Scaring/intimidating people?

[Aims]

I don't have to say or do anything, if I'm feeling intensely my vibe and facial expression are scary and off-putting, people tell me all the time, and I'm a small baby-faced female.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I think I'm perceived as unpredictable......not even keeled.....overly-opinionated.....maybe over-reactive in a spooky emotional kind of way.....Have you ever WOOSHED anyone (envision your words like a strong tornadic wind) with your strong emotionally-driven opinion? Sends the meek and mild people running. Maybe it screws up their day?

But Lying....how I hate lying. I change into bitch queen if I'm boldface lied to......no holes barred......hold me back! Run before I blow you down with words!

 

[TruthSeeker]

I don't have to say or do anything, if I'm feeling intensely my vibe and facial expression are scary and off-putting, peo...

Wow, that's power! I was a REALLY big gal years back. My size and verbal demeanor combined, scared the petite boss I had. I'm so tame....wouldn't ever consider touching anyone....but being opinionated with voice modulation issues has its drawbacks..

 

[TruthSeeker]

I don't have to say or do anything, if I'm feeling intensely my vibe and facial expression are scary and off-putting, peo...

Yea, I have a daughter-in law who can do this....but I don't think she's aware but I feel it, and it hurts when it comes into my direction. I wish it was different. She has so many good qualities and she doesn't know how strong she is, she doesn't believe in herself, but also wasn't taught that that dealing directly with people, and showing kindness through acts, (the walk your talk thing) builds trust. It's a defense mechanism-she knows where I am...I've had to sadly back away.

I have a daughter-in law

Step daughter...not daughter in law

 

[Supervixn]

Bkinder can you elaborate on what shes doing and gow it affects you?

 

[TruthSeeker]

Bkinder can you elaborate on what shes doing and gow it affects you?

I loved her so much when I first met her 25 years ago, she was little, only 5. Years went by after estrangement, and I was so glad when I invited her home to see her father...that he did love her. I thought I was a helper, and I thought I patched up family wounds....really thought I did the right thing. I didn't realize...maybe she would have been better off..if I hadn't.....her future is set...she and my grandson are being hurt.....I didn't understand husband's narcissistic behavior..I didn't know what a narcissist was..I didn't know what trap I was in. It is insidious....and cyclical. I didn't know she'd get sucked in too. Telling her the truth would send her back to the X husband asking questions. I wouldn't be safe. My own daughter is caught up in this trap....I married him....not knowing....the daughter knows things but is dependent on him, and she is also PTSD, and compartmentalizes.

About stepdaughter and her dad, when she was little, I knew things. I stopped those boundary things. I protected her. She never knew. I never knew it all. She has no memory of her childhood...lots of abusive stuff...multiple directions. My divorce occurred because...I became a threat to him and his new family empire....I know too much about him now........his secrets, his past abuse as a child........so he wanted a fast divorce, and overpaid me to get it...He didn't need me....We had no marriage, as he couldn't operate on a "teammate level"-he had to be better, and had to degrade me-he became superdad! Her hero. When the baby was born, she asked us to babysit, trying to connect with her dad..and get help...she had no boundaries and neither did he, and I quickly found out my home wasn't mind. I had no husband, no home, no more vacations away (have to be home with grandson and his daughter). His house became his only castle and his only focus, being who she wanted and needed. He had her and became everything she wanted in a fairytale dad. Her family-they were his new narcissitic food-and more babies, they would keep him energized for the rest of his life. When he left, he became "Papa" within a month....no longer just Grandpa. A red flag. He has made them dependent, he solves all their problems, is their Nanny, round the clock availability. Becoming dependent on someone..is the easy way...when you are vulnerable and needy as well as...inviting and you think they love you. The narcissist uses the word love but can't feel it...and has no empathy. He can give advice, and listen when you're telling him how good he is....but he doesn't really care about others...only himself. I fell into this trap...and so have the kids. She is lost....in need.....and the little one....so whiny, unsure, so dependent on "Papa". This same, screwed up cycle starting all over.....Nothing I say will be believed, nothing I can do, so much unknown, no way to help. And I have to stay safe. Emotionally and physically safe.

Once he has control of all of them, he'll start chipping away, making her feel not like a good mom, and the husband (he already dissociates to survive and is afraid of her wrath....she is unaware) Papa will be twisting words....like he did when I was married to him, breaking down trust so only he can be trusted, degrading and controlling.....and now that he as the super narcissist, has moved into solo position I have no chance at a relationship with her...... I stayed as long as I could in that relationship with her, I tried to connect...it wasn't meant to be. I tried to protect her son..but things are wrong.....really wrong....and I won't be believed. .If I tell, I won't be safe. I thought maybe a casual relationship would offer the little one a refuge in the future....and keep me safe in the long run but Husband controls this....saying he must be with the baby if I am to see my grandson...I said No. This will not happen. Stepdaughter will always question everything I do or say. Trust isn't a strong suit. I get that more than she knows.

T agrees, keep him away and stay safe. Stepdaughter and daughter are lost, and the baby not safe with Papa emotionally. I miss them both. If she only knew... So, emotionally, to preserve me, so I can move forward, on my own journey, I had to let them go....I am so sad. There is nothing I can share, and be believed, it will be too late for my grandson....I bleed inside for him emotionally. This is why I left them all. I know I wasn't the crazy one..but that's what he told me daily....every day....I was crazy.....No,..I am the strong one....came to my senses...fight to maintain this path....a healthier one......But there was a huge price....My leaving the fold has me exiled from all my family and feeling so alone.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Sorry, I went on....but no, it isn't safe.

 

[Supervixn]

Thank you for sharing. My prayers are with you and those you love who have been victimized. Be safe and be well!

And you arent alone! You have us!