Safe To Say I'm Depressed

[Autumn76]

I usually go numb on days like this but today I'm not and I don't know why. Oh my gosh today is rough. I want my family but I want the caring, thoughtful family i have made up. I want a hug, a real hug not a friendly hug from someone who thinks I'm just a really cool person that they like hanging out with but one of those hugs that you can just feel the love. I want a hug like what I give my kids and they get from relatives. Is it really too much to ask? I want my family to post pictures of me on facebook and tag me not someone else when it's clearly me. I couldn't help it that my parents weren't ever married. Why is it such a big deal all these years later? I know I'm a full grown woman and shouldn't feel this way. I don't need anyone else telling me that because I get it offline everyday. I know I'm throwing a pity party right now and have to get over it but right now I can't. I can't stop crying. I have no idea what it's like to be cherished. An aunt of mine posted an old picture online of me, my grandfather, and my cousin, she tagged my sister as being me. I tried to talk to her about it and she acted like I should just get over it and when I called her Aunt (her name) she corrected me by saying it's just (her name). They are never going to let me live down that I was born out of wedlock. Nowadays that happens more often than not. I was having such a wonderful day this morning before seeing that and my husband snapping at me all because I wanted to introduce him to a coworker that attends our church. It wasn't that he snapped at me, I get that day in and day out since starting my new job, it's the fact that he did it at church in front of about a dozen people including my new coworker. The baby got tired so I put her down, she started crying, a lady who has some of the most unruly children that I have ever seem looked at me and said " momma she shouldn't cry like that" after a couple of seconds I pickedher up and she was sill crying, the lady walked off and she said to her husband "she always just lets that baby cry and cry she doesn't deserve to have children" and her husband said a very loud amen. My husband just stood there and said nothing. He heard them but he didn't want to rock the boat. I honestly can't do anything right at that church or any church for that matter.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

They sound horrible at your church. Very un Christian in my opinion. I can relate about hugs. No one has hugged me for about five years.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Geez I think you need to rethink about going back to that church. It sounds quite toxic to me and I also think that your husband was so way out of line to humiliate you like that and embarrass you. No wonder with your family pulling antics like that you are down and crying. You are talking about so many deep, deep wounds.

I hope that you can get away for a while and treat yourself today. You can cheer yourself up and it will uplift your spirits somewhat.

Try telling your aunt to just get over it. LOL! She deserves to hear it, and I would not speak to her for a very long time until you heal from this.

Many single parents are raising their children through artificial insemination and they have only one parent. It sounds like your family is being so harsh on you right now and it really is none of their buisiness and they are also targeting the child not the parents who did not get married. Your aunt sounds so toxic so I hope you leave her to herself for a very long time. Sending healing hugs.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

It is human nature to crave love and acceptance, even for loners. Hang in there

 

[DogwoodTree]

They sound horrible at your church. Very un Christian in my opinion.

Church isn't for perfect people...it's for people who need love. Can you find a group that actually understands that very biblical concept? I agree with Cj77...hope you can find other options.

Sorry you had a rough day. I hear you on the struggle of wanting a loving and accepting family...people who want you, not the facade. Only thing I know to do is to keep trying to be the person that I need, and hopefully that will eventually attract that same kind of person into the deep-rooted friendships and supportive relationships that I so desperately need, and even if it doesn't, I will have grown and blessed others in the process.

Warm thoughts...

 

[Justmehere]

I'm sad your husband didn't stick up for what a great mom you are. Sometimes the boat needs to be rocked! Ugh, that couple at church sounds annoying and so hurtful. :hug:

Jesus said, "let the little ones come to me..." He didn't add in there, "once they stop crying."

Churches sometimes have real a--holes in them. I'm sort of always on the outside whenever I'm inside a church. Except for the one I am at now. They really focus on that whole love and grace thing Jesus talked about. :)

I know what it is to crave to be cherished and loved. My father says he only has a son, and most of my family won't even acknowledge I exist. It hurts.

:hug: