back. Its not as if this has not been coming for a while or that he diesnt know that, You have discussed posiisbkly leaving him with hu=im a lot so no issues with some of the concerns around leaving. Good luck ...

 

[Nessa7]

If he doesn't respect you, which is what this sounds like to me, I don't think that there would be a point to going back for a final discussion. You could always try writing what you would like to say to him and then decide what to do from there.

 

[Skywatcher]

@FauxLiz I have a really close relationship with my current T and managed to get so triggered during the appt we had before she left on a vacation that I was convinced she was leaving to get away from me and that everything she had said to me for an entire year was a lie, I had 5 panic attacks and came close to doing something really harmful to myself. I wrote out my anger and “snapped” twice in emails to her.

We did emdr on it after she returned and it turned out that absolutely none of it had anything to do with her. I was in such a bad trauma loop, I had transferred my male abusers as if she was them. Also, I asked for clarification of a tone in something she had said and I was completely wrong and that is what initially triggered the entire mess.

I am not saying to stay with your T or go back. I am just wanting to point out how bizarre I am finding our illness to be in relationships with people trying to help us. My first T triggered me in almost every appointment. I always assumed she passed me on because she truly thought my issues were coming from an oversensitive spoiled suburban woman. In reality maybe she recognized that she wasn’t qualified to handle my issues. It is unfortunate that your current T isn’t recognizing the pain and non-healing that he is causing you.

 

[FauxLiz]

Thank you everyone for the responses. I have decided to attend tonight's session for the sole purpose of telling him in person why I am terminating our therapy. I have even drafted a letter stating that I am terminating therapy that he can either accept or no but which I will have him sign acknowledging that he received notice. I know that for many that would seem very extreme but my sincere lack of trust in this person, the overwhelming fear that he may in some form or fashion use my termination as an attempt to have me involuntarily committed under the guise that my terminating him shows that I am unstable and unable to make safe decisions on my own. I can honestly say I never in a million years imagined that I would be treating terminating therapy as one where I had to document and protect my legal rights but I feel his attitude, statements, and personality all require that I take these steps. I will be taking a break from therapy I think until after the first of the year at least. I need more time to grieve the loss of my previous therapist of four years and to processes why I allowed myself to continue seeing a T that I truly believe has done more harm than good for as long as I have when our incompatibility was so clear early on, why didn't I listen to my own instincts?

 

[blackemerald1]

why didn't I listen to my own instincts?

^^Oh I know this... because your old T recommended him to you. Such is your complete trust for your old T that you thought there must be something wrong with you - so you persisted. I would have done the same. I have done the same but then I got over it - just like you have and moved on.

You will be okay... A fresh start in the NY sounds like a good approach. :hug:

 

[Orange Phone]

Keep us posted. We are here for you!