Severe Anxiety About College

[xanabilify]

At the beginning of September I started college (year 12). At first I was so excited, it would be a new start and no one would know me.

But over time I figured that it isn't actually all that great, I'm getting a lot of coursework and I'm struggling with my mental health problems.I haven't been out of hospital for long (I was an inpatient for 5 months) and I'm not coping at all.I am in a worse place, mentally, than when I was admitted.

I suffer from PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder, which are both CRIPPLING disorders.

My mum thinks I have been going to college, she drops me off at the bus stop because of my anxiety, but as soon as I see her drive off I run home. And if I do get to college I very rarely stay for a whole day. I am so beyond anxious.

I can't deal with college at the moment, I really can't. There are so many people and I constantly get flashbacks in class and there is nowhere to hide. Everyone is so loud and I feel like a frightened kitty :(

I am so suicidal and my disorders are taking over my life.

My attendance is already way below average and I'm really thinking of telling the head of my course that I really can't cope with college, but she won't have a clue about how horrible it is to live with PTSD and I'm frightened of her response.I want to leave but I don't. I want to die but I don't. I only go in for three days a week and I can't even manage that.

I really need some help, has anyone got any advice? Please. :(

{I see two therapists and a psychiatrist and I'm only allowed to see my college counselor one day a week and she's really rubbish}

 

[franciemarnie]

I remember how I would leave the house and spend all day in bookstores instead of class. It was very painful. knowing what I know now (I had PTSD) I might take the semester off, focus on healing more and coping strategies, etc., and then when or if I was ready, go back. I would take easy courses and though I might start with a full load, drop to a minimum as need be. I had one semester where I only showed up to drop off papers and take exams. I wasn't allowed to take off school so I had to find a way to make it work, but again knowing what I know now that I didn't know then, I would have insisted on staying home until I was better able to function.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I assume you're not in the US...perhaps the UK? I don't know where they refer to year 12 as college...sorry.

Anyway, does your school have a disabilities department? If so, start there. I don't know how helpful they will be as your laws likely differ, but here we are entitled to certain rights under law.

I wish you the best.

 

[MissMacD]

It's okay to ask for help. I've been through 6 rocky years of post secondary education with PTSD, anxiety and crippling depression. Go get help, school will always be there. ((((((((((((xanabilify)))))))))))