General Secondary PTSD

[Nat]

I have been going to counseling and was referred to a psychiatrist so that I could regain normal eating and sleeping patterns. She said that it appeared that I also was suffering from ptsd. The fall out with my ex was definitely a stressful experience for me. I can definitely see how dealing with someone with PTSD can cause secondary PTSD.

 

[Crayg]

I know for a fact that what we can be exposed to in the role of a carer can be a trauma in itself. In my relationship with my partner who is a PTSD sufferer in denial I ended up filling the roles of Partner, Carer, Parent and possibly others. I got myself so immersed in trying to help her that I forgot to help myself.

I have only recently learned about the full extent of PTSD and how to set boundaries to protect the both of us.

I am now getting treatment for the trauma I went through at her side. From hearing in detail about what she has been through in her life and from being the sole brunt of her "episodes". It's not her fault but if I tell her what I am going through she will think that I am blaming her for my problems. The relationship is over now as I just couldn't handle it on my own and when I needed space she broke up with me but told all her family and friends that I left her. She blames me for not being strong enough to cope.

I can tell you from experience now that carers need a carer for themselves as well. Someone who understands such as a GP or psychologist or even someone who is also a carer for a PTSD sufferer. We all need someone to watch our back and help keep us grounded. After all, we are only human, not super heroes.

 

[ISupportHer]

Most of these posts were prior to my joining here but I agree with some. Hadn't reallly seen this thread but I had talked with some carers privately in the past. Most no longer here but I've had discussions that what we experience can be "tramatic" and result in coping issues. I've never been diagnosed, hey wait a minute, I did go to a therapist twice. Wonder what he said about me. OK add paranoia to my diagnoses.

I joke but my point is that as I read some of the stories that sufferers so bravely share here, my trauma is nowhere near what so many have experienced. So, yes traumaTIC and has effected me so deeply, I don't think of my issues as being on the same playing field. Carers still need to acknowledge their pain and work on their own issues of course. There are many aspects of course, but personally I think a lot of it is the realaization of what you can change or rather what you can't change and that acceptance of it.

And as for a carer needing a carer themself, this is the perfect place.

ISH

 

[Berger90]

I agree with this 100%, with my situation I felt completely normal while she was with me and we were spending 89% of our time together. Then she moved back to her home (about 1,000 miles away from my current home) and I feel like my anxiety and depression has really increased 10 fold. I smoke more, I have dreams where terrible things happen to either me, or something happens to my girlfriend. I feel like it's really tearing her away from me, since its affecting my moods.

 

[Deleted member 5760]

Yeah - my thoughts on this - and they are just thoughts - Im no doctor...

My ex now tells me she misses me.. I don't really understand this because the whole time we were together I drove her crazy! But I suppose there must've been something she loved about me nonetheless.. still, I don't understand why anyone would want someone around who drives them crazy... tells them to leave, and then says 'I miss you'?

Also - my friends now are always trying to push me to 'date other people'. I try to explain I don't want to. But they don't understand.. Ok, I'm certainly no oil painting, but I'm far from ugly physically and they don't understand why I'm not out there chasing and getting everything that moves...The truth is - *I* feel like until I get *me* sorted any relationship is doomed to failure. I don't wanna 'put my cr*p' on someone else... hope this makes sense?

I was getting SO many mixed signals.. ok, an example - and the only reason I feel free to say this is because she's not on this forum and NOBODY here has a clue who she is - or I'd never 'slag her off' in public. Sometimes I feel like she would 'push my buttons' on purpose. For example - she told me a few weeks ago that she 'admired' my friend who jumped off the building. Now I thought that was a low blow - and it was a definite trigger and she knew so. It was like shooting at someone's feet - 'dance for me, dance' ..that set me off SO much and she *knew* it would.

It was kinda like breaking the 'unspoken code'... things like 'never date your best friend's ex'. Things that are not written as rules but people should just know them anyway. And I think in all the time we've known each other that was by far the most hurtful thing she could say. She 'knew' it would trigger me more than anything else in the world - still she said it. Like she wanted to see me triggered? Then 'I miss you'. I dont understand. I suppose she was SO hurt by the whole relationship she wanted to hit back. But it certainly did not help. (btw - this person is extremely nice - and no Im not naive - she really is)... I think she'd just reached the end of her rope and was ready to go for my jugular. But, it's not the way to keep me her's.

 

[Deleted member 5760]

And to add another thought (yes I can talk the leg off a table):

I think one of the things my ex actually loved about me was that I was a bit (I wont use the word crazy) 'offbeat'. Because I was a little bit off in my own world she could pretty much feel comfortable in that if she at any time felt strange I wouldnt stand there and go 'oh well thats a bit weird'. Like panic attacks for example - these are quite common. But nobody wants to talk about them for fear of people going 'dude, what's wrong with YOU?'. She could come to me and say 'yeah I went through panic attacks' and she'd get an answer like 'yeah thats normal hey. A lot of people do and it's ok' - rather than a look that suggested she was crazy.

So there was almost a level of acceptance because I was 'different'. It drove her crazy - but still I think its actually part of why she loved me. I dont know - you'd have to ask her that. Im only speculating. I just know there was nothing she could say or do that would make me look at her and go 'you are gone in the head'. ? Maybe she misses that... I dont know. But I do certainly agree - being my gf must've been a full time job in itself - because I was a handful. I accept that unequivocally - still : she 'misses me'