BoulderBex
New Here
Hi -
My boyfriend of 4 years is a combat vet and also has some childhood traumas. He does an amazing job of keeping himself "together" - has a good job, doesn't have big emotional outbursts, etc. However, he does have significant issues letting or anyone in, believing our relationship is a partnership, and things like that. He basically just "stays strong" all the time and doesn't deal with emotion in general. He has gone to four different therapists, 3 he felt like he couldn't connect with. The fourth, he liked and it seemed like he was making real progress. He was working through some of the things that had happened to him and was even starting to let me in. Unfortunately, he had to leave that therapist due to a move. The one after that he also didn't click with, and he hasn't tried again after that - which was about 5 months ago.
So now, we are in a place where I feel like he still needs help; to open up and really be in this relationship with me as well as for him to be a healthy, happy person in general. He doesn't disagree, but thinks he can't change. He says that three out of four therapists didn't work and so he just doesn't think he will ever change. I have recently brought up the idea of other options for "help" if he doesn't want to try a therapist - self-help books/workbooks, online programs, support groups, etc. He didn't really say anything when I brought those options up and as far as I know he hasn't explored them.
I haven't pushed him on it again, as I know he needs to want to change. But, the thing is, from a lot of things he has said, I think he really does want to, he is just scared that he can't. He is in a place where he believes he is a hopeless cause for ever being able to let his walls down. I obviously don't believe he is a hopeless case, and I totally believe in him. But, I need some help figuring out how to help him believe in himself. Any advice?
My boyfriend of 4 years is a combat vet and also has some childhood traumas. He does an amazing job of keeping himself "together" - has a good job, doesn't have big emotional outbursts, etc. However, he does have significant issues letting or anyone in, believing our relationship is a partnership, and things like that. He basically just "stays strong" all the time and doesn't deal with emotion in general. He has gone to four different therapists, 3 he felt like he couldn't connect with. The fourth, he liked and it seemed like he was making real progress. He was working through some of the things that had happened to him and was even starting to let me in. Unfortunately, he had to leave that therapist due to a move. The one after that he also didn't click with, and he hasn't tried again after that - which was about 5 months ago.
So now, we are in a place where I feel like he still needs help; to open up and really be in this relationship with me as well as for him to be a healthy, happy person in general. He doesn't disagree, but thinks he can't change. He says that three out of four therapists didn't work and so he just doesn't think he will ever change. I have recently brought up the idea of other options for "help" if he doesn't want to try a therapist - self-help books/workbooks, online programs, support groups, etc. He didn't really say anything when I brought those options up and as far as I know he hasn't explored them.
I haven't pushed him on it again, as I know he needs to want to change. But, the thing is, from a lot of things he has said, I think he really does want to, he is just scared that he can't. He is in a place where he believes he is a hopeless cause for ever being able to let his walls down. I obviously don't believe he is a hopeless case, and I totally believe in him. But, I need some help figuring out how to help him believe in himself. Any advice?
