Saying goodbye to therapist

[rosey]

So tomorrow is my last appointment with my therapist. I am in an ok place right now, have started some new things so time is pressed and decided the only thing keeping me in therapy is that I will miss my therapist. This is not the right reason for therapy and I don't want to pay a therapy fee to just see her.

I emailed her a few days ago and got a lovely email back saying that she will also miss me and that the bond we created is lovely. I am due to go tomorrow for a closing session which I want to go to but am heartbroken about. I know I won't be able to hold it together during the session but know it is important to go to say a nice goodbye. With a non-existent support network not having her there is going to be strange, and being fussing who I let into my world it is hard to let go of someone I have let into all areas.

We have had a relationship going on alongside the therapy, sending joke emails, you tubes that we know the other will be interested in etc. It will be strange to not have that anymore too.

I am ready to leave therapy which is brilliant but saying gooodbye to someone so important is so hard. How has everyone managed this?

 

[Rumors]

Ugh... I would not be as together... I am grateful for my time with my therapist. I'm not sure I will ever outgrow therapy but I am quite sure she will retire before I graduate. I hope your last session is exactly what you need it to be...

 

[hithere]

I am following this post as I'd like to know how it goes for you.

I had one long term therapy relationship that was helpful and meaningful to me and it was 20 years ago. I knew I was going to miss him, and yes I did. Also, I still think of him all this time later and oddly enough some of the things he said to me I still remember, and now tell myself. He never treated me like I had a "disorder" and that I was lesser than, and he seemed more like a fellow person on the journey of self discovery. When I said good bye I remember it well, and for me, it was actually a happy session. I wasn't dissociating, he told me somethings that I didn't disagree with, (that I still had THE BIG THING to do deal with) but I was happy and stable and had no intention of ever dealing with that BIG THING.

Now here I am two decades later dealing with that BIG THING. LOL. For me that goodbye was upbeat and I was so glad to be boot scooting out of there on my own. I felt pretty empowered and comfortable with myself. Life was full of busy things and lots of friends and raising kids and animals. I no longer needed the help.

Yes, I missed him. But I was more happy without therapy and felt free. It was like missing a favorite teacher or coach. BTW, congratulations. This is actually a really awesome thing for you.

 

[ButterflyBean]

Your session will definitely be hard, and coming from a place of ending a therapeutic relationship both with and without closure, I can say that some form closure is appropriate in most cases. You could talk about the progress you’ve made, what you learned, and what you will take with you if that feels doable. You could also discuss what the relationship means to you and that there will undoubtedly be a sense of loss that will create some unwanted and uncomfortable feelings, so you may want to talk about how you will deal with those if/when they surface.

I do have one question though. You said that your T is your main support system. You may need support after this relationship ends, so I would think about that as well. Can you realistically end the relationship without other support? If so, what resources and supports could you put in place so you don’t feel alone and/or abandoned later on? Just something to think about… You’re taking a huge step to regain control of your life prior to therapy, just as a better version of yourself! That is definitely something to be extremely proud of!

 

[rosey]

Back from the session.

It was hard but good. It confirmed to me that it is the right time for me to leave. I have all the skills I need to do the work myself for now and need a period of reflection rather than going over old ground or bring in new stuff. I felt in a way like I want to be worse than I am just to keep going back.

We debriefed and spoke about how the experience of the therapy had been for both of us. It was good to hear her view on how I had progressed and what I could still do at another time.

The therapist was very open about her feelings, stating again that she would miss me and that she felt a strong bond with me. Also asking me to let her know how I am doing from time to time. Part of my reluctance to leave was knowing she wouldn't be at the end of an email but again she said she would always be there for me if need to return or if I need to email to offload.

I left feeling calm. Sad but knowing it is the right thing for me now.

Thanks for the support guys x

Your session will definitely be hard, and coming from a place of ending a therapeutic relationship both with and without closure, I can say that some form closure is appropriate in most cases. You could talk about the progress you’ve made, what you learned, and what you will take with you if that feels doable. You could also discuss what the relationship means to you and that there will undoubtedly be a sense of loss that will create some unwanted and uncomfortable feelings, so you may want to talk about how you will deal with those if/when they surface.

I do have one question though. You said that your T is your main support system. You may need support after this relationship ends, so I would think about that as well. Can you realistically end the relationship without other support? If so, what resources and supports could you put in place so you don’t feel alone and/or abandoned later on? Just something to think about… You’re taking a huge step to regain control of your life prior to therapy, just as a better version of yourself! That is definitely something to be extremely proud of!

You have hit the nail on the head with the support side. She is my main support network but I have been needing her less and less. In some ways her being there has probably stopped me taking support elsewhere or being my own support. She is still there if I need her so it is good to know I have a safety net. It felt like a very natural step so I am glad and as you kindly say a bit proud too.

Cheers x

 

[Justmehere]

I hope it goes well! Congrats on graduating on to the next phase of life and recovery. You’ll be able to take your work together with you. It’s good you still have her as a safety net and that you are courageously facing this transition.

 

[hithere]

I felt in a way like I want to be worse than I am just to keep going back.

Glad to hear it was confirmation that it is time to stop therapy for you. I also can relate to your observation that you want to delay getting better just to keep a positive relationship in your life. Especially since therapy is all about the patient/client -- it isn't a two way supportive relationship, no matter how much we may wish it to be.

I hope you find more than one supportive friend to "do" life with in the future. I'm sure it's nice to know that the door is open for you i the future. Best Wishes.

 

[rosey]

Glad to hear it was confirmation that it is time to stop therapy for you. I also can relate to your observation that you want to delay getting better just to keep a positive relationship in your life. Especially since therapy is all about the patient/client -- it isn't a two way supportive relationship, no matter how much we may wish it to be.

I hope you find more than one supportive friend to "do" life with in the future. I'm sure it's nice to know that the door is open for you i the future. Best Wishes.

thank you for the lovely words of support

 

[grit]

@rosey

You sound so serene and lovely just by the way you are articulating your feelings, thoughts, fears, grieving and all. I really felt your abundance of love and calmness. I hope you keep that peace within you so you can lean on it whatever you will need it.

I also loved a statement you made:

I need to do the work myself for now and need a period of reflection rather than going over old ground or bring in new stuff.

I have had that feeling since I started therapy two years ago because I found I was quite introspective and reflective but not in a structured way ( I thought why I did what I did but never really made connections to anything else). But since in therapy and learning how things are connected to my trauma, I have been using my own original way of reflecting but a more meaningful way. I changed my therapy to be twice a month so I have time to reflect and integrate rather than as you put it so easily bringing new material and going over old grounds. I felt I rather focus on one area until I feel it is easy to think about and it is digested and swallowed into integration. Thank you for putting something I thought about into nice easy words.

Thank you

 

[Starfire]

It was very difficult for us. The thought of not having a fall back, a person who already knows our entire story was scary.
Actually we chickened out!! We decided to go to once a month...no other contact such as emails. It was right for us. We made decisions, tried things all on our own thus gaining confidence in our own ability. When it became obvious we could handle things. Left with agreement she'd see me if circumstances necessitated. Even that was a little scary!!!