Self Worth

[anthony]

I will tell you both right now... any little hidden messages within messages to stir one another, I will ban you both... no questions asked. That is called zero ambiguity, both get banned, regardless who did what. Staff here do not know about hidden messages, though one can quickly tell when any party is reporting messages on the other that do not scream attacking.

It is every members control what they respond to and what they do not. I would ask you both to exercise that right before responding to one another any further... and especially before thinking hiding any personal attacks within messages that the other knows off and will find offensive, that staff will have no idea. Again, staff will just ban you both, zero ambiguity.

 

[pi314159]

I do have an identity outside of my relationship. I just like belonging to someone - yes I'm codependent. Anyway - I'm getting a kitten tomorrow!! Yay - so excited. No more boys just a kitten!!!

 

[Mercy]

Good company and funny kittens are. have fun and enjoy that purring as much as you can. (((((((pi))))))

 

[unquenched]

kitten=unconditional love
sounds like a healthy dose of the above will make a world of difference

 

[Icon Nikon]

I need to be loved...

Hey Pi,

Break ups of any kind suck! And needing to belong or have a sense of family is quite understandable. However, the gift of love is something you can only give of yourself to another and, if lucky enough in life, someone will choose to give that gift to you.

I know, as you wrote, that "you need to be loved". And you certainly DO deserve "to be loved", but by someone who actually loves you!!! I know the reality hurts, especially with a history where messages of abuse/neglect and love were mixed and seared into us. Yet, sad as it, this "dependent love/need" that you feel for your boyfriend will NOT heal that scar from childhood of "needing to be loved".

I think your decision to, for now, to invest your love in a cute kitten is a wise way of making the best out of a bad and painful situation. And until "the genuine intimate love that you seek" does come your way, let us and others close to you "love and support" you while you grieve.

And as with all PTSD sufferers, relationships are especially important, for those of us who avoid them (like the plague) and for those of us who crave them (like air). They are neither trivial or trite.

Sorry if I am not making myself clear, just one of those days for me.

Anyhow, I, for one, am willing to listen to your pain,
Alex

 

[Mercy]

Me too.

 

[Loloma]

I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my kitty "Ta Chez". She came with me from Australia and has been a real comfort during my relationship breakdown. I absolutely adore her and she loves me back just as much.

She will do for now, until I'm stronger and hopefully wiser .

 

[Cindy532]

I'm so sorry Pi. It hurts to lose someone. I don't like self discovery either! =) That's where I'm at now, discovering myself, and it's so scary. What if there's not anything underneath? It's easy to want to just hide behind someone else and their crap like I have in the past. And yes, belonging to someone even though maybe it's not for the best or wanting to just belong somewhere! But maybe we need to take the time and get to know ourselves. And for me, getting a healthy spot where I can manage the PTSD is crucial. And oh yes, it's easier and safer to let someone else take care of me and my life, and it's time I took care of myself. I would like to find some love for myself too.

 

[Cindy532]

I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my kitty "Ta Chez". She came with me from Australia and has been a real comfort during my relationship breakdown. I absolutely adore her and she loves me back just as much.

She will do for now, until I'm stronger and hopefully wiser .

I have a cat too. After I got her, I learned that cats are healing. Maybe that's why us with PTSD are drawn to cats?

 

[Mercy]

I have two cats also.