Scary Change In Behavior During Dissociation

[Dissociated1]

My female alter spoke for the first time when I dissociated last week. Not actual words but instead of the usual opening her mouth as if she is attempting to speak with no sound coming out, my wife said she screamed at the top of her lungs, tear flowing like rain for nearly ten minutes as she held her in her arms. The dissociation was followed by vomit spilling out of my female alter like she had the flue.

My therapist is on sabbatical for another week. I am hoping some of you may be able to share any insights you may have about what happened.

 

[Red Feather]

Sorry to hear about that. I have strong dissociations sometimes, but never forget what is happening. Sometimes I see myself behaving in a way I can't really control, but I am still pretty aware. It must be really scary if you forget, and when you get reports about what happened. How do you feel now? I would just say try to keep possible triggers to a minimum, and find a way to comfort yourself or the other part that is in so much pain. I am glad to hear your wife is supportive.

 

[nimkekaa]

My first thought was good for breaking the silence. I don't know if that is what a T would say but obviously she (your alter) has had this inside her all the time.

I agree with Nadia about keeping your triggers to a minimum until your T comes back so that you have someone qualified to help you through this.

From my understanding you can't integrate alters until you deal with the issues that the particular alter has had to suffer through. So maybe this is a good thing.

I too am glad you have a supportive wife.

 

[Dissociated1]

Yes, absolutely terrifying. Things have gotten better for me if not my female alter now that I understand what is happening and know what to expect. The first time I dissociated in an emotional breakdown like this I was driving on the interstate and thought I was losing my mind. There have been a few occasions when I have had an awareness of the pain my female alter is experiencing, but the dissociation is generally so complete I have no idea what she is experiencing (my therapist has had several conversations with my female alter I know nothing about). My first instinct was that breaking the barrier of silence could be a positive sign. My wife is a truly gift from God; I could not survive without her.