Scared Of My T

[jaccat]

Yep, I find talking to people scary anyway, and talking about me- bad on so many levels. I suffer anxiety before every session, then when I'm in there I feel unable to cotrol the conversation- I can't say what's on my mind, I can't tell her when she's repeating herself, I can barely even look at her. Sometimes it's so frustrating, but then other times the direction our conversations take can be a good thing and end up in some really unexplected places.

 

[GWhizz]

I'm the same. However, this is my 2nd therapist - I left the other one for this very reason. This trait has followed me because I'm not really actually afraid of my T, moreso I just can't get those words out when I need to. I'm really afraid of talking about almost anything trauma-related.

I think it's a good start to identify this with your T and work on developing a safer space before pushing yourself farther than you're ready just now.

 

[greenleaf]

A trick that people here taught me: journal! Write regularly how you're feeling, what's going on, the issues you'd like to deal with with the T if only you could remember them in the office... Then, hand the T the journal to read! My brain usually refuses to even remember what I wrote until she chooses an issue to respond to. :D:rolleyes:

 

[Suzetig]

I'd echo the suggestion to journal. Even if you never share it, you'll et used to thinking about how you feel and finding words to describe what's going on for you and from there can think about what/how you share with your therapist. It also acts as a record of where you've been in therapy. I find it so useful to read through where I've been even 3 months ago and see the growth and change in me, or the areas where I seem to be stuck.

It's a hard process so don't be too hard with yourself for struggling.

 

[Nicole0317]

Yea I have the same issue I always think about what I need to talk about and then I get here and I'm like uh I'll just tell her next time or what if she judges etc... And even if I do write it down I will "accidentally" leave it at home or tell my self I'll just remember what I wrote down and eventually just not telling her period. And this makes me so frustrated because I work up the courage to write it down or tell her and then I get there and I can't do it.

 

[mrsps]

what if she judges etc...

This is what I think too. Even though I am sure they have heard it before and it shouldn't bother me what she thinks, I don't want her to not like me

 

[Digz]

Yeah, I know the feeling. I always used to think with my first therapist that I wanted him to like me and it made me very conscious of what I said.
In the end though, maybe it might help to think - she can't not like you. She can't judge you - she's paid not to!! :D