General Seeking Advice :o

[Pete22]

Hey so I'm looking for a bit of help

Well a girl I've known for a few months now recently did the "I need space" thing... strange thing is we were getting along really good in my opinion... now she hasn't talked to me in a month and won't answer my phone calls that I do.

She was abused as a child and I really truly care for her...... she also suffers from BPD but the forums for BPD are full of very bitter people towards sufferers.


So yeah, just wondering if i should send her a message saying well I know this is going to sound selfish but its very hard to be close to someone who just ignores me like this and I feel like I'm :wall: so yeah I'm going to call you tomorrow and if you don't pick up well I guess that's that and we will go our separate ways.


How can I make that come off less harsh? :dontknow: I really am lost here and would just like to tie up loose ends rather than remain in limbo.

 

[pebbels]

:hello:hello Pete,
Please know that your friend is not ignoring you on purpose to hurt you, but is most likely dealing with all sorts of emotions and is not coping very well hence needing space. There will no doupt be many more episodes where you will be pushed away and space requested. Pushing her is a NO no, PATIENCE and lots of it is required as is respecting her wishes. It is survival for her.

If you want to continue seeing her read as much as you can in here from both sufferers and carers toget a perspective from both sides. It is not easy for either party and it is a rollercoaster ride of pain, confusion and frustration. One needs to be strong to deal with this.

I like your approach if you feel you cant handle the situation but rephrase the "ignoring", it feels like that to you and understandably but its not.

At the end of the day it is your decision whether you want to get further into this or walk away, sounds to me like you have made up your mind already. I have been where you are at with my ex and more but i held on for 14 months, stuffed up many a time hence he is now an ex, he left me.
It was finding this forum that i was able (too late) to understand more about my ex behaviour and why i was feeling like i was and why i reacted the way i did. The carer as we are called really haved to learn a whole new way of communicating and to learn more about the symptoms of the sufferer so we dont make it worse for them.

All the best:Hug_emoticon:

Pebs

 

[Nerdanna]

Hi Pete,
I am a carer in a long-term marriage to my husband. Pebbels is so right on target with her response. You must have a great deal of strength and self-esteem to stay in the relationship. You are just beginning the relationship so my advice is to sit and think long and hard about why you want the relationship after you have educated yourself on the reality of loving someone who may never be able to love you back the way you may need. Make sure it is not because you think you can "fix" them.
Best Wishes,
Nerdanna

 

[Some1sAngel]

From an attentive man, communicative and being interested .. he has now gone to not communicating, MIA, and lack of interest toward me.

It does hurt. You can't seem to understand what is going on. You feel unappreciated, dumb when you reach out to them and they shut you out.

I, too, find myself in a similar situation with a Marine who's dealing with combat PTSD. This forum can help answer many of your questions.

She's not trying to hurt you. That's her way of dealing with her situation. You have to learn to NOT take it personal .. even if it's easier said than done - I'm still learning how to deal with it.

I hope u find the answer to your question here. Best of luck.