Self Compassion And Complex Trauma

[shell]

Many of us with long term trauma have a part of us that self abuses, at one time it was self protective that part kept us from attracting further abuse from our abusers, and enabled us to continuing living in very unsafe families or situations when there was no possibility of protection.

I found this part would undermine therapy, as I continually self abuse and attack myself, believing I deserved to die, that I was defective, disgusting, and the part is full of self hate has been ingrained since early childhood.

If I listen to this part it is exactly like my abuser, it says the same things, and it attacks me (but worse than my abuser it abused me well after my actual abuser was out of my life, it was unrelenting).

Learning self acceptance through self compassion has made such an enormous difference in my life.

Until I learnt to practise treating myself like I would my best friend I was never able to progress, because I was worse than any abuser that was previously in my life, that part believed I deserved to die, and every time I would work on my trauma it would set out to destroy me.

If you believe you are defective, unacceptable, unlikable and to blame for your abuse practising self compassion can make an enormous difference to daily stability. I didn't have to like myself, I just had to learn to accept myself, with all my imperfections.

I am still a work in progress and that is okay.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes @shell . Is that supposed to be acceptance without further negative spin of course, very difficult.

 

[Teasel]

@shell yes that really helps me understand why the compulsion to self sabotage is so very powerful. I've been feeling so ashamed of it. And so powerless to resist.
Thanks

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I didn't have to like myself, I just had to learn to accept myself, with all my imperfections.

Amen!

 

[ms spock]

So I am struggling with the Self Compassion quite a lot as I am severely depressed again. So it is a thing that takes a lot of practice for me. I need to get back to practicing.

 

[shell]

I will never again disrespect the power of self compassion, for so long I thought it was self pity, it was stupid, or it applied to everyone else because I was such a disgusting vile person who made others hurt me.

Each day I can still find peace within by sitting gently with my sadness at the loss of my family and the hurt they caused, it is not as painful when I allow myself to experience my sadness and not push it away. When I push away the grieving I make my pain larger than it needs to be. It feels like it consumes me, gently sitting with my truth, has allowed me find new freedom, and opened my eyes to who I really am. Sometime that is in itself a painful truth, but for me I am comforted greatly by the practise of self compassion. Practising self compassion has lead to me finding so much empathy for others, and at times that can be very overwhelming it is almost as if I am swamped by their pain.

For me self compassion continues to be a very powerful tool, it gives me strength where once there was only fear and self loathing.

I am not sure that it is ever possible to be truly healed from a life-time of abuse, but I can accept that now, where as once I needed to fix myself and to control others so they wouldn't hurt me again.

Strangely in accepting myself with self compassion and not needing to be different from who I am, I have changed who I am. I am not as judgemental of myself and others, which has lead me to find freedom to start to become perhaps who I could have been if I had not been abused since birth. I am okay with my imperfections and learning to be more tolerant of others as I discover more compassion, instead of reacting from a place of anger and fear I can allow myself to be present in a more expanded way. Compassion is a beautiful thing, we are all deserving of it.

 

[ms spock]

So lovely to read you and your self compassion today @shell.

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Ms Spock. Sorry to hear you're feeling down. Tell me, where you live, do you have snowy winters or is it a temperate climate?

I have complexPTSD. Complicated by the damage a chemical exposure did to my brain. I wake up every morning in my warm cozy bed with my dog cuddled next to me and I want to stay there all day.

Self compassion has really helped me as well as Tara Brach videos. I've been watching Learning to Respond not React this week. The practices she teaches are when you feel triggered or anxious, the first thing to do is to not believe the thought that caused your distress. Then you come back into presence by whatever means help you to do that, I.e. Mindful breathing . And then ask please let me feel love and kindness.

I get undermined when I get disappointed or experience a loss. It causes sorrow. Not a feeling sorry for myself, just sorrow. If I practice the tools learned on self compassion.com or through Tara Brachs talks, I notice I don't get depressed.