Sense Of Self

[AnnaLost]

A few years ago I had to be assessed by a consultant. In amongst the resulting 30 page report he stated I n...

I'm not sure if this will help, but I can identify with what you're saying. I spent 40 years in a very tight knit cult, one where my identity completely relied on the people I was around.

After my husband passed away I had to redo my bedroom, to create a space where I was safe. I realized I didn't even know what kind of furniture I liked! I sat frozen, for weeks, with the realization that I didn't know who I was. I still don't in many ways, but I've found that when I do discover something about ME, if I write it down that it helps solidify it. Does that make sense?

When I'm lost, confused and dissociating I try and read my list. It helps to bring me back and connect me with myself.

Like I said, I don't know if that will help, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. :-)

 

[Stickler]

I am a front personality, I have found out.
My people inside describe me as a bag they fill up. A human windsock.
This is what I am.

...I was raised by my bio parents: a mother who wanted and loved me, but took her problems out on me, and a father who loathed me. I was not JUST female,I was ill with asthma. I was defective physically, but didn't die. He wanted me to.

...Mit, all this to say you may not be able to find out why you were given up, or if you do it may be very hurtful.
Please do not let that wreck you.
I/we have the potential to be fairly evil, evil was done to us.
I/We get up and choose to be good, and after a long time, that's a well-worn choice.

Who you are is partly a consciously created thing, made of your choices? Not just your biological parents or first five years, the choices you are making right now.

...I hope that helps a bit?

 

[Mit]

Thanks @Stickler, it does. I am very conscious that delving into the past is not without risk. We are all work in progress I guess..

Mit