I was prescribed Seroquel last year, I was at a point where I was no longer able to sleep at all. I had been taking diazepan and then lorazp for pain and anxiety, and had gotten to the point where they were no longer working either. Then I was taken off them abrupty, it was so not good. They had made a mistake taking me off these the way they did. I went through hell and withdrawal was really bad, and I had to go through it alone, with no help or support. That type of med is highly addictive and will actually increase anxiety eventually, which was why they no longer worked for me. I should not have been prescribed them in the way that I was.
I was presecribed Seroquel and something else about 4-5 days into my withdrawal, and I was loathe to take either of these. I wanted my body to calm down and be 'clean' before I even thought about taking anything else. But about day 6 I was having such bad chest pains and was physically very ill, my blood tests had come back very bad. So I gave in and took the Seroquel, at a reduced dose to the one that was suggested. I did not do this without my doctors consent though. I didn't want to get frivolous with my med taking, but at the same time I didn't feel I should have been just slapped on them as I have been slapped on so many different meds over the years.
I did find sleep to be such a blessed relief though, and I knew I was at a point that my body physically could no longer function at all without sleep. I found that the longer I went on being sleep deprived the more that in myself I no longer needed to sleep and couldn't, but physically I could see I was in really bad shape, I think at that moment, any risk of taking any med was outweighed by my physical integrity being saved. And I really had to have it spelt out to me as well, physically I was dying. Something had to give.
I have been told I can come off them now if I choose and am working towards this. I know I have to have some better coping strategies in place for me to be able to function better in aiding my own sleep. So just for a few more weeks until I am able to do this, I am choosing to remain on them.
And I really hate meds...so I do understand. I have found it hard to be able to present myself as having some understanding of myself, and my own body. But in this area I am getting better in being able to ask questions and express concerns, and also better at being able to assert myself occassionally in this area if I have to. I am pretty bad at, but after so many screw ups on their side, I am finding I have some cause to accept myself and be able to assert myself more into this equation of my healing.
Be as much a part of your wellness as you can be. It is good to ask questions, it is good not to just blindly follow. But at the same time; it is also good to understand yourself better, your needs and to know that sometimes we do need help.
I could not be damped down again, I do not find it helpful to me to be this way if I am trying to heal myself. I am unable to connect to my emotions or my voice to express these emotions when I am in this dampened state. But at the same time, sleep deprivation will finish me off, my body was shutting down very badly, due to the extreme physical pressure that sleep depivation can have. I was having heart problems and trouble with other organs, let alone what it was doing to my mind.
I believe I have a better understanding with the med doctor on this, than I have ever had at any other time. And it is because I was able to get him to see that I could play a part in my recovery and that meds while useful do not always have to be all or nothing either. Of course he could be humouring me but I don't think so this time. I believe I have been able to convey that I have a pretty good understanding of myself and my own body, but I have had to work at that, and it is hard, especialy when I doubt myself so much.
I am glad to read the Seroquel is helping you some, and hope you find they do work for you, I did, but everybody is different. try to be aware if your body is telling you something. This self awareness is good in many aspects of PTSD, and don't be afraid to ask questions. Or to say if something is not how you think it should be. If there is a problem they need to be alerted to that fact, and they can't know unless we tell them. so never worry about asking, it will help them as much as clarify things for you.
I hope this helps to reassure you some. Know you are not alone, and it is not shaming or failing to have to take prescribed meds. I am just very opposed to it some because I know that I can struggle with addiction also. And because of that I am wary
~fin