fyredrift23
Bronze Member
Hi Leah123!
I'm glad you found the strength to reach out to people on the forum and get some of the support you needed :)
It seems like talking and sharing here helped lead you to emailing your T and linking her to your thread. That's awesome! :D
I'm so glad and relieved that your T responded in the warm way that she did. She seems to genuinely care about you and wants to help you process past traumas and grieve over them appropriately.
What I mean is she seems to want you to let your feelings out, no matter how sad, and allow yourself to create space to let them live and just be. Like you said, you need a chance to just sit with your emotions and not feel rushed to replace them with forced happiness. You wanna feel sad? Feel sad! Lol Nothing wrong with that at all. It's super healthy in fact :tup:
I've read posts I've written on the forum to my T, and each time he learns some more about me and appreciates me sharing with him. Sharing with him has been so difficult for me, though. I have been seeing him weekly for 2 years now, and I still have trouble "letting it all hang out," as it were. That's not to say I don't trust him, it's just that, due to past experiences, trusting is very hard for me to do.
Like you said, I feel like I'm giving the "opposition" live rounds! I have to constantly tell myself that is not the case with this man. I push myself over & over to share, even if it's something "small," like showing him my baby pictures, lol. It's all practice; it all counts :)
Something I wanted to suggest/mention that might help: you talked about being ambivalent with your T and wanting her to know without you telling her. I definitely have had my share of issues with that with my T. Sometimes, when I feel an urge, no matter how faint the "pang," I'll send him an email about stuff I really wanna talk about. I put up defenses and stuff in the actual session sometimes. By sending him an irretreiveable email, I let him know about the truly important things that my defenses, simply trying to protect me, prevent me from sharing with him otherwise.
Basically, I don't always "trust myself" to be forthcoming with info, and my T is well aware of this. So, like, I'm wondering if you could directly tell your T that there are things you are gonna try hard not to tell her. Not sure if I'm making sense, but maybe honestly telling her how you feel about sharing (anything!) with her will give her a "heads-up" for the future. She'll know that your defenses will, indeed, be trying to keep you from sharing some pretty important (i.e. painful) stuff.
Just a thought. Feel free not to follow it, lol. I'm really proud of you for being so vulnerable! It may not seem obvious now, but practicing this can really help you connect to others in the ways that you desire :)
I'm glad you found the strength to reach out to people on the forum and get some of the support you needed :)
It seems like talking and sharing here helped lead you to emailing your T and linking her to your thread. That's awesome! :D
I'm so glad and relieved that your T responded in the warm way that she did. She seems to genuinely care about you and wants to help you process past traumas and grieve over them appropriately.
What I mean is she seems to want you to let your feelings out, no matter how sad, and allow yourself to create space to let them live and just be. Like you said, you need a chance to just sit with your emotions and not feel rushed to replace them with forced happiness. You wanna feel sad? Feel sad! Lol Nothing wrong with that at all. It's super healthy in fact :tup:
I've read posts I've written on the forum to my T, and each time he learns some more about me and appreciates me sharing with him. Sharing with him has been so difficult for me, though. I have been seeing him weekly for 2 years now, and I still have trouble "letting it all hang out," as it were. That's not to say I don't trust him, it's just that, due to past experiences, trusting is very hard for me to do.
Like you said, I feel like I'm giving the "opposition" live rounds! I have to constantly tell myself that is not the case with this man. I push myself over & over to share, even if it's something "small," like showing him my baby pictures, lol. It's all practice; it all counts :)
Something I wanted to suggest/mention that might help: you talked about being ambivalent with your T and wanting her to know without you telling her. I definitely have had my share of issues with that with my T. Sometimes, when I feel an urge, no matter how faint the "pang," I'll send him an email about stuff I really wanna talk about. I put up defenses and stuff in the actual session sometimes. By sending him an irretreiveable email, I let him know about the truly important things that my defenses, simply trying to protect me, prevent me from sharing with him otherwise.
Basically, I don't always "trust myself" to be forthcoming with info, and my T is well aware of this. So, like, I'm wondering if you could directly tell your T that there are things you are gonna try hard not to tell her. Not sure if I'm making sense, but maybe honestly telling her how you feel about sharing (anything!) with her will give her a "heads-up" for the future. She'll know that your defenses will, indeed, be trying to keep you from sharing some pretty important (i.e. painful) stuff.
Just a thought. Feel free not to follow it, lol. I'm really proud of you for being so vulnerable! It may not seem obvious now, but practicing this can really help you connect to others in the ways that you desire :)
