Self-injuring Again

[void]

Well...one of my alters believes that I MUST be hurt or bad things will happen? Another thinks that I/...

@Stickler
We hear you:hug:...your pain is very intense.
Do you have anyone in your life(physically available) that is helping you?
How isolated are you?

I know self loathing.....it feel SOOOOOOO terrible. :(
@Stickler you are NOT what your mind is telling you......those are just negative tapes which continuously repeat....I have them too.

Can I ask, if you watched the entire video?
What do you think of its ideas?

 

[Stickler]

I would have to to go look it up. Can you type out the title? It's not going to directly play for technical reasons.

 

[The Albatross]

Stress, Trauma and the Body (youtube) subscriber name Saj Razvi

 

[M. Winchester]

I am also fighting self-harm, my method was not beating but was burning and mostly... cutting, more like gashing, but classified as 'cutting.' I understand everything you've said...

You feel you deserve it, and not only that it's the numbness that just... makes it okay. You sit in your bathroom on the floor, covered in blood or bruises and you stare at the wall for hours until the numbness goes away and you have to clean yourself up and... just mope for the rest of the day. But it seems after you self-harm, life gets better! Like... you get that job you wanted, the friend that left you comes back, etc etc. You just HAVE to, because pain comes before brightness... or so it seems in your mind, your heart.

I don't know where I am going with this but I am here for you.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@Stickler i havent done this since my early 20s, it did stop working but worked for about a year. Try holding an ice cube for as long as you can.

It hurts like all f*cking hell but doesnt hurt you physically. That would satisfy the SI urge for a while.

:hug:s to you! I was afraid this would affect you like this! Message me if you need to talk about it!

 

[Kailani]

Awwwww Stickler!!!! Hugs to you if you accept! You are not evil or drain any thing bad from you to others! I have not ever heard you act like that in writing! You and your alters are adorable, supportive, caring and deserve the same! I think the beating or cutting is a form of getting any control over an out of control situation and there's some scant relief in it. Cut a bit many, many, many years ago as a teen with PTSD. It's a horrible place to be and people care here! Thankfully it feels so far away and lifetimes ago and hope it will feel that way for you too. The person you were with has had a lifetime of experiences that caused them to react the way they do that may have nothing to do with you. Sometimes we love people that are not good for us! Sometimes we let them go and find love again. Sometimes we just enjoy not living in the crazy place we were in and hang with friends. Time will tell. Hope you feel better and feel like the great person you all are!

 

[Stickler]

I was really in love with my ex, he turned on me.

I...have this huge amount of neediness it does not feel safe to take to someone else...I trusted my ex enough to let him in? And that was stupid.

 

[Stickler]

I'm really isolated...people are frightening.
I'm both agonizingly lonely and find people terrifying.

I was able to watch the video...and I think it is unusual for me to be all the way *here*. As in not dissociated. I used to be MORE dissociated. I wish I still was.

I'm sort of using the self-injury because I don't believe anyone wants to deal with the level of neediness I feel? I don't think they should have to. I am ashamed of it.

I may not be able to pay for the attention I need...I guess?
Too, if I am given attention, I am terrified.
Hitting myself is a warped way of self-soothing, so that I don't feel that screaming desire to be cared about and hugged and cuddled and touched?
I'm embarrassed that I bothered you guys about this, even.

I feel like I ought to be able to look after myself as far as emotional sustenance goes, and that not being able to just sets me up for abuse from bad people...and makes me annoying to everyone else. Being needy...weak...stupid...whiny...it's like wearing a " KICK ME " sign.

 

[Kailani]

Everyone goes through more needy times than at others! No stress!! Don't be embarrassed it's normal! The only thing is the self injury- could you draw pictures of hitting yourself instead? I've always been happy after I reached out to others. Sometimes you have to go through a few people to find the ones that will be closest to you but most seem awesome and always seem to want to help. One day, one moment at a time. Take care! Wish you lived closer; I'd love to hang out!

 

[void]

I would have to to go look it up. Can you type out the title? It's not going to directly play for tec...

Oh! I'm so sry:sorry::sorry::sorry::sorry:, I was away for a bit.
I see someone did it in my absence :tup:

 

[void]

Stress, Trauma and the Body (youtube) subscriber name Saj Razvi

@The Albatross

Thank you for helping @Stickler :sorry::hug:

I was away.:sorry:

 

[void]

I'm really isolated...people are frightening.
I'm both agonizingly lonely and find people terrifying....

@Stickler

Pls know that we are glad you have chosen to share your struggle.
Pls know that many of us really "get" how you feel and why you feel it.:hug:

Trusting anyone is REALLY hard and then to have that fragile trust broken is an emotional Hell.:(

I'm glad you watched the video i sent you:happy:, and i hope it helps you to understand why you SI.
It is an understandable attempt at dealing with severe trauma.

There are more videos like that on YouTube that explain how we can heal from PTSD with these Somatic(Body-based) techniques.
There are Therapists who train a person how to do what the Body needs, like that video says.
I found a T. that does it, and she has helped me SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much:cry:..........I'm very grateful for her:happy:

Do you think you might look for a T. that does this kind of training?

:hug:from Void